Democratic Underground Latest Greatest Lobby Journals Search Options Help Login
Google

I'm not really seeking medical advice, but how do I get a live lobster out of my ass?

Printer-friendly format Printer-friendly format
Printer-friendly format Email this thread to a friend
Printer-friendly format Bookmark this thread		 This topic is archived.
Home » Discuss » The DU Lounge Donate to DU
 
rug Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 10:33 AM
Original message
I'm not really seeking medical advice, but how do I get a live lobster out of my ass?
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 10:40 AM
Response to Original message
1. How about sitting on a pile of chum?
:rofl:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
rug Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 10:42 AM
Response to Reply #1
2. I have close friends but not that close.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Orrex Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 08:30 PM
Response to Reply #2
56. It is to the eternal shame of Teh Lounge that your post wasn't recognized before this.
Edited on Wed Sep-07-11 08:31 PM by Orrex
Well played, sir. Well played.

:patriot:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
LaurenG Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 10:47 AM
Response to Reply #1
5. You mean the middle of he highway in Seattle?
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x1891763
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
MiddleFingerMom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 10:44 AM
Response to Original message
3. Just open your thermi-door. n/t
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
raccoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 10:45 AM
Response to Original message
4. Got some needle nose pliers? nt
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
rug Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 10:48 AM
Response to Reply #4
6. Will I need a bib first?
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
suninvited Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 10:53 AM
Response to Original message
7. you could threaten to plunge your ass into a pot of boiling water
I think that would be effective.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
raccoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 11:00 AM
Response to Reply #7
8. Ding, Ding, we have a winner! nt
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 11:03 AM
Response to Reply #8
9. And we have dinner
yuck!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
rug Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 12:31 PM
Response to Reply #7
18. It's a crustacean. They ignore threats.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
mainegreen Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 11:32 AM
Response to Original message
10. Butter
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
lillypaddle Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 11:37 AM
Response to Original message
11. Are you sure it isn't a crab?
:rofl:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
MicaelS Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 11:55 AM
Response to Original message
12. Chum usually works best for me... n/t
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
rug Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 12:32 PM
Response to Reply #12
19. Usually?
:rofl:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
MicaelS Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 12:50 PM
Response to Reply #19
36. All that damn mule says is "hee-haw" ...
No matter what I do. :bounce:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
eShirl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 11:58 AM
Response to Original message
13. Melted butter enema?
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
rug Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 12:32 PM
Response to Reply #13
20. Stop it! This is not a sex thread!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
ohiosmith Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 12:13 PM
Response to Original message
14. Why would you want to?
:shrug:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
rug Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 12:33 PM
Response to Reply #14
21. I appreciate the question but this is not a time for philosophy.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
ohiosmith Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 12:42 PM
Response to Reply #21
28. I don't think that you have given due consideration to the advantages of your situation.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
rug Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 12:44 PM
Response to Reply #28
32. Hmmm.





:dilemma:





Ok, no advantage at all.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
kayakjohnny Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 12:18 PM
Response to Original message
15. Just reverse the procedure that led to it's disturbing appearance in this most unfortunate location.
Carefully of course.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
rug Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 12:34 PM
Response to Reply #15
22. If I back into the lobster trap again, I don't think it will fall for it.
It appears quite comfortable.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
struggle4progress Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 12:22 PM
Response to Original message
16. preventative medicine is an important part of any comprehensive health care package
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 12:26 PM
Response to Reply #16
17. So healthcare now is giving out free Butt Plugs?
That's the only way to keep a live lobster from crawling up your ass
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
struggle4progress Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 12:39 PM
Response to Reply #17
25. of course, medicine is an art as well as a science, since everyone is unique
And not being an MD, I should not pretend to speak authoritatively here

But health care dollars are limited, so one does not always want to spend much money on failsafe solutions to uncommon problems
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
rug Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 12:36 PM
Response to Reply #16
23. This wouldn't have happened if we had single payer.
Or, at least, I would not have to look for free advice from the Lounge.

Melted butter enema, indeed.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 12:40 PM
Response to Reply #23
26. So you're saying it's all Obama's fault
figures

:hide:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
rug Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 12:42 PM
Response to Reply #26
29. Well, I didn't have a live lobster stuck up my ass before he was elected.
:wtf:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
struggle4progress Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 02:42 PM
Response to Reply #23
45. You should check out Ron Paul's proposal! LoungeCare® figures prominently in it
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Gidney N Cloyd Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 12:36 PM
Response to Original message
24. Stupid lobster saw the butter sitting out and figured you just wanted to play "Last Tango in Paris"?
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
rug Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 12:40 PM
Response to Reply #24
27. It's shelly, not horny.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 12:43 PM
Response to Reply #27
30. Someone was horny if they put a live lobster in their pants
Why else would they put one in there?
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
rug Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 12:44 PM
Response to Reply #30
33. Oh, you're sayimg I was asking for it?
Pig.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 12:57 PM
Response to Reply #33
38. So you're saying you were just randomly hanging around doing absolutely nothing
And a live lobster crawled up your ass.

Really?
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
rug Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 01:00 PM
Response to Reply #38
39. Aas a matter of fact, I was bending down to feed a stray cat when I backed into a lobster trap.
Not wishing to startle the poor kitty, I ignored what was rapidly becoming an admixture of horror, humiliation and an unusual curiosity.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
krispos42 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 12:44 PM
Response to Original message
31. The same way you put in in, I would guess?
Why did you put a live lobster in your donkey to begin with? What will you tell the ASPCA?
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
rug Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 12:45 PM
Response to Reply #31
34. Who told you about the donkey?
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
krispos42 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 12:53 PM
Response to Reply #34
37. The movie's been making the rounds.
The audience I had over last week had two suggestions. One was to use the tripod for the camera next time, and the other I can't post on DU.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
rug Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 01:00 PM
Response to Reply #37
40. Shit.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
krispos42 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 01:08 PM
Response to Reply #40
42. Oh, don't worry.
The audience was overall very complimentary of you.


Plus, sold a shitload of popcorn.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
nickgutierrez Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 12:46 PM
Response to Original message
35. Relax. n/t
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Fire Walk With Me Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 01:07 PM
Response to Original message
41. To beat a lobster, you have to think like a lobster.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
LynneSin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 01:24 PM
Response to Reply #41
43. Interesting since a lobster has an unorganized mass of nerves they call a brain
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Tuesday Afternoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 01:47 PM
Response to Original message
44. tantric yoga
Edited on Wed Sep-07-11 01:48 PM by Tuesday Afternoon
:shrug:

:D

:yoiks:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
texanwitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 02:47 PM
Response to Original message
46. Call Billy, he just rescued a kitten trapped in a wall, I am sure he can help you.
There doesn't seem anything Billy can't do.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
rrneck Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 02:58 PM
Response to Original message
47. whistle. nt
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
dixiegrrrrl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 04:21 PM
Response to Original message
48. This thread is useless without pictures.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
rug Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 04:27 PM
Response to Reply #48
49. You should see the lobster.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
kentauros Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 04:40 PM
Response to Original message
50. Scold your ass about eating live lobsters, Jack
:P
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
nolabear Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 04:57 PM
Response to Original message
51. You're shittin' me, right?
That's what HE said.

:rofl:

Thanks. I needed a funny thread today.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
bluedigger Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 05:36 PM
Response to Original message
52. You're on your own with that.
Just remember, anything over 5 inches, eye socket to end of carapace, you can keep. Under that, you should release. Your local regs may vary.:)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
dimbear Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 05:50 PM
Response to Original message
53. Send in an octopus, bro. And watch more anime. n/t
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Lucian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 06:05 PM
Response to Original message
54. When you get the answer to that, I need to know how to get a Candiru out of my pee hole.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candiru
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Orrex Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 08:32 PM
Response to Reply #54
57. You need to attack the problem as if it were one of those "Chinese" finger puzzles
Good luck to you.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
mockmonkey Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-07-11 08:29 PM
Response to Original message
55. Ask Derek and Clive?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derek_and_Clive
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
DU AdBot (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Thu May 02nd 2024, 10:19 PM
Response to Original message
Advertisements [?]
 Top

Home » Discuss » The DU Lounge Donate to DU

Powered by DCForum+ Version 1.1 Copyright 1997-2002 DCScripts.com
Software has been extensively modified by the DU administrators

Important Notices: By participating on this discussion board, visitors agree to abide by the rules outlined on our Rules page. Messages posted on the Democratic Underground Discussion Forums are the opinions of the individuals who post them, and do not necessarily represent the opinions of Democratic Underground, LLC.

Home  |  Discussion Forums  |  Journals |  Store  |  Donate

About DU  |  Contact Us  |  Privacy Policy

Got a message for Democratic Underground? Click here to send us a message.

© 2001 - 2011 Democratic Underground, LLC