If CNN and MSNBC covered an NFL game...

Daily Kos: If CNN and MSNBC covered an NFL game...
by billysumday
Tue Aug 26, 2008

Wolf Blitzer, Anderson Cooper, Chris Matthews, and Keith Olbermann sit together at a large table wearing matching red and blue ties. A series of graphics and statistics show that 52% of people from Florida don't believe the Dolphins will be able to beat the Bengals. 58% of Ohioans believe that the Bengals will win, but only 27% plan on watching any of the games. Kickoff. The camera stays in the booth, as Keith announces that the Dolphins have returned the ball to the Bengals' 34 yard line.

Cut to Chuck Todd, standing by himself on the sidelines, who states that the Bengals have a strong special teams unit. Many experts don't believe that the Bengals will give up any big plays. The score ticker at the bottom of the screen signals that Miami has just scored a touchdown. Cut back to the men in the booth.

Wolf Blitzer talks with the coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers: "I'm here with Coach Mike Tomlin of the Pittsburgh Steelers. We've just heard word that the Miami Dolphins have added the extra point to their score, taking a seven point lead over the Bengals. How do you think this game is going to go?" Coach Tomlin replies that he will be interested in the performance of Ricky Williams, who is trying to resurrect his career. A graphic flashes on the screen, showing that Williams scored the touchdown with a 17-yard run. Commercial.

Back from commercial, Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann smile creepily at each other as Luke Russert interviews "young fans" who believe that this is the year the Dolphins return to old glory. Luke keeps hammering the fact that only 34% of Bengals fans under 29 think that Carson Palmer is a fantastic "field general." At the bottom of the screen, we read that the Bengals have fumbled the ball at their own 38 yard line. Cut back to the booth.

Anderson Cooper sits with NBA commissioner David Stern and asks him what he thinks of this NFL game so far. "Anderson," David replies, "to be honest, I find the game completely lacking in excitement. The NFL has how many weeks in a season? 17? And they're wasting their first weekend. What is this? Where are the injuries, the threats, the showboating?" The score ticker signifies that the Dolphins are now ahead 13-0....

http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2008/8/26/8643/98971

threw off young rusert immensly while they choked back the tears as their surrogate son took center stage.. blah, blech.

I tried watching MSNBC's convention coverage last night - I gave up on CNN long ago - and it was impossible. Even though I like Chris Matthews most of the time, he was giddy and giggling and spoke over everyone. Sadly, Keith Olbermann wasn't that much better, chattering away like he had to get in so many words before the blade came down on the back of his neck. It finally became intolerable.

Someone here at DU recommended C-Span.

What a pleasure.

Obama's sister's speech, I realized that the cable nets' coverage was not only inadequate, but more about the network's stars than about the Convention. I do like KO usually, and even Tweety occasionally -- and I like Chuck Todd -- so I confess I go back and forth. But I stay in constant touch with C-Span so as not to miss another event on the order of the candidate's sibling or Jesse Jackson, Jr speaking.

It's still set for CSPAN, so all I have to do is turn it on.

The coverage goes to the field, where the Bengals are lining up on their own 12-yard line, 1st and 10 on their second possession.

The ball is snapped, Palmer takes the snap, fakes a pass, and, in the face of a blitz, hands the ball off to a running back, who is hit ...

cut to the pundits who talk about how the cheerleaders wouldn't be able to wear their uniforms to school ...

as they argue about what distance from the knee the skirts should go, the crawl says that the Bengals did, in fact, score on that play that they cut away from ...

Hours later, during the sports segment of the local news, the viewers who were still up are treated to a clip of what will be hailed as the #3 sports highlight of the year as the running back breaks away from the hit and make the clip of the football player spiking the trombone player look like an organized event ...