Can anyone here translate this bullshit for me? It's from a blogger called "Rightwoman"

She blogs on a rabid wingnut site in AZ. She claims to have a Ph.D in education. In plain English please.


With the tune from the ol’ Mission Impossible show replaying in my head, I had the craziest idea. I know how to save the world. Well I think I can save the fiscal world. I am the Pied Piper of punditry, the Wilma Wonka of wonkery– just follow me, for I’ve got the golden ticket Charlie:

As the rescue, bailout, savior dollars flood the street, we all look for ways to throw more liquid onto the flow. We need more cash. But, as soon as a government starts to print the bills, the inflation rockets. It’s just not a good idea ever. Economic strength is built on the age old Econ 101 reality- SCARCITY. The less you got the more you want. Simple.

So how do we pump in the funds and not weaken the value of the dollar?

Imploding Money.

Yes, Mr. Phelps, you’ve an actual bill that looks like all others. It has a value and will be useful like all money. But mixed in the paper we know are replicants we don’t. They’ve a life span of five years. Once the bell tolls, the money dissolves in your hands. So, the actual bill will literally leave the system one day like a sweet lover in the night. No number on the bedside–just the memory.

Yet, if you are smart and check for that bill- knowing the intricate nuances evident, you can turn it in before it’s destruction, and replace it with a normal piece of fiat currency. A da Vinci Code of the bill’s cypher is obtainable.

You might be able to keep the bill too, if you know how to stop the harmless but destructive chemical reaction. Some will do just this, and the bills become highly collectible.

Now, enter the fiscal Blade Runner. While we know there are dissolving bills out there, waiting to trick us and die, we also have been told, that there is a secret. There’s a code within the code and if you know how to find it for a small number of the replicant dollars, you will wind up with a miraculous bill.

A very small percent are like winning lotto tickets. If you can turn off that dollar bill, and get it to stay active- to live, YOU WIN. If you happen to be the lucky one to get the golden ticket- that $5, $10, or even a $20, will be worth 100,000 times its face value upon the fifth anniversary. On it’s twentieth anniversary, it’s worth one million times the face. Like Harrison Ford’s Decker, you must find the replicant with a switch off and a future. Hold it close and it will grow in value.

You know, I hear it constantly: the economy is imploding. Our money’s value is shifting all of the time anyway. Why the heck should Henry, “Lurch” Paulson, a bunch of acorn dropping squirrel-like democrats, and the entire lot of sniveling congressmen and senators have any say in my economy? I played by the rules, and they gave spa pedicures to cloven hoofed insurance devils.

Let’s make the money work for us–literally.

Crazy?? Maybe I saw Blade Runner too many times? Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?
Are the androids going to run the country while I am offered up to be the slaughtered sheep? Hardly. I’m not ready to be the mutton in the stew, and if we don’t get really creative, our way of living will be thrown back to an agrarian or barter system where we are all the herders.

"Rightwoman is either an idiot or a master of satire."

Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference, you know?

Rightwoman has seriously read too much Ayn Rand, that much I know.

Randroids are utterly destitute when it comes to humor.

that she doesn't need her medicine anymore.

the idea is the money is going to self-destruct (some of it) so when you get some, you won't know how long it will last, therefore you will spend it as quickly as possible, increasing the velocity of money in the economy (how many times it changes hands). Increased velocity is a good thing, but only someone unschooled in economics would think this will work. There's a similar concept in the one of Robert Anton Wilson's Illuminatus books involving negative interest money.

It's basically inflationary monetary policy with a deflationary mechanism built in, ignoring the fact that the auto-deflation would be hopelessly impractical to actually implement as you'd have to audit every single currency bill.

Write vague metaphors and let let readers self-validate.