Hilarious--"Bush, Kerry to Carry Weapons in Final Debate"

http://www.borowitzreport.com/

snip

“We’ve heard the criticism that the debates have been too choreographed and controlled,” said Jean Stovall, a spokesperson for the committee. “Hopefully, the promise that gunfire could break out at any moment will go a long way toward changing that perception.”

snip

“This is all about giving two men who despise each other very, very much the means by which they can slay each other,” Ms. Stovall said. “If that results in higher ratings, well, that’s just gravy.”

Both candidates took time out of their busy campaign schedules today to select weapons to carry onstage with them in the third debate, Mr. Bush choosing a Smith and Wesson six-shooter and Mr. Kerry opting for a combat knife from his tour of duty in Vietnam.

“I expect a lively discussion of the issues tomorrow night,” said Mr. Kerry, brandishing the gleaming six-inch blade for reporters. “But if that bastard gets up in my grille, I’m going to cut him.”

snip

on edit--I forgot to remind the humor-challenged trolls that Borowitz is a satirist and this is all made up for fun.