Kerry Preemptively Declares Victory in Election 2004

Oct 23 2004 by Michael Gantman
Irritated by what he calls George Bush's "relentless appeal to the stupid," John Kerry has taken the preemptive step of declaring himself President even before the first ballots are counted.

"I just received a call from George Bush congratulating me," Kerry said to a group of supporters in Eau Claire, WI, last Thursday. "I want to thank the Texas Governor and remind everyone that I am President and to reelect me this November."

When asked to comment, President Bush said that he didn't remember making the call and went on to suggest that unless this had been some "weird Bobby Ewing dream sequence" he's really the President and has the towels to prove it.

A Fox News poll taken before Kerry's announcement showed the two candidates in a dead heat. But after Kerry's victory speech he appears unstoppable. "I'm going to vote for President Kerry again," said a formerly undecided voter. "I think he's been doing a good job for the country."

snip

Bush was planning to go on national television tonight to refute Kerry's claim, but since only the President may preempt scheduled programming his request was denied.

http://www.deadbrain.com/politics/article_2004_10_23_2946.php

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HAhahahaha! Well done piece
:thumbsup: :thumbsup: