my moveon.org flash submission

moveon.org is having another contest. This one is a flash animation about Bush and his social security plan.

I spent the last week and a half cranking this puppy out and I would like some feedback from the good people here at the DU before I submit it as it is due by friday!

here is a link, let me know what you think!

http://www.syntheticniche.com/ss

Dig it!

I think it is excellent! Very well done and clearly illustrative of the inequities of the cap. Great job!

If you don't mind I'm gonna forward that URL to a bunch of folks.

Very well done and with a very clear message.

Keep this post KICKED........everyone needs to see this

Your creation is great. I only have one area that bothers me. You say when the baby boomers retire SS will go broke. I don't believe that. Perhaps if it would say if all would pay their fair share of SS through wage deduction SS would be secure. Hope this is clear.

but I did a ton of reading and isn't that a fact that social security is not going to be able to sustain all the boomers as they retire.

I mean, bushes plan is crazy but we have to do something, and I thought the mass retirement of the biggest generation in the history of america was why...I couldb e wrong though...thats why I posted here!

but maybe I could change the language so it isn't so harsh?

thanks!

When baby boomers retire social security will have a shortage of about 30% as much as it should be. So to say that's going broke is an exaggeration.

'as the baby boomers retire'

'social security will get tested'

or

'social security will get thin'

'social security will diminish'

'social security goes down 30%'

'social security dwindles 30%'


I dunno....its gotta be quick and short though...

Now if you don't mind one more nit, you could get nailed on the fact your graphic shows ALL of Joe Taxpayer's SS taxes "going private." Maybe you should show some of it being siphoned off in maybe a lighter shade of green while the "grandparents" supply of dollar signs, um, diminishes. I think it would make the point about how Bush would have to borrow $42 tillion replace it that much more effectively.

Since the part of about the "ten million dollars" is the most important part of your piece, the entire phrase in be in large type.

And why not lose the "If" in the intro? Get right to the point--"Social Security: It ain't broke--DON'T PRIVATIZE IT!"

:headbang:
rocknation

P.S. Grammar police: "Your savings ARE at the mercy of Wall Street." In the U.S., at least, "paycheck" doesn't have a dash. And at the end of the paycheck line there should be an asterisk to match the one on the $90,000 line.

:thumbsup:

That's Bush's entire plan--to bust Social Security!

The republicans have been trying this for years. :grr:

It's really, really good. You explain a really complex issue so simply, yet you're not talking down to your audience. Really well done!

seemed a little like the pro-privatizations rhetoric.

I know what you meant, but privatiziation would IMMEDIATELY cause a deficit in the Social Sec. fund.

I wonder if you should take out the baby-boomer retirement part.

-or should.

especially cause deficits after the baby boomers retire, but I thought the video might be clearer without that bit.

Two minor criticisms:

1) At one point, the top of it flashes "That means" and nothing else (I hope you know when I'm referring to, because I don't have much else for reference.) I think you could leave those words on the screen a few more frames. It leads you to believe you might've missed something, and distracts the viewer.

2) When it says "100 billion dollars", I'd do one of the following:

type out "One Hundred Billion Dollars"
type out "$1,000,000,000"
or type out "$100 billion"

The number just winds up too far away from the subject it describes otherwise, and it just distracts a little.

Again, very minor criticisms, and yes, it's nit-picky. I wanted to give some detailed remarks though so you have some substantive guidance, in case you wanted it. Excellent job on this ad.

yeah ...this thing went through a lot of versions and it was very hard to get the point across without it being a hail storm of facts and figures and numbers and graphs and charts.

I kept thinking, simplify simplify simplify!

thats a good idea about spelling out 100 billion dollars though!

thanks for the deets!

I believe that was just an effect of the transition. "That means" was actually part of a full screen comp prior to the effect.

Vote this onto the Greatest page!

:headbang:
rocknation

I had some suggestions, but it looks like you are getting plenty of ideas from all the others, so I will just say "Great Work!"

Does Moveon have a time limit on the commercial? Is it even for television? (These are the things I should have found out before posting.)

and found nothing about a time limit on their site for this thing. I dont think this is for tv, I think it is for the web only.

the website for moveon.orgs competition is www.bushin30years.com

thanks though!

Great as usual....

You have much more ambition and talent than most of us. But since you asked for feedback.....

The Moveon site says, "So make sure your Flash piece encourages your audience to sign the petition." Did I miss that part?

Also, was it me or does the music end about 6 seconds early?

And should the last statement be "There is no crisis" or "There would be no crisis" English majors out there?

BUT, really what I would like to hear is a Cat 'meow' when the can of cat food appears!

OK, now, I can see I've extended my welcome.

about that last line! English major indeed!

I will change that this evening when I get home!

and I will look around for sound file of a cat meowing!

oh...do you have a mac? Flash runs slow on macs ...totally sucks. The animation runs slow but the music runs normal so it gets a little wacked!

Hey I just watched your election fraud and 911 tribute. Coolio.

the problem and the solution. Good job!

I am always amazed at the talent, creativity and ability here at DU, though I shouldn't be. It does make me smile :)

:kick:

Is this for a TV? I guess not. It's way too long for that.

My complaint is that you use the world crisis. The Democratic Meme is that there is no crisis. I don't think you should use the word crisis. You should say: "funding gap" or something similar.

Crisis is what Republicans tried to use to create a panic and i don't think we should pick up thier spin points.

and I dont think there is a time limit...unless it is 30 years (he he he)

I thought I used the word 'crisis' sarcastically on there...maybe I should get rid of it though...

In fact, benefits would just have to be reduced. I don't think you shoudl say broke. Anything that makes Social Security look bad should be avoided. This is our baby. You should modify your language a little.

"As Baby Boomers Retire, social security benefits will have to be cut...unless...."

said the same thing and when I get home from work tonight I am going to change that to 'social security will diminish'

thanks for your two cents though! Means a lot to get feedback!

May I forward it to people on my email list?

thanks for the props!

It was incorrect because "children" is plural--He should have said "ARE our children learning?" And for that reason, your line should read "Your savings ARE at the mercy of Wall Street."

:headbang:
rocknation

loved it,


A few good suggestions here but is good ta go for me.....

good job...

You Rock!

they are the bastards trying to call it a crisis........

my favorite part still by far is the granny in the walker jumping up and down after hitting the SS 'jackpot' while others go bust.

Fantastic imagery.

SHE ROCKS!

:headbang:
rocknation

Mind if I send this to a few thousand activist friends? ;-)

Kick

Edit: The MoveOn link sent me over to their main page, not the petition.

Makes things very easy to understand. Visual aids really help.

I'm a flash developer/enthusianst too and I can say this is completely amazing.

Educational too!

Very creative and simple and has the facts. I love it. Very talented. Definietly sumbit it!!!

:toast:

I thought it was great! Thanks for posting it, I really enjoyed it.

Julie

Seriously :thumbsup:

1) at one point you used the word "lets", as in "Lets review"
Should be let's (with an apostrophe) -- contraction for "let us"

2) Where did you get the $4.2 trillion?
Over what timeframe?

I fixed number one

and for 2 I listed all my sources no the site and I am poking around trying to find where I got that number and can't seem to locate it.

Have you read something that contradicts the 4.2 trillion dollars the government would have to borrow to make up the difference?

Be sure to specify the TIME FRAME.

Krugman says: (don't know if you want to quote Krugman)
http://www.pkarchive.org/column/011105.html

>>
Advocates of privatization almost always pretend that all we have to do is borrow a bit of money up front, and then the system will become self-sustaining. The Wehner memo talks of borrowing $1 trillion to $2 trillion "to cover transition costs." Similar numbers have been widely reported in the news media.

But that's just the borrowing over the next decade. Privatization would cost an additional $3 trillion in its second decade, $5 trillion in the decade after that and another $5 trillion in the decade after that. By the time privatization started to save money, if it ever did, the federal government would have run up around $15 trillion in extra debt.
>>


You might want to check www.cbpp.org

Stright forward, fact based, and simple enough even the simpletons could understand it!