Tom DeLay and a snapping turtle

Particular politicians often remind me of particular animals. Dick Cheney, for example, is obviously a pit bull. Joe Biden is a badger -- or when I'm really mad at him, a skunk. Denny Hastert is a grizzled old polar bear -- who needs to go on a diet. And so on.

But offhand, I can't think of anyone (in the politics business or anywhere else for that matter) who reminds me so much of a particular species as Tom DeLay does. And that species is Chelydra serpentina -- the common snapping turtle.

The physical resemblance itself is striking:

My grandfather, a born naturalist who knew more about the Southern woodland ecosystem than a battalion of trained biologists, used to say that when a snapping turtle bit it wouldn't let go until it thundered. What he meant was that once something -- a stick, a dog's leg, your finger -- got between those jaws, the only way to extract it was to cut off the turtle's head. And even then you'd probably have to pry the damn beak apart with a Bowie knife. ...

Tom really needs to shut up and concentrate on his dental grip -- which, by definition, you can't do when you're talking. I'm not saying it will work: There's always a chance the voters back in Sugarland will pull out the Bowie knife and solve the problem the way my grandfather would have.

But I think Delay's chances of remaining king of the pond, at least for a little while longer, would definitely be better if he stopped trying to explain himself to the satisfaction of his critics and the news media. It's a little late for that now.

Besides, if somebody is going to cut off Snapper Tom's head with a Bowie knife, I want to be there to watch.