President Bush Supports Alternative Fuels Research (humor)

President Bush Supports Alternative Fuels Research
Instead of Conservation
A special report by Zbigniew Zingh
www.dissidentvoice.org
July 7, 2005

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In an effort to dampen consumer and Wall Street fears about skyrocketing oil prices, and to assuage the scientific community's concerns about global warming, President Bush has announced a major new effort to support the research and development of clean, alternative fuels.

As world petroleum prices continue to oscillate around $60/barrel, Mr. Bush told reporters at a hastily called news conference by the pumps of a newly opened CNOOC filling station that “There is absolutely no basis for anyone to be concerned about oil production peaking. I think Americans should continue to drive their cars and golf carts and lawn mowers and run their air conditioners just as much as they like and not worry about anything because there's plenty of oil out there. We just need to figure out whose got it and how to take it from them.”

“Nevertheless,” said Mr. Bush, “we want to show that this administration is sensitive to the needs of the future by funding alternative fuels research that is consistent with our national interests and family values. Now, we're not talking about those tired, old 'liberal' energy alternatives, like wind and solar power, but something really innovative.”

Flanked by Kenneth Lay, the CEO of Exxon/Mobil, Pat Robertson and D. Ryan Upwells, Undersecretary for Fossilized Fuel Thinking at the Department of Energy, Mr. Bush announced a research program budgeted for $2,304.78 annually over the next five years, or approximately what it will likely cost to fill up the average SUV's gas tank eighteen months from now.

More:
http://www.dissidentvoice.org/July05/Zingh0707.htm