Humvee Corporation announced today that meetings between the WH, the Pentagon and Humvee's top engineers have finally led to a radically new vehicle design that could shorten the war effort in Iraq by years.
Senior Design Engineer, Jack Ess, admitted that the project, code-named "Project Jackass", had initially been set back by arguments about what type of fuel would be best for the new vehicles and whether the exhaust fumes could prove lethal to operators. Others felt the vehicles were far too complicated to operate for poorly trained American 'jockeys'.
Cost problems initially plagued the project. Budget analysts worried that cost projections showing the project might come in hundreds of billions of dollars under budget could make the Congress look foolish. "They spent all kinds of time going over the numbers," said Chief Project Accountant, Stu Bornasamule. "They're not going to like this. If we can't find someplace to spend this hundred billion, we're all going to look like we don't know what we're doing."
But in spite of earlier problems, the new vehicles are already hinting at an earlier end to the war. "The guys like to race 'em" commented one American GI in Al-Anbar province in western Iraq. Another commented that he "knew one guy who made over a hundred bucks charging the local children for rides on 'em."
An upbeat Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld, talked to the press yesterday about the deployment of the Army's new vehicle. "It's clear that we finally got this thing turned around. The 'Jackasses', that's what we call our new secret weapons, are already making a huge difference. The resistance is clearly in its last throes. What army would dare challenge the massive firepower of the United States now that we have these babies in our arsenal? Once the American people begin to understand exactly what we're doing over here, things are going to change for the better."
Truer words were never spoken.
From the "Islamic Memo" newspaper of Saudi Arabia
link:
http://www.watchingamerica.com/islamicmemo000001.htmlEyewitnesses in northwestern Iraq have reported that United States Marines have been using donkeys and mules to travel through the western Iraqi desert for fear of resistance ambushes. <skip>
A number of Iraqi sheep smugglers, who had seen the American soldiers riding the donkeys and mules, had thought that the Americans were conducting some kind of new military operation. One of the Egyptian translators who works as a mercenary for the occupation forces informed them of the real reason for this latest U.S. travel method: The pack-animals can sense danger before it occurs, and they are not easily spotted by attackers.
This eyewitness report confirms what is already known of the damage that the resistance is inflicting on the American occupation. U.S. armored vehicles and Humvees have failed to survive the powerful roadside explosives, even though they are reinforced with extra protection and sensors.
During the second battle of Fallujah, an American official admitted that the explosives used by the resistance are ripping U.S. vehicles to shreds. This can be seen in the many photos of destroyed American vehicles, made public by the resistance every week.
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