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BOSSHOG Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Oct-28-05 12:28 PM
Original message
GJ Diversion - Really bad Jokes thread
Two Nuns got into a minor car wreck. They went to a garage to get their car fixed but the mechanic sent to a fruit stand because he heard Nuns traveled in "Pairs."?!?

There is no way possible that joke can be bettered. Go ahead try!
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chicagomd Donating Member (437 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Oct-28-05 12:31 PM
Response to Original message
1. Yams...
Two yams are in the oven.

One looks over at the other and says: "Damn, its getting hot in here!"

The other yam looks over and says: "HOLY SHIT. A TALKING YAM."

next...
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newyawker99 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-29-05 11:07 AM
Response to Reply #1
6. Hi chicagomd!!
Welcome to DU!! :toast:
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EFerrari Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-29-05 11:55 AM
Response to Reply #1
23. LOL! Welcome to DU, Chicagomd.
:hi:
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ComerPerro Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Oct-28-05 12:33 PM
Response to Original message
2. One of my favorites:
Two Teddy Bears are sitting in a bathtub, taking a bath.

One says, "Can you pass the soap?"

The other says, "What do you think I am? A fucking lightbulb?"
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EFerrari Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-29-05 11:12 AM
Response to Reply #2
10. How many surreallists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A bicycle.

:rofl:
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proud2BlibKansan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-29-05 11:15 AM
Response to Reply #2
12. Maybe I am too old Comer
:shrug:
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quisp Donating Member (926 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Oct-28-05 12:34 PM
Response to Original message
3. I don't get it...
:dunce:
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hatrack Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Oct-28-05 12:36 PM
Response to Original message
4. So, what did the Dalai Lama say to the hot dog vendor?
"Make me one with everything."
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EFerrari Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-29-05 11:11 AM
Response to Reply #4
8. Great. It's 9 in the morning, and I want mustard.
:rofl:
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madinmaryland Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Oct-28-05 02:40 PM
Response to Original message
5. Here's a really bad one . . .

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

:evilgrin:
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proud2BlibKansan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-29-05 11:18 AM
Response to Reply #5
13. Bush was searching through his desk in the oval office
In one drawer, he found a slide rule. In another, he found a protractor. In a third drawer, he found a compass and a calculator.

He jumped up and started screaming "I found them! I found them!"


What did he find?











The weapons of Math instruction.
:rofl:
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EFerrari Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-29-05 11:21 AM
Response to Reply #13
15. LOL!
:rofl:
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EFerrari Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-29-05 11:09 AM
Response to Original message
7. A priest, a rapist and a pedophile go into a bar.
And that was just the first guy.
. . . . . .

(Disclaimer: I'm Catholic and got it from a Catholic so remember, THIS IS A JOKE. IT IS ONLY A JOKE.)
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proud2BlibKansan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-29-05 11:11 AM
Response to Original message
9. Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it scares the hell out of their dogs.
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EFerrari Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-29-05 11:14 AM
Response to Reply #9
11. LOL! (I'm cheating: Doug is feeding me jokes)
Last man on Earth walks into a bar. And he says, "Drink, give me another bar tender."
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proud2BlibKansan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-29-05 11:42 AM
Response to Reply #11
19. LOL
That is great.
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EFerrari Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-29-05 11:19 AM
Response to Original message
14. Traveling salesman's car breaks down.
Goes to a farmhouse and asks the farmer, "Can I stay the night?"

Farmer says,"Sure. My three beautiful daughters have all moved out."

Salesman says, "Sh1t! I'm in the wrong joke!"
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BOSSHOG Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-29-05 11:29 AM
Response to Original message
16. If a pine tree falls in the woods
and springs back up, does it freak out the squirrels?
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EFerrari Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-29-05 11:48 AM
Response to Reply #16
20. Get outta town.
lol
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BOSSHOG Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-29-05 11:30 AM
Response to Original message
17. A guy hears a knock at his front door
He opens the door and a slug is on the porch. He picks the slug up and throws it as far as he can. Three years later another knock on the door. The guy opens the door and the slug is there. The slug says, what was that all about?
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EFerrari Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-29-05 11:49 AM
Response to Reply #17
21. That's funny. LOL! n/t
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BOSSHOG Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-29-05 11:37 AM
Response to Original message
18. A Priest, a Minister and a Rabbi walk into a bar
The bartender says, what is this a joke?
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EFerrari Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-29-05 11:53 AM
Response to Reply #18
22. Woman comes home to her husband, and says, "Honey
I just won the lottery! 50 MILLION DOLLARS! Pack your bags!"

Her husband says,"What are we talking about? Mexico? Hawaii?!"

And she says,"I don't care. Just get the f8ck out!"
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Uncle Joe Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-29-05 12:18 PM
Response to Original message
24. What do you get if you mix Lassie with a Pit Bull?
A dog that will rip your arm off and then go for help.
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EFerrari Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-29-05 12:23 PM
Response to Reply #24
25. A Jewish Gramma was walking her 5 yr old grandson on the beach
A wave comes up and carries him out to sea and he drowns.

Gramma looks up and says, "Please God, bring my Izzy back -- I'll do anything. I'll go to temple, I'll be nice to my children. I beg you, please bring him back!"

Another wave comes and brings him back, safe and sound.

She looks up and says, "He had a hat!"
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UTUSN Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-29-05 12:27 PM
Response to Original message
26. Shrub, Pickles, Condo, & Darth Rums Were on Air Force 1
Shrub looked out the window and said, "I could drop a thousand dollar bill out and make somebody very happy."

Pickles said, "Well, dumbo, I could drop a ten hundreds and make TEN people happy."

Condo said, "I could drop a hundred tens and make one hundred people happy."

Rums said, "I could drop a thousand ones and make a thousand people happy."

The pilot said to the co-pilot, "I could drop these four assholes out the hatch and make 4 billion people happy."
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EFerrari Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-29-05 12:30 PM
Response to Reply #26
27. Keeper!
:rofl:
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