Three things you should know before entering politics.

1. E-Mails are forever

Do you like to send your associates witty online messages? Do you put in these messages things you'd never put in a formal letter, things like calling the members of the conservative religious community who you have duped into voting against against a casino that your clients oppose, "wackos"? Or calling those self same clients "monkeys"?

Have you ever goofed online with your assistants about your fasion sense and how good you look while trying to spin a natural disaster of epic proportions--a disaster which you are supposed to be managing?

Lesson: Never, never put anything in an e-mail that you wouldn't want to be read in a Congressional hearings or late night talk shows for that matter.

2. Beware the outraged ex spouse.

OK, you and your wife split up. That's nobody's business, now make sure it stays that way. Frankly, she has you by the short hairs, pal and it's time to pony up. I mean payola big time--especially if you're a guy who can afford it. Flowers, candy and dead presidents, lots of them.

It might also help if you were just a little less generous with your girlfriends--I mean no matter what you gave your ex to keep her mouth shut (er I mean to provide for her needs) it's going to look insufficient if you're shelling out dough for a new houme for your new love.

Even if you manage to get elected she can still embarrass you. Here you are giving a speech on the budget and she's appearing across town in a revival of the "Vagina Monologues" with Donna Hanover Guiliani.

Lesson: Put your money where it will do you the most good.

3. If you're going to tell a lie make sure its a good one.

OK, so you're questioned about this smear job you did on a whistleblower. You told your reporter pals something that you shouldn't have, something classifed, to discredit this whistleblower. Your defense--"it was no secret"--"everyone knew"--"why my good buddy, Mr. Meethepress, over there told me about it." Problem is, Mr. Meethepress tells the Grand Jury he didn't tell you any such thing and your reporter pals, faced with a long stretch in jail, also tell the Grand Jury that you were spreading gossip like a small town cocktail waitress.

Lesson: The cover up is always more damaging than the crime--ask Richard Nixon.

Of course the other solution to these issues is to act with moral integrity morning, noon and night.

But we're talking about politicans here and so they will continue to serve up wonderful examples of vileness and stupidity for our amusement.

Too bad it hurts the country.