Ann Coulter's Christmas Presents

That Ann is such a true American Patriot that I have been Christmas (er ah I mean holiday) shopping for her. I've decided to buy her a sweater but can't seem to find one in her size with a 20" neck. I might buiy her a carton of cigarettes. Maybe even a bottle of booze!

would be on the business end of a brick right through Anthrax Annie's front window. That harpy bitch will rot in the ninth circle for all the lies she's spewed over the years.

She doesn't have that.

Great line.

i can't decide which

A Hannibal Lector muzzle with the mouth grate covered with duct tape? Works for me.

n/t

the best crossed-dressed thing the GOP has.

What do you think the FR world will do when Ann Coulter finally comes out of his black dress? Let you imagination go and laugh.

Then I say unto you..

Shave the whales!

Right arm.

Farm out

Out of state.

Jalapeno brother.

happiness to all.

..

This idea is from a 1999 column:

Ann of a thousand lays
Ten modest proposals to help Ann Coulter get a date.

. . .

8) Buy a vibrator.

In addition to all your other problems, I think you need to rack up some quick orgasms. There's one called "the Rabbit" which I hear gets you going from several different angles at once, if you know what I mean. It was featured in a recent episode of "Sex in the City."

Once you've cleared your system of all the toxins that back up when you stop getting off, you should immediately ...

9) Get your head out of your ass.

. . .

http://archive.salon.com/media/feature/1999/06/25/coulter/index1.html

1) Quit injecting yourself with your own urine.
I don't mean to be presumptuous, but the rumor is that George Balanchine used to put so much pressure on his corps d' ballet to remain razor-thin that some of them injected themselves with their own urine to keep the pounds off. You look like you're doing this also.
Although I've never met you in person, I've seen you on TV (after all, like all the other D.C. people you characterize so well, I watch TV constantly rather than socialize) and, not to put too fine a point on it, you make Calista Flockhart look like a grand-master sumo. I've had potato skins that are thicker than your biceps. I've dated a couple of really thin women in my day, and I assure you, it's a major turn-off when their hipbones bruise you when you're intimate together.


(snip)

4) Quit being white.
It's a common knock that Republicans don't date much outside of their own prep schools, but you take this to a ridiculous extreme. You should rewrite your article and insert the word "white" in front of "Washington," as in "boys in white Washington don't know how ...

You see, Ann, there's a secret and mysterious world out there which is actually inside the Beltway, in fact inside the District. It's called "The World Which is Not Northwest," and it includes Southeast, Southwest, and Northeast. These are the three quadrants of D.C. which are occupied by the "black" and "brown" people who now comprise the overwhelming majority of Washington.

(more)

http://archive.salon.com/media/feature/1999/06/25/coulter/index.html

and then let Bush bomb it.

Seriously. The woman's nearing her golden years and she still looks/dresses like a teenage crack 'ho. It's a little embarassing, frankly.