The State of the Union - first draft

Filed under: Constructive Criticism — MrBogle @ 3:28 pm

(Hey, Karl. Here’s the first draft of my “State of the Union” speech. I’ve put some questions for ya in parenthisaurs. Let me know what you think. Best -W)

MY STATE OF THE UNION SPEECH by George W. Bush

Mr. Speaker, Vice President Cheney, extreme members of Congress, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls and children of all ages.

As we boldly enter a new year of hurling before us, I’ve come before you to tell you that Freedom is spreading like cancer in the Middle East, our economy is even robustier than it was last year and, if we all work together in this coming year, there will be countless more fish to fry, or bake if you’re watching your cholesterol.

Tonight, with more and more Americans going back to work, with our nation an active force for goodnicity in the world, the state of our union is truly flamboyiscious. (SP?)

This past year, we have accomplished many things that no one expected and some outright feared.

Our No Child Left Behind Act has not only increased our youngins’ ability to read and do math, but we have decreased the student population dramatically, nationwide. Now, when a child graduates high school, not only will he or she be able to print his or her name tag while asking “Do you want fries with that?” they’ll be able to add up the menu total.

The past year, we’ve reframed and totally regurgitated Medicare, creating thousands of jobs in emergency room care.

We have added two million jobs in non-auto construction related fields.

We have plugged the holes of the bankruptcy dykes, who threatened to cheat honest bankers and credit card employers out of their hard squandered cash.

We have tackled such hard questions as how frightened are you of Social Security disappearing, how many hurricanes can FEMA handle and how fast can the House pass a bill when no one is looking?

But we must not rest on our laureates.

The year ahead will present us with challenges both overseas, at home and elsewhere.

I’m going to remind you all that we’re living in hysteric times. The decisions we make today will help shape the direction of events for years, even weeks, to come.

Now, recently, there has been a hornet’s nest of inflappatory (SP?) rhetoric concerning my involvement with so called “domestic spying.” It’s true, I have allowed NASA to spy on Americans but let me remind you of one important fact: the world changed after 9/11.

Think about it. 9/10? You’re riding your bike whistling a happy tune. 9/12? You’re scared stiff. In between? 9/11. Bingo.

If any of you don’t remember 9/11, we were attacked by a group of drooling madmen who hate us for our freedoms, so I decided to lessen them.

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Keith’s Barbeque Central

If you want to make this speech somewhat realistic, you have to mention September 11th, 2001 and/or terrorism within the first three paragraphs.