The Sermon On The Hill

(An attempt to understand the newly-revised teachings of Christ}
By Nancy Greggs

Along with millions of Americans, I have been a bit confused by George W. Bush’s own personal brand of Born-Again Christianity, which seems to be at odds with the actual teachings of Jesus Christ.

After searching the New Testament with a fine-toothed comb, I could not find a single reference to anything that resembled, “Thou shalt taketh from the poor and middle-class and giveth to the top one percent,” nor any passage or parable that would seem be in keeping with Brother Bush’s view of Christian behaviour.

It finally occurred to me that when you honestly believe you were appointed by God to lead the nation, you are of course free to take out your Crayolas and re-write the Bible, right along with the Constitution and Bill of Rights.

I have been unable to locate an ‘unclassified’ White House version of the Sermon on the Mount, but have attempted to reconstruct what must be the new, updated interpretation:

Sermon on the Mount
King Bush Version
(Loosely based on an original idea by Christ, J., circa 33 A.D.)

Blessed are the poor … so create as many poor as possible, that they, too, may be blessed.

Blessed are the sick … for they shall cause the pharmaceutical industry to prosper.

Blessed are they that mourn … for their jobs will continue to be outsourced.

Blessed are the Corporations … for they shall inherit the earth, free of Inheritance Taxes.

Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after Righteousness … for they shall hunger and thirst until the end of thy tenure in office.

Blessed are the speech-makers… for they shall maketh excuses for your actions, and cause you to look like less of an idiot.

Blessed are the hungry … for they shall have their Food Stamps cancelled.

Blessed are the wealthy … for they shall see the Kingdom of Tax Exemption.

Blessed are the truth-tellers … for they shall be discredited and ousted from their government jobs.

Blessed are the truth-seekers … for they shall be relegated to the Internet.

Blessed are the spinners and weavers of deceit … for they shall be appointed to cabinet positions.

Blessed are the weak and downtrodden … for they shall work for minimum wage and will asketh not for benefits.

Blessed are the feeble-minded … for they shall be prosecuted to the full extent of the law and executed. (Offer void in some states)

Blessed are the pure in heart … for they see not the evil that the FCC will seek out for them.

Blessed are the peacemakers … heed not their words, but feel free to bless them as often as seems politically expedient.

Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake … for Amnesty International or the Red Cross will eventually find them, no matter where thee shall hide them.

Blessed are the polluters of the earth … for they truly knoweth how to make a buck for their own sake.

Blessed are the meek and timid … for they shall be called Elected Democrats.

Blessed are the ignorant who seek not the truth … for they shall be called thy Constituents.

Neither do men light a candle and put it under a bushel, but
on a candlestick … for thine energy policies hath made the cost of electricity beyond their reach.

Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you and persecute you,
and shall say all manner of evil against you … for their votes shall not be counted anyway.

Think not that I am come to destroy the law … the Patriot Act hath cometh before me.

Whosoever is angry with his brother without cause shall be in danger of the judgment … unless thou can convince the masses that thy brother has weapons of mass destruction.

If any man will sue thee at the law and take away thy
coat, let him have thy cloak also … but giveth him not the Presidency which was rightfully his.

Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not away … especially if he who asketh is a powerful CEO with money to contribute to your party.

When thou prayest, enter into thy closet and shut thy door and pray in secret … unless thou art campaigning and have need of Evangelical votes.

Jesus wept.

flip out over this, if I have your permission to repost to my trolls?

I would be SOOOO disappointed if you DIDN'T!

Spread the Good Word, niyad!!!

any minute now.

seems I have this terrible reputation for being mean to the little xians, poor widdle things, so kind, so compassionate, so caring, so intelligent, so non-judgmental, so non-hypocritical. . . .

... cross your heart and hope to die - you'll let me know what reaction you get! PM me - promise?

I LOVE seeing the reactions of fundies. If you outrage enough of them and listen closely. . . in the distance you can hear their heads exploding, it's like listening to popcorn popping.

Shame on them.

Bookmarked.

:thumbsup:

But these days, one can't take too much credit - given the present state of things, this stuff REALLY just writes itself.

and bomb the shit out of anybody that looks like they're getting close, including the innocents.

Seriously though, hats off for a thoughtful piece of writing there Nance.

As for loving their enemies, it seems they have a problem with LOVING anybody these days ...

Love thy enemy, so make as many enemies as possible in as many pieces as possible.

K&R, bookmarked & forwarded!

Blessed are the gay men and lesbians, for we can use them to distract the sheeple from our plundering.

Great job.
Blessed are the cut's to student loans...for those penniless bastards seeking enlightenment, they shall join the National Guard.
Blessed are the hectoring fascist blowhards of the airwaves...for they shall spit forth they propaganda free of charge.

:(

Of course the one that's most inspired is "Blessed are the meek and timid … for they shall be called Elected Democrats." :rofl:

On a serious note, how any man can live as Bush does and think he knows or understands anything about Jesus is laughable.

Bush can't stand hardnose questions. Can you imagine the verbal ass kicking Jesus would give Bush if he were here today?

Jesus was a radical, by any standard. Jesus' teaching were revolutionary, by any standard. Hell, you'd get arrested today in America if you did the same things, said the same things, he did.

Bush has paraded around under the guise of a Christian for too long now. Facts are facts, and nothing the man does is Christian.

He hates gays, and promotes discrimination of them under the pretext of preserving the "sanctity of marriage." What horse shit - do away with divorce, and that will preserve marriage.

He acts with the best interests of his business friends and cronies, instead of the American people. He doesn't practice the "do unto others" bit, instead he does everything he can to divide and separate people into classes, and unless you happen to fall in the divine, upper crust class, you're worthless scum.

He lies, and we all know that's a sin. Lying is a violation of the Ten Commandments. And Bush does it repeatedly, with no attempts to be truthful.

George Bush is responsible for the war in Iraq. Oops, another big sin. "Thou shalt not kill" - that's a biggie - and he professes to be a Christian. Right.

As a member of The Bush Crime Family™, George Bush ranks right up there with others who have used and abused the American system of government for their own advantage, and to the detriment of the American people. Rampant cronyism, covert deals that fuel family business interests, and no concern whatsoever for any appearance of impropriety or conflict of interest.

In my opinion, allowing George Bush to present himself to the world as a Christian is soiling the Christian beliefs. Do Christians really want the world to believe that they endorse this man and his actions? Do they have a different Bible than the one most of us are familiar with?

The evangelical Christian movement endorsed and promoted Bush, and now that it's blatantly clear George Bush is NOT A CHRISTIAN, it's time that the true Christians announce to the world that they do not approve of his actions. To remain silent is to continue to endorse a very anti-Christian platform, and is an insult to the teachings of The Bible and to all TRUE believers the world over.

It's time, Christians. Be true to your faith. Be honest about your beliefs. Stop endorsing this criminal, who is using you to promote hatred, death, and destruction. The soul you save may be your very own.

It should be posted as its own thread, so that more people can read it!

I'm definitely passing this one on.

:headbang: :yourock: :headbang:


:applause: :applause: :applause:

I think it might make it on the CM.. :loveya: :hi:

If you do, please let us know in advance!

... but I don't know what 'make it on the CM' means.

More info, please?

Keep in mind that I live in Toronto, and we don't get KO here. I think maybe it's a reference to a segment of his show ...