"Family of Six Wiped Out in Late Night House Fire" (A balanced report)

A fire department spokesperson said they all died of carbon monoxide poisoning in advance of the fire growing to the conflagration to which it was destined to become, and likely did not suffer. The State Fire Marshall, on examining the aftermath of the blaze, indicated that a short circuit is the likely cause.

In all, a total of six fire companies and more than one hundred fire fighters responded. One firefighter was slightly injured.

In an effort to present a balanced view of this event, we also interviewed a spokesperson for F.L.A.M.E. (we don't know what it stands for, but it sounds pretty cool), a national think tank funded by, among others, the Match Makers Society, dedicated to promoting a better understanding of the good things that house fires do. The spokesperson, attorney Gazo Lean, said the family likely did not take good care of their circuiit breakers and speculated that their personal failure to clean and polish the circuit breakers in their electical box lead to their demise. He also suggested they may well have not even known where the circuit breaker accused in the matter was actually located. "Had they not even known the circuit breaker, how can they blame anyone but themselves for this turn of events. Personal responisibility is a must, and they didn't show any."