Next on Animal Planet: The FOLEYMANDER!! (Florida's 16th District)

CRIKEY! It's a beaut!!!



The incredible foleymander is the most bizarrely shaped district in Florida. The head of this magnificent beast is located in the east, and is adapted for feeding off the big money coastal Republicans. This is how the creature gets its financial nourishment. The little dangly appendage hanging off the head has evolved so the foleymander can feed off the affluent republican horsey-set types and the rednecks inhabiting western Palm Beach County.

You'll have to look very closely to see the foleymander's spindly little neck...it's just a tiny block-wide strip extending along the mega-wealthy east coast. Yet this delicate neck is strong enough to link the foleymander's head to its humongous sprawling body. The neck connects to a shoulders at Fort Pierce and heads west through cattle country into sparsely populated Okeechobee County. The guts and heart of the beast are found in bible belt called Highlands County -- home of the most extreme evangelical fundamentalist politically active Christians you'll find anywhere. It's lower intestines are in the swamps of Glades and Hendry Counties. (As far as I know these counties are mostly populated by alligators, but the alligators usually vote republican.) Another evolutionary feature of the foleymander is its stubby tail which heads out to Florida's west coast. This enables the clever foleymander to rake even mo' GOP money to feed its clamoring bible belt belly.

Why did the foleymander evolve into this curious form? Because Florida has more registered Democrats than republicans. When the Florida legislature redistricted in 2002 after the 2000 census, a federal court described the boundaries of the 16th and the interlocking 23rd district as an example of gerrymandering and a "raw exercise of majority legislative power."* So through a process of unnatural selection, the foleymander has evolved to ensure the survival of the species--so that a new generation of GOP house seats will be spawned.

CRIKEY!!!!**

Stay tuned to Animal Planet for the exciting season cliffhanger of "Neocon Manor"!

*Martinez v. Bush, 234 F.Supp.2d 1275 (S.D. Fla. 2002)

** Apologies to Steve Irwin fans.

That is one crazy district. It beats what they did to my districts here in NE GA. :(

(BTW, I loved Steve and I think he'd probably be amused at this parody of his show!)

:hi: