I received this email "joke" from my Republican friend. I wrote a better joke and sent it back.

Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southerner? Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

................................................................
Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor!
Or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
What does the law say about this situation?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

...............................................................
Republican's Answer:
BANG!

..............................................................
Southerner's Answer: *
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click.....
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or hollow points?
Son: Can I shoot the next one!
Wife: You Ain't Taking That To The Taxidermist!

My, more accurate test

Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southerner? Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

................................................................
Democrat's Answer:
BANG!

...............................................................

Republican's Answer:
This is clearly Bill Clinton’s fault.
I’ll just sit here, hiding behind this childrens’ book. Maybe he’ll go after the kids intead of me.
Help, Karl !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need a drink.
When I was a kid, there was never any crime. Everybody was HAPPY. What has this country come to?
How can I handle this better than dad would have?
I’m the decider!!!!
Now I have no choice but to send someone else to murder my obnoxious neighbor who has nothing to do with this!
(to family) You’re all grounded! I’ll need to see all your mail and emails, and listen to your phone converstions, from now on. You might in collusion with the terrorist. .
(to family) If you don’t obey me, he’ll kill the rest of you!
I’ll put on my war face! That’ll show him! Grrrrr!


..............................................................
Southerner's Answer:
BANG!
Why waste ammo?

Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southerner? Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

................................................................
Democrat's Answer:
BANG! How dare you try to hurt my children?!? BANG! BANG! BANG!

...............................................................

Republican's Answer:
I've got other priorities.
Isn't there a missle shield around here?
I have exemptions for this!
Isn't there a poor person who can take the stab for me?
*STAB*
(turns to the family) I can protect you better than a Democrat!
*STAB*
Didn't Clinton let this guy go?
*STAB*
(the fanatic, satisfied, runs away)
I will not rest until I find that sumbitch!
(a totally different person enters the street carrying a water bottle)
There's the terrist! He's carrying a gun!
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Major combat operations have ceased! What? Only a flesh wound?
BANG! BANG!
Missed, damn it!
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Missed again - dammit, honey, you will NOT take the kids and cut and run!
BANG! Click... (reloads)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Shut up, son, I know I missed him! Give me more ammo, damn it! What? You won't give it to me because I'm shooting the wrong guy? Why do you hate this family? I bounced a perfectly good check for that ammo!

..............................................................
Southerner's Answer:
BANG!
Son: Between the eyes, Dad! Cool!
Daughter: Eeeew, blood! Gross!
Wife: Don't you go tellin' everyone there was 5 of them!

Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southerner? Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

................................................................
Democrat's Answer:
Draws Glock and BANG!
Terrorist falls to the ground, gravely wounded. Police arrive, bring wounded terrorist to the hospital. He is interrogated, investigated, his organization rolled up by the FBI, and sentenced to a long time in jail. The Democrat and his family go to counseling to deal with the trauma afterwards.

...............................................................
Republican's Answer:
He tries to draw, but keeps fumbling for the Glock while the terrorist kills a child. The terrorist, seeing the Glock being fumbled for, runs into a dollar store. The Republican storms across the street, kicks in the door of the dollar store and procedes to kill the propietor. The terrorist, meanwhile, sneaks out the back door and hides in a gun store.

After looking around the dollar store, the Republican assembles a few equally gung-ho friends and storms a bank, looking for the terrorist while looting the safe, totally ignoring the terrorist screaming from the army-navy store "Hey, I'm over here, you idiots! And I'm still free, and re-arming!"

While looting the bank, the employees and patrons take the guns from the slain guards (because the Republican and his friends failed to secure them) and begin shooting back. The terrorist's friends keep grabbing guns from the gun store and going to help the employees and patrons, while the Republican's friends, smelling money, keep swarming into the gunfight to help themselves. The terrorist, all this time, keeps calling the bank and leaving messages like "Ha ha, can't catch me!"

The outcome of this scenario is in doubt, but many of the Republican's friends are getting tired of sending friends into the fight.



..............................................................
Southerner's Answer:
BANG BANG!
Because anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. :-)

I dunno, *****.... I've posted on that website 300 times over five years, and NEVER has my post made it to the #3 position on the Greatest Threads page (see the right sidebar on the front page). There are over 100,000 registered users of this forum. The site has hundreds, if not thousands of posts per day, and I've never been on the front page before. Obviously, many people thought my version (or your version) were very funny. So, excuse me if I did get a little excited about it. As I'm sure you know, I am a Democrat, and and activist. This is a big part of my life. I shouldn't need to explain to you why that is valid.

Then again, we're all just a bunch of good-for-nothing Democrats who don't know a terrorist when we see one, right? As with your joke, I meant my joke only in jest. You made fun of the Democratic stereotype that we can't act quickly in the face of danger. I, on the other hand, simply made a joke about all Republicans are like George Bush. Obviously, neither are true. That’s part of the joke. Get it?

Anyway, several people are asking what your response is. Do you mind if I post this there?

Adam.