Cleaning Up the Justice System: A Modest Proposal

The Bush Administration is moving in the right direction in their politicizing of the Justice Department; however, they seem to lack the courage to take their reforms all the way. As we all know, the whole legal apparatus of courts, prosecutors, public defenders and the like is very cumbersome and expensive to maintain. I believe it could easily be replaced by a for-profit system that could sustain itself on its own earnings. Briefly, here s how it would work:

Judge candidates would bid openly for their jobs on an annual basis, with the highest bidder getting the job. This would result in pure profit for the government, and the judge candidate who wins the bid will extract financial benefit from the position as he chooses.

Once a judge has the job, he is free to decide any case that comes before him as he sees fit. There is no need for a jury in this system. In civil cases, the judge will take bids from the contesting parties and decide the case in favor of the higher bidder. In criminal cases on the other hand, all crimes will be punishable by death. Defendants will be presumed guilty upon arraignment, and must buy exoneration from the judge at the price the judge agrees to. If there are vindictive victims in the case, they may make a counter-offer to the judge for a conviction. The bidding between the victim and the defendant will continue until a top bid is reached, and the judge will issue his decision of guilt or innocence based on the outcome of the bidding.

We just haven't found out how much the judges paid Rove to
get their jobs.

And how much bidders, er, I mean defendants and plaintiffs have been paying to "win" cases.