I`m really, really torn.

Over four decades. That`s how long I`ve been an active, voting Democrat. Vietnam War. Civil rights movement. Women`s movement. Picket lines. Sit-ins. Peace marches. Iraq War. Protests. All of it. But right now all I want to do is cover my face, sob and hope that a gut full of I-give-a-damns will go away with the same kind of "poof" George Bush used to erase our liberties. It would be so easy to give up right now. So damn easy.

Maybe I`m getting greedy, but I don`t want to win in `08 with the same helmet hairdo, the same expensive suit, the same perfected sound bite. I want to win with new faces, fresh ideas, different approaches, uplifting visions. I want my candidate to hold regular, coast-to-coast, unscripted town hall meetings. I`d like the promise of an efficiency expert to cull out wasteful spending. I`d like a promise that the Pentagon will have to justify and beg for every penny it receives, just like our schools must. I want to hear that poverty will end and there will be no more American children pacing the sidewalks outside homeless shelters. I want us to build things again....like affordable cars and affordable shoes and affordable wind turbines. I`d like to see new railroads and public transit, affordable housing and a commitment to energy conservation. I`d like to see steel workers hold their heads high again and firemen given working radios. I`d like the check-out person at the grocery store to make enough to properly feed her three kids and not have to choose between fuel or medicine. I`d like a gigantic effort toward rehabilitating drug addicts and fixing our foster care system.

I want the occupation of Iraq to come to an end and be replaced by a massive global peace plan. In spite of my PTSD, I don`t want to be fearful anymore. I don`t want us bombing anyone and I certainly don`t want to be called names just because I believe peace is possible. Sometimes that belief in the depths of your soul is worth hanging on to, no matter what, and sometimes speaking the truth is worth more than a thousand first-place finishes in the polls.

Corporate media orchestrate a hellish prize fight each day but that fight must be put in its place by every thinking voter. No, they aren`t going to decide for us. No, they don`t get to pick the frontrunner. No, they don`t tell us what we want. Or what we think. If any of them had any real sense, they`d use it to formulate some great follow-up questions. Instead, they`re nodding over coal mine owners explaining how a (non-exisitng) earthquake caused the mine collapse or nodding over some useless Wall Street drivel that completely ignores the gazillion dollars on our collective credit cards. I`m done with the image stuff. Finished. Give me some substance...something real...or you don`t get my vote. Period. Dean was right. We DO have the power. Problem is, we don`t always use it.

But give up? Never.

When I need to recharge, I admit it to myself then rest. When I feel better, one thing that restores my vigor for the good fight is to see some pictures DUers post of their kids or grand-kids. When I look at the faces of those hopeful youngsters, I remember why we don't just chuck it all and wander off to a cave.

When I see those young faces, I appreciate that Dr. Dean was right. And we have to keep on making his point until we are the army of Vs who took a nation back from the brink. Momentum is the thing. We keep going until we sweep up all the fence-sitters with our passion. Or we sweep them out of our way.

"Maybe I`m getting greedy, but I don`t want to win in `08 with the same helmet hairdo, the same expensive suit, the same perfected sound bite. I want to win with new faces, fresh ideas, different approaches, uplifting visions...

....I`m done with the image stuff. Finished. Give me some substance...something real...or you don`t get my vote. Period. Dean was right. We DO have the power. Problem is, we don`t always use it."