The Stumped Guide to the Candidates and the War

WP: The Stumped Guide to the Candidates and the War

(Q) Dear Stumped,

Can you categorize the candidates' positions on Iraq?

-- Tom Rand

(A) Dear Tom,

Sure. But remember, their categorizations and mine may differ.

Hillary Clinton: Let's not fret too much about how we got here, or whether Bill and I once supported this war. Let's all just focus on my talking points: If George Bush won't, I will end this war. Still, some troops will have to stay over there a long time.

Barack Obama: People, can we just fret for a minute? C'mon, let's fret about the past. I know I was just a state legislator at the time, but darn it, I did oppose this war. And she didn't! Still, some troops will have to stay over there a long time.

John Edwards: I have apologized for my vote to authorize the war. Back then, I was a different person -- a person who believed there was only one America. Now I know there are two Americas, and I belong in the one that opposes the war. There are more votes there. Still, some troops will have to stay over there a long time.

Joseph Biden: Forget about whether there are one or two Americas. What we need are three Iraqs. Split the place up along sectarian lines and call it a day. Have I mentioned that I have been talking to foreign leaders since before any of those front-runners were born? I mean, have I mentioned it recently? And yes, some troops will have to stay over there a long time.

Bill Richardson: Tell me again, why do some troops have to stay over there a long time?

Dennis Kucinich: How can I, the peace candidate who has opposed the war all along, still poll below the margin of error? Is it personal?

Mitt Romney: We have to win over there, though mistakes might have been made. That's where I stand, but you should have a hard time being sure because I can turn on a dime, and have a knack for making you think I agree with you.

John McCain: Of course mistakes were made! I have been saying that all along. We needed a massive surge from the get-go. If we leave Iraq, the bad guys are going to follow us all the way to Phoenix. There is no substitute for victory against the Islamofascists.

Rudolph Giuliani: I am grateful for the Islamofascists. Without them, I'd be doomed, forced to talk about abortion, guns, immigration, my family.... I am also grateful for Ron Paul, who graciously plays the role of gutless Democrat in our debates, allowing me to show my tough, indignant, let-me-finish-wiping-the-rubble-off-my-coat side.

Ron Paul: The only reason we are in Iraq is because of a conspiracy involving the Trilateral Commission, the Federal Reserve, the Council on Foreign Relations and, possibly, the NFL. And of course folks are waging jihad against us; we are occupying their lands. We'd go nuts too.

Mike Huckabee: Where is Iraq, exactly?

Fred Thompson: Didn't we already win this war? I remember a big parade in Washington. There were lots of flags and yummy hot dogs. Are we talking about Iran?

Tom Tancredo: For once, I agree with Senator McCain. We have to stay because if we don't fight the illegal aliens over there, we'll have to fight them here.

http://blog.washingtonpost.com/stumped/2007/12/the_stumped_guide_to_the_candi.html

He still gives the impression that the troops can be pulled out in a matter of 2-3 months. They can't be. Continuing to say that they can is deliberately misleading people, or worse, deliberately ignoring facts.

And as usual Kucinich is entirely ignored on matters of policy substance.

I repeat my opinion that if they weren't running for President, He and Tancredo would be standing on a street corner yelling at people about the New World Order.