Butterfly Ballots give Rudy! Big Win in Florida!

Amazingly,the Butterfly Ballot construction of the Florida Ballots, gave Rudy Giuliani a come-from-behind win in Florida tonight. Sandwiched between Mitt Romney and John McCain (in his dreams! - ed. note), Many people chose Giuliani in error, intending to cast their votes for one of the two front-runners. This of course, is not the first time that this has occurred - the 2000 election between now President George Bush and Albert Gore, Jr. was allegedly determined by Palm Beach retirees who thought they were voting for Gore, but instead, voted for the well-known anti-Zionist, anti-Semitic, and anti-Democratic Pat Buchanan.

Reached at MSNBC, where he is known as the '24 hour man', in honor of his ability to appear on Morning Joe as well as Dan Abrams Show, Buchanan said, "Oy! There they go again!"

Both Romney and McCain, for their parts, were spitting nails:

Romney: "Ridiculous...Rudy's just taking advantage of the death of out Mormon leader yesterday."

McCain: "I didn't sit in the Hanoi Hilton for five years so that that liberal fool from that blue state of New York, could take advantage of the electorate once again."

Former Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris was reached at a corset shop, buying for her twins, exclaimed, "Serves those slimy bastards right for not appreciating me. They forgot that I will not be ignored. When the President left me on the tarmac, I began to plot my revenge. Now, my destiny is complete."

Attempts to contact Theresa Lepore, designer of the Butterfly Ballot, were unsuccessful. It is believed that she is living in isolation in an undisclosed location near the town of Crawford, Texas.