|
I don't know how many of you have seen this, but I just received it in my email box from one of the Kerry Yahoo groups I'm a part of and I thought it was too hilarious not to share.
Though I agree with many of the state arguments, this work is not my own and I take no responsibility for it's accuracy... I will, however, belly-laugh with you over it. :evilgrin:
------
From: Dan Dobson
Sent: Thursday, April 22, 2004 9:21 AM
To: Kerry Groups
Subject: Presidential Resume
Presidential Resume
RESUME
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for
driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled
guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license
suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has
been "lost" and is not available.
MILITARY:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL.
I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions
about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National
Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.
COLLEGE:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average.
I was a cheerleader.
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for US Congress and lost. I began my career in
the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I bought
an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas.
The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my
stock. I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a
sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.
With the help of my father and our right-wing friends
in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I
was elected governor of Texas.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:
I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog ridden city in America. I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money. I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.
With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida,
and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I
became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
I am the first President in US history to enter office
with a criminal record. I invaded and occupied two
countries at a continuing cost of over one billion
dollars per week. I spent the US surplus and
effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury. I shatered
the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S.
history. I set an economic record for most private
bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period. I set the
all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month
period. I set the all-time record for the biggest drop
in the history of the US stock market. In my first
year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their
jobs and that trend continues every month.
I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the
richest of any administration in US history. My
"poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron
oil tanker named after her. I set the record for most
campaign fundraising trips by a U.S. President. I am
the all-time US and world record holder for receiving
the most corporate campaign donations. My largest
lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best
friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest
corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. history,
Enron.
My political party used Enron private jets and
corporate attorneys to assure my success with the US
Supreme Court during my election decision. I have
protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip offs in history. Presided over the biggest energy crisis in US history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.
I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US
history. I changed the US policy to allow convicted
criminals to be awarded government contracts. I
appointed more convicted criminals to administration
than any President in US history.
I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the
largest bureaucracy in the history of the United
States government. I broken more international
treaties than any President in U.S. history. I am the
first President in US history to have the United
Nations remove the US from the Human Rights
Commission.
I withdrew the US from the World Court of Law. I
refused to allow inspectors access to US "prisoners of
war" and "detainees" and thereby have refused to abide
by the Geneva Convention.
I am the first President in history to refuse United
Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US
election). I set the record for fewest number of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.
I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in
any one year period. After taking off the entire
month of August, I presided over the worst security
failure in US history. I garnered the most sympathy
for the US after the World Trade Center attacks and
less than a year later made the US the most hated
country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy
in world history. I have set the all time record for
most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in
public venues (15 million people), shattering the
record for protest against any person in the history
of mankind. I am the first President in US history to
order an unprovoked, preemptive attack and the
military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so
against the will of the United Nations, the majority
of US citizens, and the world community.
I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and
support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops
and their families in war time. In my State of the
Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking
Iraq, then blamed the lies on our British friends. I
am the first President in history to have a majority
of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest
threat to world peace and security. I am supporting
evelopment of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster", a
WMD. I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to
bring Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein to justice.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now
in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for
public view. All records of SEC investigations into
my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are
sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All
records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice
President, attended regarding public energy policy are
sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.
PLEASE SEND THIS TO EVERY VOTER YOU KNOW.
George "Dubya" Bush
|
Printer-friendly format
Email this thread to a friend
Bookmark this thread
(189 posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
