As Grandpa Turns: McCain's Presidential Soap Opera

If only they could get ABC or Fox to condense it into 20 hours of prime time mush, this disaster of a presidential campaign could be even more of a guilty pleasure than "Lost."

Start with a mediocre pilot who barely graduated from the Naval Academy and retired after eventually realizing that - despite being well connected - he was never going to make Admiral.

Give him "hero" points for survivng 5+ years as a POW.

Deduct deduct points for crashing two or three planes while in the Navy, dumping the wife who waited for him to return from Vietnam and being an arrogant potty-mouth.

Restore those points because the media continually ignores those faults.

Take away a few more points for his advanced age, health history, devotion to "W" and inability to form a coherent English sentence.

Deduct a few more for his choice of a token female as his running mate.

Add back a few for the handful of freepers who will vote for any woman and hadn't already sided with McCain.

Take 'em back again when it's revealed that his VP choice fired state employees for political reasons and has a pregnant 17-year-old daughter.

If it got any better, it would be the "Gong Show."