BREAKING: McCain threatens to expel campaign "if it doesn't straighten up after suspension."

For Immediate Release
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John McCain this afternoon publicly threatened to expel his campaign "if it doesn't straighten up" after its recent suspension. Citing a long history of his campaign's blunders, pranks, and even criminal behavior, the Arizona Senator seemed at his wits' end.

"I just can't get through to this campaign anymore," McCain said. "It's in one ear and out the other."

During the Republican primary season, McCain's campaign had seemed to turn the corner on a past that McCain rued as one filled with chronic underachievement. But then just this past Summer, at the height of its new-found popularity, the campaign suddenly seemed not to have learned its lesson when it released a puff ad linking Democratic nominee Barack Obama to celebrity Paris Hilton, leaving the door open for the famous star of B-rate self-porn to issue a clever viral video rebuff. From there the campaign embarked on a downward spiral, in part, McCain says, due to the influence of its new friends from the Rove Gang. Suddenly hooked on malicious, baseless, farcical claims and unable to tell the truth, the campaign found itself ostracized by mainstream America.

McCain had finally seen enough just two days ago when he suspended the campaign after early video surfaced of its prank positioning of Sarah Palin in a Katie Couric interview. Meant to be a "wake-up call," the Arizona senator's disciplinary action against his campaign took many by surprise--but not the beltway pundits.

"We've seen this coming," one cable news pundit said on condition of anonymity. "A lot of us had thought for some time that all the bad behavior from his campaign--the ads, the connections to lobbyists, all the lies--that it was all just really a cry for help."

When asked if McCain's threat to expel the campaign if it didn't improve its behavior might help, the same pundit expressed doubt. "Campaigns will be campaigns," he said, adding, "and there's just not much John McCain can do about it. It really just comes down to who these campaigns are hanging out with. Who the influences are. And John McCain's campaign has fallen in with some bad apples."

nt

Edited to say: Nicely done. lol

:thumbsup:

that this will go down on its PERMANENT RECORD!

If you wrote this, you've gotta submit it to major publications - Center for American Progress, Latham at Harper's, New Yorker's "Heard on the Street", etc.

:evilgrin: