My father the Racist

My father, a democrat his entire life - a uber Clinton supporter is totally 100% against Obama.

He has been a racists all his life, he is my father and I love him. This man is a different kind of racist - he must push his hate upon the people around him. He is very sick (heart problems) so I let alot slide, but my sister and mother just take his spewing hate and dont really get into it with him. Today he was pointing at the screen on CNN and with my 5 y/o neice was sitting next to him on the couch, teaching her to say N*GGER.

I lost it.

I picked her up and we had the argument of the century and I ended it with me telling him Im going to vote for Obama (early here in TX)

When I returned my things were on the porch and he was there to tell me Im no longer his son.

Im at the motel 6 connected to dialup - dont know what Im gonna do but very sad and angry right now

that sux

:hug:

Of course we all love our family, not sure what I can say to this other than it's great you are sticking to your guns and will not condone that behavior. Take care of yourself, you have lots of friends here.

I'm sorry your dad has to be that way but I'm glad you stood up for what you think is right.

Good luck, deadlyaj.

I'm sorry that this happened, but you did the right thing by standing up for what you thought was right and for getting involved when he was trying to poison the innocent mind of your niece.

(HUG)

and can get into some regular housing shortly.

power in Arkansas. It is the reason Bill got into politics. I guess it is a step forward he likes the Clintons.

impending election of a black man. He's suffering from many things and you are the latest punching bag.

Suck it up and stand by your beliefs. Let this be your personal awakening to the real world.

Sending positive vibes.....

Stay strong, my brother. Yours was the righteous move. You will be rewarded.

pretty animated fights about Obama. I think certain people who are
of the older generation just cant get past the possibility of a person of color becoming President.

Sorry to hear it resulted in being kicked out. Maybe he will listen to some
feminine advice from either Mom or Sis.

Just know that you are doing the right thing by at least attempting to show him
the error of his ways.

Hope things work out - it's a shame how the Repub's tactics have split families apart.
Damn them!!!

hate long enough to realize he doesn't want to lose you. Wow...hate is a powerful thing. I wish you the best.

I lost my best friend of twenty-five years over this election.
My heart is with you.

...hang in there, and remember one thing is certain: This, too, shall pass.

Things will change. No telling how it will all resolve, but it will. You were right to stand up for what's right and against hateful speech, especially teaching it to a 5-year-old. I don't know your relationship with your father, but family stuff is always deeper, because we always know how to push each other's buttons.

Hopefully your mom and sister know you were right too and can talk some sense into your dad. And hopefully he will learn to respect the people around him more. Sometimes while things like this can be very painful, in the long run he may respect you more. Assuming you care about that -- I'm just shooting in the dark, trying to make you feel better, I know right now it must be awfully emotional.

Life is change, it is always best to know what things you personally will not compromise. Sounds like you ran right up against one of those things today. Good on ya.

Those of us in interracial relationships can attest.

Nobody should have to be subjected to hate like that - shame it was your dad, but principals are principals.

I wish we could think of a way to get Hilary to call him personally and set him straight.

So sad that people can think they are Democrats and behave like that.

I don't see what else you could have done. I hope it works out.

--IMM

If you were in Ct. I'd have a room for you, no questions asked! I pray he sees the error of his ways, and softens his heart. The hate and rage is probably what's contributing to is heart problems. Can't you ask his Dr. to give him some "chill pills"??? Hugs and best wishes....DC

You shouldn't have to live this way, just because your father has extremist views. :(

father is, but I wondered if it is possible that he is having some sort of dementia or mental health problem.

The thing with your niece seems quite extreme.

when his son 100% right. You stood up for what was right and I hope your father will see that he was dead wrong. I'll keep you in my prayers and I hope you will be able to find another place to live. BTW your father is a poor excuse for a Dem. He should be ashamed of himself for teaching his grand daughter that hateful word.

if it makes you feel any better - you have a lot of company. Of course, as far as my mother goes, it was all over and forgotten by the next day. Hopefully, it's the same way with your father.

:cry:

You did the right thing - remember that.

his own ignorance and fear. You may or may not be able to do anything about that. Eat. Exercise. Talk to some friends. Try to keep your own life moving forward

(2) Don't cut off any other relationships that you don't need to cut off: presumably you have some relationship with your mother and sister, for example, that you prefer not to lose, even if you are disappointed that they don't stand up in ways that you think they should. Lots of people dislike conflict so much, that they'll do anything to avoid it: that's not courageous of them, but sometimes one must take people as they are, not as they ought to be. They may not be useful allies in a conflict with your father, but they may still be important to you

(3) Once you've gotten yourself straight -- whatever that means (a stable place to live? some psychological balance?) -- you may want to try to figure out what you can patch up with your father. I don't know how much you can patch anything, but of course he is your father, regardless of his failings, and maintaining some relationship is probably still important to you. Before Nixon scooped many Southern Democrats into the Republican party, a large number of Southern Democrats were a very conservative wing of the party, and many were racists who voted Democratic because they were still angry with Republicans for nominating Lincoln. Your father sounds like he may be a traditional Southern Democrat in that mould. (3a) One thing about that group was that they were (verbally) very religious Christians. After the horrors of WWII, and especially since the civil rights movement, essentially all mainstream Christian groups have denounced racism as incompatible with Christianity. I have know idea whether you consider yourself Christian or not (many at DU seem not to be) -- but if your father has a history of calling himself religious, and is associated with a definite denomination (such as the Baptists), it's very likely that in the Dallas area today you can find at least one church of your father's preferred denomination which includes a mix of ethnic groups: if you can find such a church, and can in good conscience attend, you may be able after several weeks or months to be able to recruit the pastor to call your father to arrange for some counseling sessions aimed at reconciliation. Of course, if you really dislike that approach, then you shouldn't try that. (3b) Otherwise, you might try to find some other way to maintain some contact with your father, such as inviting the family to dinner from time to time

(4) Whatever route you go, I say this: losing it with people has almost never worked for me. When people spout crap, I generally get the best results by calmly disagreeing -- though of course, perhaps viciousness doesn't always deserve courtesy in response

Your father is literally and figuratively heart sick. You set a good example for your niece. She needs to know how people react to that word, that it is a bad word and shouldn't be used, ever.

The mother in me is concerned.

I don't know what to say except that you did the right thing and you can move on. I hope your heart can heal from this.

You did the right thing. Remember that time heals all wounds. Your father will calm down in time and hopefully your family will intercede on your behalf and talk to your father. He is clearly being irrational and likely will regret at least some of what he has done. He is your father and you are right to accept and love him despite his faults. Try and forgive him and hope he can do the same. I wish you peace.

could he have some mental health issues along with his physical health issues? It seems extreme to put his racist beliefs before his son. All you can do is let him know you love him.

let him know that you intend to vote Obama in a nice way ...

I ve had fights with my parents ... you only end up feeling miserable about it ..

other ways. We all are. It's called being alive. It's the way it is.

Hatred of your fathers racism is understandable and almost natural and a visceral gut reaction. I understand that. But here is the thing.

It's not like we get to choose our parents, nor do they get to choose you.

I was raised by a racist father and some of that wore off on me. I spent years of life reprogramming my thoughts and attitudes.

My father came to visit me every year for several years, but he always brought his ignorance about race with him. The last time he was here, he was looking at my daughter's year book counting the blacks she went to school with. I had a reaction similar to yours. I told him that he was one sick fuck and a straight up racist. He has not visited me since then.

He has mellowed out since then. He knows now not to abuse me with that ignorance because I will not stand for it. But every once in a while, that old daemon will come back. But I have changed since then. I just talk to him and smile inside myself and say to myself

LORD, FORGIVE MY FATHER FOR HE IS IGNORANT, AND LORD, WHILE YOU AT IT, FORGIVE ME FOR ALL MY IGNORANCE.

I don't know if this will help, but having an attitude like this will promote love, forgiveness, unity, and eventually a better world.

The answer is always love, but it can be so damn hard to do.

I think you did the right thing though. I also would've been LIVID to walk in on that situation. Disgusting.

Hang in there bro ... and stick to your convictions. You are on the right side of the issue here and if anything, your dad now has to look at himself in the mirror knowing he's not half the man his son is.

When your child is an adult, you'll have a great story to tell and you'll have proven to make him or her a better person for the actions that you took.

God bless and keep the faith.

Let's try to help each other out when we can ....

Frankly, I would take your stuff and walk right back in.

While you get on your feet.

I hope you are as diligent when such ignorance is spewed from everyday song
and video lyrics too. There is a whole lot of ignorance and hate out there.

I hope he comes to his senses and realizes his son is more important then politics. I am so sorry...

Maybe there is something we can do.

You did what you felt you had to do. You defended your niece. Now you're suffering for it.

You are a true patriot.

-Laelth

Hopefully, your Dad will calm down (maybe with the help of your family?) after the election.

Hang in there.

What a horrible thing... I hope he wakes up tomorrow and realizes what he has done. I'm sure when the story reaches your mom, something will shift.

I will light a candle for you.

B

Man, if you need to blow of steam, you write me.

Let's hope your father calms down and asks you to come back. It's too bad you're not in Houston, maybe I'd take you in. :)

But, you did the right thing in standing up and saying something. I just wish your brother/sister would do the same. If I caught anyone talking to my six year old using those terms I'd come unglued.

to deal with the consequences of your father's behavior. Best wishes to you and yours. And there is something wrong with teaching a 5 yr old that.

not as drastic as you, though. A few years ago, I told my father (after he used THAT word for the third time) that he couldn't use that term again in my house. After many long years of him telling me how it would be under his roof, I had the unpleasant sensation of turning it around on him.

He doesn't come by very often now, but that's OK with me.

I don't know if time will heal this wound or not. But you were right to call him out on this. When this type of thing is ignored, it festers and gets worse. It never would get any better, as much as we might want it to.

Hang in there.