My 6 yr-old is for McCain bec Obama is too "dark brown"

This is what he brought home from school in southern MD.

WTF??? I want to yell at someone, but he probably got it from some other kid in the school. Friggin ridiculous!!!!!

And, in my experience, many of them are extremely stupid. Even for rednecks.

(on edit... the good news is, you have a great teaching opportunity.)

We never talked politics!!!!

He was adamant about it as of a few days ago. If I keep trying to change his mind, that may make it even worse.

you might want to nip that in the bud if you want him to grow up sharing your progressive and democratic and DECENT values....there are too many horror stories on DU about folks with close-minded and racist relatives...

I grew up in a very white area, in the French countryside.

We were all caucasians, even if some of us were from different European countries, we never had any non-caucasians in our school (K-5 as they are over there).

Until one day a little Vietnamese girl arrived, who I later learned was among these thousands of refugees nicknamed at the time "Boat People". France and the US agreed each to welcome a share of these refugees, for obvious reasons.

For one hour at recess we gave this young girl hell, calling her all sorts of names. That's because we did not know better. We were not racist towards this little girl because it was in our culture, but because it is in the human nature to be racist.

When recess was over, we got a earful from our teachers, who probably taught us one of our most important lessons. And that was the end of it.

Culture can either encourage or discourage natural negative behaviors.

Your job as a parent is of course to dispense the proper cultural advice.

Racism is not a part of human nature, it is cultural. Prejudice may be a part of human nature, but prejudice is not racism. I can be prejudice against the color orange and not buy any clothing that color because I just don't like it. But for me to stand and scream bad names at an orange shirt would not be considered natural or normal. For me, the same goes for you and your classmates calling this other child names.

I also grew up in an all white area, and I never as a child or an adult felt the need to call anyone of another ethnic group a foul name. Why would I not do so is because I was taught to not to so, but more importantly I was taught to have empathy for others. I would not do to someone else what I would not want done to meself. Also, I was taught that I was not better than anyone else, and my skin color certainly did not make me better. If I had been at your school, I would have been holding that little girls hand and being her friend.

There is a lot of racism in the place I grew up, but it is because there is a culture of racism there. It is handed down from parent to child, and it is taught. There is nothing natural about one human being mistreating another. If it was natural we would all be at war with one another and there would be not one person who could accept others that were not like themselves. Sorry, but you were being racist as a child and you learned it somewhere.

I came to this conclusion when I read Freud's analysis of what he calls fear of the Unheimlich, fear of the uncanny, of what is strange, unseen before. I wrote an essay linking racism to the Unheimlich and actually made a good point and got a very good grade from a professor who was teaching Freud against his own will.

Fear often gives way to a strong reaction, a defensive offense, which is quite common right now among the RW wingnuts.

Ok, Freud is old and is sometimes in need of an update, but what he says remains true in my mind.

My schoolmates and I reacted strongly against what we had never seen before, which was an Asian person. That was back in the 70s and the French Asian community was tiny.

My mother suffered from xenophobia as a child, being a refugee in a country at war with the very country she was a refugee from. No matter what she did or said, she was a dirty German, even if her parents fled from Germany for being anti-Hitlerian activists. My grand father even disappeared, only to reappear in 1948 with a story worthy of a Henry Fielding novel.

I therefore received a non-racist, non-xenophobic education from my parents and my teachers, and that is why today I am non-racist.

My best friend grew up in a racist home, and he until today remains racist, even if he tries hard not to be, he still has problems with people of different ethnicities.

Yet we were both equally calling this poor little Vietnamese girl bad names and mocking her for the way she looked. We were having the same exact natural reaction to something uncanny, but since then our cultural environment has in one case managed to dampen these feeling, and the other case only managed to worse them.

Now, we may agree to disagree, but I thought I had to explain my point.

Note that I did not major in psychology, that was one of my electives.

First off Freud has been debunked to oblivion and I thank Karl Popper for doing that. As for your situation, you're home upbringing does not have anything to do with your environmental and social upbringing as seen with the OP's son. This is the real situation. So you may have had the same reaction as your racist friend because of other factors that are beyond the home life. It has nothing to do with the difference of the person.

As a matter of fact, the sense of fear by a person meeting another person they have never seen the like of before is actually one of curiosity than fear. Curiousity for who that being is who has similar features but yet not the same in color or facial appearance or language and so on. So even though the fear element is there it's miniscule to the the curiousity of the person.

This is why racism is social construction and actually has nothing and I mean ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with something in bred inside the person. What is in bred is instinct and some of are fear and curiousity and wonder for adventure (related to curiousity).

I think that we have a natural tendency to be aggressive and cruel, and at the same time adventurous and curious.

These are two components of the human mind that are very instinctive.

Have you ever been attacked for what you are by schoolmates? Usually the younger the children, the more aggressive and cruel.

Fat kids, red-haired kids, kids with a lisp, kids with a handicap, kids with a different color of skins all have suffered and been bullied at one point or another by other kids, and I have been both the bullied and the bully.

With time, you learn to restrain yourself and to control your negative feelings. Or not... Some people are stupid as can be and can't accept other people's difference, which explains proposition 8 (here it's 102), and their opposition to Obama, and also explains Ashley Todd.

I suppose that she comes from a racist background. I would absolutely not be surprised.

Sarah Palin is a closet racist, it's a well-known fact. One look at her dad and it's obvious the man comes from that old southern supremacist society.

My wife is from South-side Chicago, she grew in a white town (Oak Lawn) but got to meet people of different backgrounds and Chicago has a tendency of seeing people mix together acroos race lines. I spent a few months there as an exchange student (that's when I met my future wife), and I remember spending time with black and white kids. I also remember that the black kids were a lot more curious about me being a foreigner than the white kids (which shows that the blacks in America are a lot less racist and xenophobic than the rest).

My wife is therefore non-racist, like me, and we are teaching our children this way, as we invite people of different origins and backgrounds to our house. They've never said anything racist.

Kids at the age you are talking about have been very much influenced by culture.

The vietnamese kid story is very much about CULTURAL reaction to somebody different. You are romanticizing it into some natural human reaction, but that's just not accurate.

I assure you most children dont "naturally" react with hatred to somebody different. You're just wrong about younger kids being more aggressive and cruel. They can simply be more AFRAID.

That's not to say we dont have a dark side.

But all the things you are talking about are culturally determined... not "natural."

Kids may be very scared by new things, but they are also curious.

My major was sociology, but I took quite a bit of psychology also. One class was on child development and there was no section in it on the natural growth of racism in children.

Truthfully, as a non-psychologist after reading your story I would say that your reaction to the Vietnamese child was more of someone feeling like an outsider wanting to fit in than one of true racism. Affected by both your mother's being afraid of foreigners, her history of having people prejudice against her and your grandfather's story, it is no surprise that you joined in with your classmates. Your reaction to a child of difference was not born-in-natural but a result of the unnatural feelings your mother had toward foreigners and your own fear of being different from your classmates. It might have been natural for you to react like this in your circumstances, but your circumstances were not natural. Even if your mother taught you not to be xenophobic, you were of course influenced by hers. That is what I learned in my psychology classes and my masters social psychology class.

I disagree with Freud on many things.

Here is a guy who tried cocaine and said it was cool and gave it to try to his patients, with the spectacular effects you can imagine.

He also wrote the darndest thing on the woman's mind and some of it is downright offensive.

BUT on the case of the uncanny, I think he is spot on and I have yet to read a critic. Moreover, modern psychologists and psychiatrists have embraced the theory.

For all the stupid things that Edison did (like stealing other people's work) and thought (like DC would be better to transport electricity than AC), he did a few good things that have had a very positive impact of our world.

I think we have a natural tendency to villainy and fighting it is harder than encouraging it.

The right-wingers of today have more of a destructive than constructive mindset than the left-wingers of today, and that is because they have a weaker culture. Destroying requires less effort than building.

This worked up until today, because people have learned what type of evil they represent.

This is a cultural war, and we are now winning it, but we can't be over-confident and we need to keep fighting.

I posted in fear but felt too strongly on the subject to sit by quietly. :hi:

made the observation that within certain religions, people of different ethnic backgrounds get along very well. I contribute this to the overall philosophy and teachings.

My conclusion is that there is some nature to it, but very little. Nurture plays a much larger role. As a perfect example, take a look at racial attitudes in the southeast (Overwhelmingly Republican) as compared to that of the Northwest. Very different indeed. Reason, the culture in one area of the country is very different than that of another area of the country (Nurture).

There is also the problem that people often confuse prejudice and racism.

Prejudice is pretty natural, and that is to dislike certain things. You can be prejudice against non-human items as well as other humans. It is to dislike something without reason or rhyme: You are just prejudice against it. And if it is a group of people, you may chose not to live around them or to associate with them, but you don't say or do anything to them, or try to hurt them.

Racism is when you actively act out against those you are prejudice against. It can be with words, hiring practices and other hurtful/harmful actions. You also need power to carry out racism. Racism is not a natural attribute.

I understand what AzNick is trying to say but he's treating school-age children as some type of culture-free agents of pure nature.

That's just not reality.

By age 4-6, kids can have picked up a LOT of very subtle racist stuff even from television without any overt bigots in their life. They are very impressionable. When confronted with something totally different, children may naturally experience fear, confusion and curiosity but "natural racism" is just a myth.

Natural FEAR of somebody who is different what you are talking about.

But fear of somebody different in this sense isn't precisely the same as racism. Racism is very much tied into the cultural set of ideas and values that set the response to that fear.

When that vietnamese girl arrived at school, im afraid you already had PLENTY of cultural biases among your peers. YOu didnt call her random names. The natural fear of somebody different wasn't expressed in a vacuum.

That was racism.

I'm sorry

I really am...

I know how I felt when my daughter came home from school with messages that hurt her... that put poison in her mind...

makes me want to go knock some heads together, eh?

I felt sick because he never heard anything like that before he went to school; not from his parents, not from his grandparents, not from his friends, not from his babysitter. It's inevitable that kids will hear those attitudes eventually, but it's so sad when their sweetness and lack of prejudice is stained by other people's ignorance.

I promptly bought some little "Little Bill" books by Bill Cosby that showed kids of all colors playing together; I don't know whether they helped specifically, but he has a very diverse set of friends now. (It was kind of hard--at least at the time--to find affordable kids' books that had a multicultural and multiracial set of friends, which is why I mention "Little Bill" specifically in case it might save you some time.)

Kids are going to hear all kinds of crap at school, and because little ones just haven't learned yet that some people are wrong or stupid, they'll bring those things home and try them out on you. It'll be okay, I'm sure. In fact, your response to what he said is almost certainly going to go back to school with him, and maybe he'll try to set the other kid straight.

and few Asians. After we moved to a new town and she met a black girl they are best of friends and she wants Obama to win b/c his daughter looks just like her friend.

I like how you handled it with the Little Bill books.

Kids start out being very superficial, but he/she will learn. It would be really tragic if your child was already an adult...

:eyes:

:rofl: i pity those who think this isnt bad parenting.

As the parents of Black Children, I was forced to have the talk much earlier than I would have preferred. My oldest was only 5 years old...and I had to explain the history as to why the Little White girl had wiped her hand and said, "Yuk, Black" after holding my daughter's in dance class.

It is each and everyone of our responsibility to teach our children about what is good and what is not....and to do it ASAP, depending on the topic and the occasion.

of waiting until it is comfortable to teach their children about racism. My daughter at five came home from kindergarten upset because she had just been called the "N" word on the school bus by an older child. I had to explain how some children were ignorant and not been taught right from wrong by their parents and how some people didn't like those who looked different than themselves. I was lucky that year, she had a great teacher and principle who went to great lengths to make a difference in how my daughter was treated by the other students. Her and my son were not so lucky in the rest of their time in school.

At six years old, the white child is old enough to be taught the way it is in the world and why you should not be prejudice based on skin color. I am sixty-two years old, and was raised in an all white county except for the few with European and American Indian heritages. My mother was one of them but was considered white. She sit me down at a very young age and taught me about racism. She admitted that she was a little prejudice herself(she was ashamed of it) but did not want her children to be. She taught me that I was never to call anyone a negative name because of their ethnic group or who they were. She had a tan complexion and she had grown up very poor, she knew what it felt like to be looked down on. I think she would be very sad today to see how some of her children became so prejudice after her death. You see, my father was not as open minded as she was and the woman he married was very very awful.

Raise your child better

How can a parent of first-grader control what comes home from school?

Think before you post.

Clearly the child didn't get this from the parents.

esp in such a young child. Who is the child exposed to? What do the parents talk about? Who are his classmates? All of these are way bigger factors in a 6yos life than stupid stuff one or two classmates might say.

People convicting her/him without all the facts is disgusting. The OP clearly wants to make things right.

My house is Obamaville. My son is black and he goes to a school that's 70% white. Almost all his teachers are white. And we live in a heavily GOP rural area. He is trying to fit in.

That's your answer.

that sheds a somewhat different light on the story

how poisonous

not teaching your son not to be a racist with his own culture. see what happens when posters know NOTHING about you, have limited info and JUDGE a poster.

wow

hm

again, i have said in other posts, this is parenting

i am a calif living in very racist, very republican macho male panhandle of texas and my biggest concern having children in this area is them being conditioned. and then two boys i was really concerned along with the sexism here.

over 13 yrs i have really come to believe, it is all in the parenting. i use the fundamentalist christians (kids went to a private christian school and what opportunity and lessons for all of us) and the macho man and the racist as lessons and discussion points. it is a positive in our lives and my childrens learning and growth. opposite of what i thought. i also told them i want them out of here for college so they can see the other world i know exists.

i am perfectly confident this parent will now deal with issue. what parents do.... ALL thru the kids growing up years.

Kids at that age repeat whatever they hear from pretty much any source. At that age most kids don't even know what race and racism even is. If someone told me when I was 6 that I should support McCain because he tastes like vanilla ice cream or I should vote for Obama because he tastes like chocolate ice cream, I would probably believe them.

Bad parenting would be not explaining to the child why that is wrong which clearly the OP is doing.

(more than 25 years ago) to more recently with my niece and nephew. They don't even get the race part, they just describe each other as "brown" and "peach".

It takes a lot of forethought to make sure that the average white American child is sufficiently exposed to diversity to embrace it.

For starters, there is nothing tackier than running around trying to find black people to befriend in order to be politically correct. About the best you can do is hunt down books and TV shows that constantly display diversity (I thought Sesame Street did that. Is it gone, now?)

We live in a country where putting food on the table is becoming a challenge. A parent who ends up having to fix a problem instead of anticipating it is not necessarily a bad parent.

Keep in mind how many parents have to correct kids who come home saying 4 letter words. What are you supposed to do? Tell the kids all the words they can't say before they've heard them at school? I don't think so.

Some things are best tackled after a kid comes home with it.

She has a little song that fits your statement perfectly.....YOU ARE AN IDIOT DA DA DA DA DA DA DA....DA DA DA DA DA

It's human nature to reject things that look different from you early on.

I think it came partially from my support of Hillary (and she wasn't aware I supported Obama now), partially from her Republican bigot redneck neighbor/friend and perhaps from other bigotry in her 99% white school. She got an entire day of me and my dad ranking on the foolishness of Republicans and I think she learned from that :). She had a discussion in class and told me only about 25% supported McCain. She mentioned a couple of kids names and I told her I could have predicted those kids would be Republicans due to their "troll" parents. We're cool now :D

Or at least there were "too many of them".
His family had just returned from San Francisco where they'd stayed near Chinatown.
"They got squinchy eyes."

We had a talk and I think he's not put off by 'squinchy eyes' anymore.
:shrug:

I lived in Colorado. We had a very diverse neighborhood, considering. 3 white families, 2 hispanic, one AA and one Asian, counting only those contributing children. We were all friends. But the Asian girls were twins, and a grade ahead. And damn were they better at everything anyone could do. It was most irritating.

My dad pointed out that I loved my Korean Cousins. And he made it clear that if he ever heard me talk bad about someone based on race, I was in for some serious unpleasantness.

time.

I let her know, with no if's, but's, or maybe's that was not going to be tolorated in my house or around me. She turned out to be quit a Dem.

He talks about how is mother drilled into him being kind to others and if he was ever insensitive to someone she made sure he knew how she felt about that. I think he said she would ask him to put himself in their shoes.

I remember that part because that's exactly how my parents were too.

because my dad is a wacky Pub, always has been.

on other kids. That type of response, especially from a 6yo, comes from more than just one or two comments from other children.

who has said some pretty awful things about Obama. I told them not to sit near him and not to go anywhere near him. They are a little older than your little guy, though. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. :( :hug:

FAIL

I actually know people who don't raise racists.

Deal

deal.

but good of you to pin her son as a racist at 6 and write him off.

shit starts at home

and brought it to mom in that manner for different reasons but absolutely to hear what mom had to say about it. why he gave it to her.

as i said in another post. i had always talked to son about this shit and so much more. he brought it home at 4. no reason. wasnt in my house. he heard it in friggin mom day out. that is even before school age. i swear he did it to challenge me since he had heard from me so often on this issue and knew it was important to me. to see what would happen if he said it. so i showed him. it was not in our house. it was something he was resolving within and absolutely gave to me so i could help him figure it out.

anything. They pick it up at school, tv, and everywhere else. They are like sponges and it is a parents responsibility to correct that.

Kids say the damndest things. It's called life. That is the way it is. Your judgement was not informed, because you don't even know these people, and it was too quick.

I know 6 year olds. Hell, I know 3 year olds. Some are brought up racist and some are not.

Deal.

I've been through a ton here. I'm not going to pussy-foot around anymore. You won't like me but you will need me someday.

Again.

Deal.

In GD-P you're just a shallow dick.

I was god damned furious that people teach their kids to say such things. It was obvious she heard this from schoolmates.

I would not let him eat any chocolates because they are too "brown"...until he got the message of course! :)

He was an older kid, a real moron. He named/called one of his dogs ni**er. My Dad came home and saw us playing together and asked how things were going, I eagerly told him the names of the two dogs. I got a hell of a talking to that afternoon. A lesson I learned well and still remember to this day.

And if so, how old their children are, and whether they go to school.

As I wrote above, my son said something like that one day, even though he had never heard one single racist word spoken in all the previous 5 1/2 years of his life. Gentle corrective measures were taken, he absorbed them, and he now has many African-American and Hispanic-American friends. (There aren't many Asian-Americans at his school.) There are other white kids in his group of friends and I'm thrilled by how not-a-big-deal the color of everyone's skin is to all of them.

My daughter, on the other hand, has never said anything about the color of anybody's skin. (Her best friend is Muslim, by the way.) It's not because I was a better parent to her than I was to my son, it was just dumb luck that she either never heard anything objectionable from any other kid or that it rolled right off her.

Bad parenting can make racists, but the best parenting in the world can't completely insulate children from the ugly things that other kids say. Good parenting does involve helping the child separate the wheat from the chaff, and it sounds like the OP is going to do exactly that.

Good luck to OP, glad his/her child told them that and now they can discuss racism and peer pressure.

more concerned about their lack of understanding than the op who will undoubtedly take care of the issue.

It should be actively taught, not passively. You shouldn't think because you never say anything one way or the other about racism that the kid will just find the right way on their own.

From the time my daughters could talk, Ive actively reinforced the idea that they already had that they shouldn't judge people by race, religion, sexual orientation (as soon as it was appropriate).

My parents drilled being accepting of other cultures and being nice to others into us over and over and over, yet my brother still called everyone he didn't like a "fag" and made racial jokes because his friends made them. Parents only have so much control. My brother turned out awesome once he was grown and doesn't have a racist bone in his body but as a kid he was very prejudice because his friends were.

But I agree that the parents need to teach kids early on these kinds of things.

however parroting a concept such as he is too brown, shows that no one took the time to explain race to this kid. or expose him to other races or the achievement of other races.

parroting a word without knowing what it means is very different from this.

there is no way my baby brother would just parrot that. its because brown people can do all sorts of things. as can white and black people.

Some 6 year olds may be able to fully understand race and racism but I certainly could not at that age. And my parents did explain race to me, and I got a serious lecture when I first heard the word "n**er" in the school yard. But at that point I was 10 or 11 and old enough to understand these concepts.

especially given that obama is running for president. i can think of a million opportunities to bring it up, if one cared

But again, it's not something that all 6 year olds can comprehend.

My niece is 11,goes to a very diverse school,has very diverse friends.Her and her best friend(who is hispanic) were over my house this summer and wanted the last 2 chocolate chip cookies,one was bigger so my niece said the dreaded eenie meenie minie moe with the "N" word. Her friend and I both looked at her stunned that she said it,she looked equally stunned by our expressions.Her friend said"that's a bad word",long story short,my niece had no idea the word even pertained to a human,she thought it was a word for a "fairy"! She heard one of her other friends at school use it and never assumed it meant anything bad,and she's eleven!!We can't control everything our kids are exposed to,we don't always assume they've been exposed to the worst. The best a parent can do is catch it early and explain how heartbreaking it is to have to live with such hatred from people we may even like.Last year my sister had to explain why "that's gay" is offensive to her, life is a lesson,no one is born knowing words can have vicious meaning.

People have different colors. We all look different in a lot of ways. We appreciate the variety and then look at what's inside. I think there are children's books about MLK Jr. that have portions of the Dream speech.

In a short time, by the way, six year olds will say of someone "he's dark brown like President Obama" and it'll be a little easier to explain.

Your kid should have corrected the other kid. Not parroted the bigotry. At 6 years old he should know better.

So I would really question your logic that the six year old should know better. If it were my kid I would use this opportunity to try and teach my kid a lesson in tolerance now that they have some frame of reference that they can understand.

I grew up in Columbia, Maryland which was designed to be extremely diverse. My cul-de-sac consisted of caucasians, asians and african americans (me). None of us had any idea as to what "race" was. We thought we were all the same and just figured kids came out looking differently for no apparent reason, just the luck of the draw. We certainly didn't attribute any value to the differences. We grew up like a family and even referred to one another as such in school. Our parents and society had to explain the whole race thing to us. I truly believe that racism/prejudice is a result of environmental conditioning. It is not innate by any means.

I believe Maryland is one of the best states in the country. I wouldn't have wanted to grow up anywhere else, honest. It saddens me to hear about this situation, however, I agree with the others in that it is imperative to nip this in the bud now. I applaud you (OP) for your concern and realizing this is a red flag. The first thing to do, IMHO, is to apply the golden rule to the situation. Question your child about how he would feel should someone evaluate his worth on such superficial standards. Ask him if he thought it would be fair. And if it still doesn't sink in, yes, threatening to punish him until the end of time if he doesn't shape up wouldn't be out of the question, lol. I'm just kidding!

Good Luck fellow Marylander!

Clearly the child didn't connect Obama's brown skin with his own or with something positive. That needs to change ASAP.

Regards

Children are very inclusive until parents or others teach them otherwise. I remember asking one of my sons the name of the "black girl with the yellow dress" at a birthday party he attended at 4-years-old. He got thoughtful and said, "There weren't any black kids Mom, we were all brown." In his eyes, black, Hispanic and white kids were all brown. (Which we actually all are.)

...the parroting is a whole other thing. Teaching them not to cave to peer pressure early will pay-off big time in the future.

:rofl:

at school

As a four or five year old, I had not been a racist: in fact, I completely flummoxed a Sunday school teacher (who was attempting to discuss racism), by suggesting that we could completely eliminate race if everyone would just marry someone of a different color (which I knew would produce blended shades) -- a solution slightly beyond her comfort zone, I think

When I spouted racist nonsense at the beginning of first grade, my parents immediately had a little conversation with me. It was a real and pleasant conversation, not a lecture: they inquired into my views and expected me to defend those views coherently (which of course I could not do). By the end of that ONE conversation, I understood clearly that they considered certain views and certain words unacceptable. Seuss's Sneetches was subsequently added to my little library -- it was a fun book, and we discussed the general moral issues in it (how we don't like being judged unfairly) without really putting me on the spot for the racist episode. I admired my parents and wanted to be like them, so I naturally adopted their point of view -- and shortly afterwards I had playdates with new friends with skin colors different from mine

Of course, being sensitive to other people is a matter for life-long practice. But gross racism does not come naturally to people: it is taught -- and can easily be nipped in the bud

I don't get the significance of airing this detail of your life.

which has to do with the right giving garbage to their children, that feeds to other children, a hate from a religion. is that any different than this point?

i dont think it has anything to do with either of your points.

but your child should have been taught enough about other races not to say that..or think it.

completely different issues.

brought shit home and i had talked about all this stuff and so much more with my children forever. i was never squeamish or anything else. we have people all over the spectrum in both family and friends. and at 4 i think he was testing waters and seeing where it would lead. with him i thought it was more him challenging me. so i handled it accordingly.

but there is so much in this shit, and those ages so young... the issue so complex

i dont buy into 6 is racist. or that parent lacks. if the parent ignored this, that would be another story.

we addressed it with love, not beating the kid (i am pissed at some posters attitude) and we continue to discuss racism along with other social issue including sexism and down right hate of females, to this day. outside world influences. and parents and the example they set way outweighs any influence from the outside world

it is normal.... parent. it is an opportunity for lesson and growth. and it doesnt end here.

The last thing I want to do is tell him what to think. So I gently presented some alternatives for him to think about.

The easy one was to explain that he himself looks a whole lot like Obama. (Except my son is cuter, but I digress...) So I asked him if Obama is bad, what does that say about you? Are you bad?

And then I just shut up and let him talk.

he even had the concept of sex and development of embryo to fetus.... not "baby" ect. he was appauled. outraged. same the first time i defined homosexuality.

again with altenatives, differing view and concept and left it to him. readdressing the issue he was able to figure out the accepting and nonjudging perspective. but i like that style of parenting. it allows them a continued ability for critical thinking, coming to it on their own and being part of their foundation.

they then have a grasp beyond hte parroting of parent and when they are my oldest son age, 13... can perfectly argue their point on sexism, racism, abortion, homosexuality cause they figured it out themselves with the parents help giivng them the full picture.

We had him with our family (me, wife, son) in our van out to eat yesterday. Our nephew said he's for McSame because he's white. Got an instant rebuke from my wife (ehe). Now my son is for Obama - why? "he's handsome" was the response.

but, I've been teaching her that McCain is selfish and only wants to help himself and his friends.

which is true.

I find that asking kids "how would you feel if you someone told you that you couldn't _______ because of the color of your skin/hair/eyes?" works well.

namely the fact that your son is black in an almost all white area. That's a whole 'nother ball of wax....you are not dealing with a prejudiced son, but one who is not feeling completely comfortable in his skin when he compares himself to his friends.

I went through the same thing with my daughter when we moved her out of a multicultural school where she fit right in, to a school closer to home where there are only about 7% blacks. One day she even told me that she wished she were white. Broke my heart. But with a lot of work she is a vibrant, out-going 7 year old who loves her brown skin.

I was a little frustrated when I started typing and forgot to keep in mind that not everyone knows my situation. My bad.

i know it's the boob tube, but it's the most powerful medium there is.

maybe watching more shows with black or asian heroes.

how about this video game for young kids about positive black role models:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYBy37lAkrc

and smells of urine.

figuratively. I'd scold any child of mine who said anything like that. (In a reasonable liberal way like we all do. "What is wrong with someone whose skin is dark brown?" etc. etc. etc until lesson learned!)

Forgot to add that. We are living in a 70% white rural area that went heavy for Bush, Reagan, etc. They still lvoe GW Bush down here as far a I know.

Yeah, if your family is black or bi-racial, then that is slightly different. Still recommend the golden rule interrogation and I think now is the time to introduce your child to the struggles of African Americans in this country. I would make sure he knew that he would have been deprived the rights he has now before that time period. JMHO.

I've lived in lots of states, but I'll never go back to an area with a majority like that ~ it's so hard on the spirit! (And I'm white.)

A lot of things have changed, and far too many things have stayed the same.

Shocking and heartbreaking.

But, I doubt my future kids would think that way.

but guess what? They are INDIVIDUALS...not replicants!! They actually have the ability of independent thought!!

Astonishing, I know.

they are suppose to be adults at 2 yrs old. kids are not allowed to learn and grow like all the rest of us did. kids today are suppose to be all done at the youngest of age.

something else my kids and i talk about

oh and another

on this board so many anti kids, and kids are out of control, and kids know NOTHING today. i share this with my boys. my oldest so paranoid of actually being in someones way at the grocery store cause then he will be labeled one of "those" kids, that he could barely make it down the isle getting out of everyones way. then he realized adults where so much less considerate than any kid he was seeing.

just 6. he has a long way to go.

Now proceed to tell me how it's not your fault.

I can hardly wait to hear what he's like at 12.

Cause I love how all the experts on child rearing are the people who usually don't have kids in the first place.

Kids pick up stuff all over the place. And they even come up with thoughts on their own. Also, kids just SAY stuff. Lots of stuff. Ideas are running through their little brains all the time. Whether something sticks or not depends on how you react to it. I would imagine that if the OP handled the matter offhandedly and didn't make a big deal out of it and just said, "Well, how brown a person is doesn't really have anything to do with what kind of person they are. A dark brown person can be just as good a President as a light brown person or even a white person." Then the kid would say, "Ok" and that would be that. If you don't want race to be a big deal, don't make it a big deal. It is natural for kids to eventually notice differences between themselves and their friends. Some kids come to it faster than others. I guess it is probably also natural for kids to lean toward the color that their parents are. Kids think their parents are gods. It might make sense that a white kid with white parents who he thinks are the greatest things since sliced bread might think Obama is too dark brown to be a good President. Since his Dad would be the PERFECT President and he is white, it might make sense to a six year old brain that Obama is too dark. Or it could be ten other things that made him say that. Again, I don't think the comment is a big deal other than it allows the parent to start a dialogue.

EDIT: Your tolerance for people raising little bigots would be commendable, if people raising little bigots were commendable.

respect your views. Not on this, though. I can't tell whether you are being hardnosed for effect or if you genuinely believe that a child even COULD be bigoted at six.

Seems to me that it might even have something to do with the start of sexual maturity. I live in South Carolina and have a real bird's eye view on racism, so to speak. I see kids playing evenly in mixed race groups up until about 7th-8th grade. At that point, they start to separate. I am not sure if when their kids get to a certain age some parents might start warning them not to get 'too close' to kids of other races. Or if it's that by then, if they are raised in a racist home, that the message finally sinks in. But it seems to me that if kids are going to be racist of their own accord, they start around 13-14.

EDIT: Clarified subject.

Plz wipe the egg off your face.

In any event, a six year old child (first grade) cannot be a bigot. My son still thinks Thomas the Tank engine is real. Please get some perspective.

I don't fault the other kids either. They brought that stuff from home and they have no idea what it really means.

that young African American kids are affected negatively by the media which shows very few positive images of blacks (on real shows and cartoons). I think the most famous example is the doll study. The phase of preferring the white doll or person usually passes although it's more tricky if the child is growing up in an all white school (extra attention will be required in this case).

The child is in no way a bigot--just immersed in negative stereotypes and confused about how to process the information.

Oh and I think I speak for many of the mothers on this board when I say I wish you all the best with parenthood.

Lmao...

I don't have kids. I do have two godchildren. I play a huge role in their lives. I raised my god daughter until she was 4. Both of them are top students in their class and most liked. Children are like sponges. They soak up everything. I believe a child's self esteem is built by their loved ones. If you constantly show them positive reinforcement. There could never be any self hate at that young age.

I grew up in Northern Italy. The only black child in the neighborhood. I never felt that I was different. I never felt that I had to compare myself to white kids. At times I thought I was better than them. Everyone in town was always happy to see me. Telling me how much bella I was.... shit my childhood was the best time in my life. Even when I go back to visit the old Italian ladies can't seem to get enough of me.


I will be excellent mother in the future.

should they not live up to your excellent expectations.

My point about the 'sweet and naive' thing is that YOUR child, yes, even YOUR child might come home and say something exactly like what the kid in the OP said. Yes, they might. No, you can't be sure. Kids say and do all kinds of unexpected things. Actually, they mostly say and do unexpected things. That kid coming home and saying that Obama is too dark brown to be a good President might not have any genuinely race based reasoning behind it. It might be as simple as he thinks his parents are perfect and would be great Presidents. His parents are much lighter skinned than Obama. In a six year old brain that might translate into "Obama is too dark skinned to be a good President." Kids make all kinds of weird connections. The thing isn't to make a big deal out of them or to make the kid feel like he has had a BAD thought. You correct them without fanfare and move on. This kid isn't racist. He is SIX, for chrissakes.

If that's the scariest thing you ever heard. Then I feel sorry for you. What's wrong being a excellent mother?

The reason why most teens and children are so fucked up these days is because lack of excellent mothers and fathers.

In life you should AIM FOR THE BEST! Why would I bring children into this world and not give them good parenting?

You are fucking hilarious.



EDIT: I just find it funny how you went back to rewrite your whole post. :popcorn:

Go and god bless. I sincerely hope you are as fabulous as you think you are.

For your kid's sake.

Thanks and come again!

:)


EDIT: Don't worry about my future kids. Worry about your own.

In a good way, kind of. It is a LONG series of conversations if you want to do it right, that's for sure. And no end of challenges. I really like your approach and thinking--very humane and understanding.

I have most definitely learned that criticizing other parents (at least, those guilty of human mistakes rather than outright neglect) gets you an guaranteed ticket to "Um... my mistake" eventually. Those who make it through, both unscarred and unscarring, are just plain lucky as much as anything else. Parenthood is a hell of a tough job.

I don't like the attitude OP is receiving here. Kids are impressionable, unfortunately, and things like this happen. OP is doing the right thing by asking for suggestions.

Skin color only plays a part in dismantling racism. Learning about history and culture is rather important in this fashion as well. People "will profess not to see another color" (colorblind racism) and still miss the racial inequality in society as well as the subtle racism that happens because of privilege and entitlement. That's where history and culture attached to certain skin colors play a part, warts and all.

Racism is much more complex than just simply the issue of skin color.

We still laugh about that today. My son is 25 now.

Kids say crazy things. Use this as an opportunity to teach your son about tolerance. :)

When my son was four, I was pregnant with my second. I had a friend who had just given birth to her mixed race daughter about three months before my daughter was born. I was really excited for my son to get to see and be around a newborn before my own daughter was born. The first day my friend brought her baby over, we all sat on the sofa together and looked at the baby. I told my son, "See, we are going to have a baby just like this soon!" He got a tiny little frown between his eyebrows and said to me very seriously, "Mama, will it be so brown? I don't really want a brown sister." He did not go to day care and to my knowledge, my husband and I have never been racist. We have always had an equal mix of both black and white friends.

Conversely, when he was about six, he was playing with the neighbors kids who were black and came home in tears. Apparently, they had told some black 'in' joke and when Nick laughed along with them, they made fun of him because he was NOT black. He came home in tears and told me, "Mama, I am not BLACK! I want to be BLACK!"

A few years later, the mixed race daughter of my friend and my own daughter (who is blond haired, blue eyed and fair skinned like her father) would dress up alike and have me do their hair alike. Then they would tell everyone that they were twins. I honestly don't think they realized that there was any difference between them.

These experiences have left me wondering what sort of 'natural' racial identity children have separate from social input of if some kids are more 'racially aware' than others, if that makes sense.

as a n****r. She was talking to me, relating a story, and that word popped out of her mouth in reference to one of her classmates. My sister was about 7 at the time. I sat her down, and talked to her about it, about what that word meant, and why it was a bad word to use.

She had no idea, of course; she was parroting another classmate who had used the word. I got through to her though, and she's never used that word again.

I think just sitting your son down and talking to him can be one of the best things to do. He just needs more information; I'll bet he doesn't really understand what he was saying. You have a great teaching moment to offer him.

Glad you have a place (here) you can vent. I'm sure this experience has spawned some interesting discussions between you and your son.

If it makes you feel any better, I heard from a horrified parent of a 6-year-old who referred to Obama as a "big loser." Obviously, more stuff picked up from school by children of dumbass rednecks.

picked up at his school. Considering how the adults speak at these McCain/Palin rallies, it is not surprising. I can't imagine what those children hear at home. What I do find disturbing are the posts, presumably written by adults, who attempt to blame you for the ignorance that is spread by others. I don't envy you the task of trying to guide your child through his formative years in this warped society, but I think the more this crap is exposed the better chance we have to cure the disease.

Parents are the main influence on a child's development for a shorter time than most people think. Most of that takes place until the age of five or so. Then a child is exposed to a far greater diversity of people than at any other point in his life, and his or her parents influence is lessened accordingly.

Peers quickly become the dominant influence on children past that point, though the exact age varies depending on how sheltered the child is etc. The shit that happens and that kids hear on the playground has a profound impact on development. Most especially when the child doesn't voice to his parents what he or she has heard and allow for illumination and correction by the parent.

To blame this on the parents is absurd. I would say that the reactions of the people in the family involved were quite normal and healthy. The kid heard some bs from someone he wanted to be accepted by for whatever reason and fell for it. He bounced it off his parents, meaning he trusted them enough to share his new idea, and hopefully he will learn the lessons they teach him. As solid as this family seems to be, I have no doubt that will be the case.

No need for alarm or name calling here imo.

endlessly. one is working on 14. i was talking to his principal this fall about all the things he talks to me about. how he goes on and on, ..... i mean endlessly. lol. she says, wow.... you are so lucky that he talks to you at all, but all this stuff.

i am. i am glad kids continually talk to me about their feeling, perceptions, what they hear, andn what is contradictive to how they view life. it allows me to continually stay connected with them and know where they are at and how they are walking life.

they give me this stuff cause they know i will listen to them, hear them out, see how they come to these ideas and be open in talking, and always respectful.... even when i dont agree.

-they give me this stuff cause they know i will listen to them, hear them out, see how they come to these ideas and be open in talking, and always respectful.... even when i don't agree.-

My children have been raised the same way. They have come to me with stuff they have heard that appalled me. But the fact that they sought out my opinion on it before forming their own final opinion brings my children and I alot of satisfaction and joy.

Some of the best and deepest conversations we have ever had began over incidents like the one described, though as a Native American with several disabled folks in my family my children saw both as normal from birth. They were more perturbed by what they had seen.

Now my children, with my instruction early on, seek out the friendship of the children most others are making fun of. That was me when I was a kid, so I took care to make sure to instill empathy and an open mind when it comes to people who are 'different.'

I an glad you have such a wonderful relationship with your children. In my opinion, there is no other relationship as powerful or quite like it.

teacher because she was "too black." Believe me, it's nothing I taught him.

And I'm not sure anyone else taught him this. She was just the darkest person he'd ever met, and it took some getting used to.

Of course I talked to him about it, and told him it was wrong not to like someone for their color, etc.

Today he's eleven and probably the most color-blind person I know -- seems like his whole generation is the same way. He comes home from school talking about people of all different backgrounds and their race just never comes up.

Just talk to your kid about it -- he's too young to get the whole thing yet. :hi:

Fact is, racism is a very natural instinct that most are born with to some degree. It takes socialization and education to overcome it, which most of us get at a very young age. At 6, it is more than likely that he came up with that all on his own and still doesn't understand the concepts of racism or why it's wrong. Fact is, at that age they are most comfortable with what they are familiar with, and many are intimidated by those who are significantly different than they are.

So all it takes is a good heart to heart talk with him as to why skin color makes no difference, and then every so often reminders. He'll be fine and there's no reason for you to be angry or blame others. It is likely a natural reaction on his part that will be very easily overcome by some good chats.

It is an opportunity to start an important dialogue.

Just say, "Dark brown people make just as good Presidents as light brown and white people." and don't make it a huge deal.

You state: "Fact is, racism is a very natural instinct that most are born with to some degree."

No such facts exist.

if you handle it the wrong way. I think that even overreacting to correct something like what the kid in the OP said could alert a kid to the fact that something is 'up' when it comes to people of different colors.

Maybe not racism as it relates to hate, bigotry etc, but as it relates to young children being uncomfortable with that which is less familiar, or thinking their own skin tone preferable over one that is different, is totally natural but easily overcome with simple understanding and conversation.

It happens amazingly often, when white children in white communities who otherwise don't have much exposure to darker skinned people, upon seeing one will remark how their different and possibly even say something rude. Often, children of the same skin color will gravitate towards each other yet if a different skin colored child walked into their playgroup, when they normally haven't ever seen one, it would be perfectly normal and frequent in which the different skin toned child may not be immediately accepted or treated with the same sincerity as the other children. This wouldn't occur as infants, but more at the age where some understanding of observation is present, but no real logical deduction skills have yet formed. Say from 4-6 years old.

With a good conversation about how all people are equal, the situation usually will not progress. But at the age of say 4 years, especially in children in which contact with those of other skin color is infrequent, it is quite common and natural for them to have an adverse reaction to someone being that different in appearance to them. It isn't racism as it relates to hate, but racism in the sense that based on appearance or skin color, the child is more comfortable with their own. The hatred that can go from that is then generally taught or inherited from those around them. But the initial observation and adverse reaction to those that are different is a very human nature type characteristic but if in the right environment, is easily wiped away without it ever transforming into any real form of bigotry.

The insensitivity and stupidity of some on this thread is disturbing... especially since the OP author revealed such a personal issue with such honesty. I have a 6 year-old, and her response to her environment is not always that deep... this would seem like an opportunity to teach this child about the value of a person, independent of what they look like.

Good grief, man, don't you ever stop?

The color of strong wood and fine leather. The color of the earth.

Erkels, and Mr Ts of a couple of decades ago.

But soon kids all over the USA will have anew Black role model--in the White House of all places.

Sorry you have to hear that, after taking the opportunity to post thoughtfully about something that is obviously important to all of us.

My questions are these:

What did your son say when you asked, "Why do you feel that way?", "What do other kids at school think?" and "What does Mr/Mrs (insert teacher name here) think?"

We are products of our environment. Your son obviously didn't hear this within his family. That leaves the playground or the classroom. If it was the playground, treat it as a teachable moment. Don't try to tell him what to think, but give him some history of what we have been through as a nation of many cultures and ethnicities. If it was the classroom, raise some hell. Any teacher doing this to a student deserves to be disciplined or fired.

Calm down. This is only one of many that will come up in life as a parent, and you'll do fine.

Hekate

I do appreciate it

Sometimes happily amazed, and sometimes aghast at what they've picked up. Sometimes they only pick up head lice, which is bad enough but can fixed with some Rid-X. Sometimes it's words, and you say "We don't talk like that here." Sometimes it's ideas, and you realize that conversations about your values are an ongoing and lifelong part of parenting.

I grew up in a very multi-ethnic place, and although there was lots of intermarriage and harmony there were undercurrents even there, because the people are human beings and not perfect. The thing was, my Mom kept talking about it, because she had values she wanted to be sure we got as well. When we moved back to a largely white community about the time I went to college, she kept talking to the younger kids -- she was really big on the Brotherhood of Man thing, the Golden Rule precepts, and so on. She didn't wrap it up in God or Christianity, but she sure did make us understand what was the right way to treat others, including that thing about ethnic slurs and pre-judging others without knowing anything about them.

I tried to do the same with my kids, who are now 32 and 30. Although their teens are not something I want to revisit, they are fine adults who do reflect what their stepdad and I tried to teach them when they were young.

I'm glad you feel encouraged. Parenting is tough, but you'll do fine. :hug:

Hekate

he was badgering me about breakfast. I told him that everything he needed was within his reach and asked if I looked like a mommy slave to him.
His response? "Well you ARE the only brown person in the house!" I laughed so hard my sides hurt! The kid, has to this day, a VERY sharp sense of humour. As funny as I found his quip, I DID NOT repeat it, knowing most would NOT get it and would likely jump into my shit about defining his concepts of race.

That said, I cannot think of a worse place to discuss such a sensitive issue than here on DU. Some are waking up (see Xultar's rant from the days after Obama's nomination) but most cannot fathom the depths of the dynamics involved. I integrated the elementary school I attended in MD 50 years ago and did not see another face like mine in a classroom until I was a junior in high school. PM me if you want to talk.

I will.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7618041

i thought it interesting after reading expectations of a 6 yr old on this thread.

A good parent recognizes when something is wrong. Glad your on our side.

At that age, he will remember it for the rest of his life. And it will completely change his perception of "brown" people. And, obviously, himself and the possibilities that are open to him in the future.

I will always be deeply grateful to my father for bringing me to see Dr. King when I was his age. I count this as the most powerful formative experience in my childhood.

If you're in Southern Maryland, maybe there's a way to get over to a rally in VA some time before election day.

I'm thinking your son is experiencing that kind of talk at school. It most likely is coming from other kids, probably repeating what they've heard.

Have you had a conversation with him about why he feels that way? Sometimes it takes asking outright if he's heard someone else say it. IMO, it doesn't seem like something he came up with all on his own.

that isn't an okay way to think. I'm guessing you likely gave a similar message to your son. I remember being six. It was actually a very confusing time for me, and I needed my family and guardians to straighten out reality for me. The world is a crazy place for a kid that young, and it's likely they'll come up with some crazy and stupid ideas. It's when they present these ideas that theyre thinking is molded by you. I'm sure your a great parent, but I'm sure you also might be able to remember how tough it can be to grow up and think and so on...

and all the folks lecturing you an your parenting don't know what the fuck they're talking about. It sounds like your son is being exposed to some unfortunate commentary.... perhaps he is developing some bias about his own idenitiy. The good news is he's only 6!!!

My advice is to listen listen listen to what he has to say about these thoughts (are these really his own, are other kids saying things, etc.) and show him the world of wonderful and powerful and influential AAs... get him some age-appropriate books, etc. I am sure your child will be quite receptive and will grow out of his thinking. :)

We're talking about a 6 year old kid here. I think a few people must have missed that because I can't imagine talking about a 6 year old as some did.

If I were to give you some insight, I'd say that this sounds like a self-esteem issue. Your child is black in a mainly white community, correct? So he is trying to fit in with his age group, who are all white. I would think a normal reaction would be to reject differences, even his own. So, I don't think a simple "talk" or cultural books are going to be enough, although it would be a good start. I'd be looking toward sports if I were you. And perhaps you can find a team where he can participate which is more multicultural than your community.

It is a tough problem. Don't be discouraged by some of the negative comments here. To some people, other people's difficult problems all have a simple 'light switch' solution.

...from folks who don't know you or your kid.

What have you decided to do about the problem?

is a normal part of the development of children - a vital one. But too many parents take that natural need to know me and mine from strangers and teach fear of the other (racism) instead. Racism has to begin very early for it to be so unconsciously accepted and it begins with our separation into clique type hierarchies. I tried to teach my children but was always up against the outside world and its casual acceptance of racial/cultural demonizing.
I hope you find the right words to tell your son that skin color is only skin deep and underneath the skin we are all the same anatomically. :headbang:

Last spring, late in the primary season. We hadn't talked politics much, but he heard me tell someone I wasn't voting for Obama in the primary season, and he listened to kids at school talking.

He told me that he didn't think Obama should be president because he "wasn't like us."

We currently live in a rural, white area. I took several deep breaths to avoid an outburst, and pulled out the photo album to remind him of all of the friends we still write to who don't look anything like "us," and I pointed to the pictures in my office of my two black god daughters, and reminded him that they were my "family" just like he is.

It's normal for kids to be influenced by what they hear. He asked me why, then, did I not want Obama to be president, and I told him. It's the ideas, baby, not the man, not what he looks like, or where he comes from. Thankfully, he "got" it.

He has since asked me if, since I don't like Obama, I would vote for that "other guy." I told him that I would not vote for the "other guy" because his ideas and plans were much worse than Obama's. I gave him examples. He nodded understanding, and we went on with our day.

All without ever mentioning political parties. He will grow up, like his grandmother, great grandmother, father, and uncle, to vote issues rather than party. He's 8 years old. He hears politics through a completely different lens than his friends. He hears political conversations frequently, but they rarely mention party, candidate, or election. It's all about ISSUES.

We've already voted. While the results won't come in for another 9 days, the election is over for us, so it's no longer a topic of conversation at the family table.

I still don't like Obama's postions on issues, but when he is elected, we will, as a family, celebrate the election of a person of color to the highest office in the nation, and he'll "get" that, too.

It is like your 6 year old is a repository of everyone's best hopes/worst fears. They are pouring all kinds of stuff into the mix when what your child said only reflects his/her circumstances.


You sound like you live in Charles County. I grew up in Anne Arundel County before it became as diverse as it is now. I would bring the things people said in elementary school home to my mother to decipher.


My mother took it to a complete pro-black place when she heard what those poor white children had to say to her baby.


I learned how to accept being black by the time I was in middle school. Those of us who had started out with diverse friends became more and more segregated. I don't know if that trend continues now as it did then.


My advice to you is walk through these racial fits and starts with your child without interjecting your racial opinions on him/her. He/she will come to the right conclusion whether you give them a pro-black, multicultural, or a anti-black perspective.


I firmly disagree with the beating/spanking line of advice given here. Instead I would say when you are black and grow up in a majority white setting, your child might come away thinking they are bad because they are different and could not talk to you about it. Your only concern is that you have a happy, well-adjusted child. The fact that he/she might live in a place that thinks Obama is too dark is just par for the course. Don't make your issues (whether they are 'we are the world' or 'these too dark folks are right') become your child's issues. Your child is going to grow up in a much different world than any of us do. Your job is to give him/her the tools to make the most of that world because none of us can predict which way the world will turn.

state because he "didn't want his daughters brought up in that environment"

as much as i want to move out, what i have found is a wonderful treat in that we are so different than those around us and my children have learned to be that difference in comfort of who they are. it has been a kick ass wonderful lesson to them along with struggle of being so different, but still, does make for a stronger character. it has taught them to speak out and disagree but always they must maintain a civility and be informed to intellectually and emotionally and spiritually when the argument.

i was concerned outside would influence them. instead i have found that within the family unit way exceeds any outside influence.

i still want to move out.

now, while the subject is fresh in his mind.

Explain how some people are fearful of others
who are different from themselves and that
fear turns into racism.

Right now is the time to let him know
that is NOT OK.

You are the number one person who can
help him deal with the racism he encounters
from others.

:)

Sometimes kids reject things that look different from them.

That in my not so humble opinion is the most important bit of the problem.

Regards

Just have a discussion when their observations get a bit insensitive.

As someone who was in a similar situation for just a few years during elementary school, please try to put your child in a more multicultural learning environment, if possible. I know if I had stayed in that environment longer, I would have seriously been f*cked up today. You'd be surprised at what those teachers are instilling into your child behind closed doors.

parents that I preferred Bush over Dukakis because "Dukakis' name reminds me of poop." Seriously. I honestly remember the look of sheer horror in their face that their daughter would say something like that. I think they took this worse than when I proudly dropped the f-bomb for the first time (that one was also at the dinner table). Luckily, I learned very quickly that it ain't the name, it's the person behind it.

Give him time - he'll come around. It may take a bit of explaining, but it'll happen.

and babies of all color and the love he has for them.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=132&topic_id=7616651&mesg_id=7623020

with both kerry and obama i have brought my boys to threads so they can sit in the beauty of the pictures and see what kind of men they are. kids can see the love that an adult gives. it is clear in pictures. will give you son more than words alone.