Dear Gov Sanford

I would like to take this opportunity to tell you how impressed I am by your ambition, drive, and desire for advancement, but also by your ability to acknowledge your limitations. In the past, I have often observed politicians test the waters for a presidential (top spot) bid several years prior to announcing their candidacy. However, I do not ever recall seeing someone test the waters for a Vice Presidential (not top spot) bid this early into an election cycle.

Governor Sanford, kudos to you.

Unfortunately, I am forced to give you mixed reviews on the 'undisclosed location' portion of the 2012 GOP Vice-Presidential exam. Please note the following for improvement in your future endeavors:

- First and foremost it is necessary to tell your staff that you have moved to an 'undisclosed location' for 'national (or in this case, state) security reasons' - and will remain 'incommunicado' for an 'unspecified period of time'. (While they may seem overused, these key phrases are critical in the successful implementation of an U.L.T.)

- Next, have a designated staffer inform your electorate you have gone to an 'undisclosed location'.

- Discourage your spouse from making public comments regarding the necessity of your removal to an 'undisclosed location'.

- In future, do not implement U.L.T. drills on holidays, anniversary's or important family dates (birthdays, etc.).

Also Gov Sanford, might I suggest that you watch tapes of Former Vice President Cheney's U.L.T.'s. During his tenure in office Mr. Cheney performed some of the most successful examples of this technique I have ever observed. No one, not even his harshest critiques ever denigrated Mr. Cheney's Undisclosed Location Technique. They did, however, comment on the frequency with which they occurred. Which means, given enough practice you too can conquer the complexity of a successful U.L.T. And, I must say, I'm impressed with the foresight you have shown with your early start.

One positive factor you have going for you at this time is it is early in the game, and no other contenders for the 2012 GOP VP candidacy have entered the political ring. Which means that, to date, you are winning - in spite of the U.L.T. discrepancies listed here. Congratulations, Gov. Sanford, by 2011, you should have this technique down so well, we'll know you only by your absence.


Good Luck, God Bless, and don't get lost.




edit: noun/verb agreement.

Don't let the fact that Mr. Cheney had unerring success with his U.L.T. from the first instance deter you. Keep in mind, the US Secret Service organized and managed VP Cheney's Undisclosed Location retreats. While you, in the 'pull yourself up by your bootstraps' tradition of the GOP have dismissed any taxpayer subsidized assistance - Yes, Sir, we are aware of your SLED evasion.

Bless your heart, Governor, your Do It Yourself attitude in this instance is a real inspiration for your voting public.