Truly the True Birther True Story of Baby Obama's Birth

Barrack Hussein Obama was born in a jet propelled hot air balloon sometime between January 1959 and October 1964. It is possible that he was born in August of 1961. Obama's mother was his younger half-sister and his father was Sun Yat-sen. The attending physician was from Papua New Guinea. The identity of the physician has caused leading republicans to ask the question: "Which Doctor?" This has caused the republican party some embarrassment as a result of their doctrinal hatred of, and institutional bias against, homophones.

As for the location of baby Obama's birth, the baby's head emerged from the mother's birth canal while the hot air balloon was in Hawaiian airspace. The balloon then traveled to Indonesian airspace where the baby's torso emerged and from there the balloon went to Kenyan airspace where the baby's legs and feet were delivered. Once the birth of baby Obama was complete, the balloon headed toward Canada. The umbilical cord was cut in international airspace. This bears repeating: the umbilical cord was cut in international airspace. Under both state and federal law as it existed at the time, this means that Obama was not Constitutionally eligible to become editor of the Harvard Law Review.

Upon arrival in Canada, the one day old baby Obama spent somewhere from 37 minutes to 42 minutes being indoctrinated into Socialism. There are no records or any evidence whatsoever indicating that baby Obama received any Socialist health care while in Canada, which can mean only one thing. Baby Obama must have received Socialist health care while in Canada and he vowed then and there that someday he would bring Socialist health care to some other unnamed country. And that is two things. The significance of this is both obvious and ominous. Also two things.

The hot air balloon then headed to a secret location in Washington state, in another country which shall remain unnamed for security reasons. where baby Obama went directly to the world famous Luigi's Forged Birth Certificates and BBQ Bazaar. There baby Obama purchased three forged Hawaiian birth certificates (one each for himself, his mother and his father) in all the short form, long form, vault copy, balance beam copy, colby, cheddar, and all other variations which have been fully, though not clearly, described on the internets. Probably because the tubes are clogged. He got the Anti-Christ volume discount of course since his umbilical cord was cut in international airspace. He also purchased 139 different Social Security numbers for future use. He did not get the gross Lou Dobbs volume discount on this purchase since that requires a purchase of at least 144 Social Security numbers. While at the Bazaar, baby Obama also had the ribs with a side of slaw (children's portion and price).

The hot air balloon now began its triumphant return to Hawaii. Upon arrival in Honolulu, baby Obama got jobs at two different newspapers operating the printing presses and handling birth announcements. The printing press jobs were union, so this obviously is when Obama became a communist. He often would come home from work covered in black printer's ink. This likely is the basis for republicans referring to Obama as a "little, black man-child."

Shortly thereafter, he began teething. While no definitive conclusions can be drawn from this fact, it is highly suspicious. Also, too, sometime either before or after his birth, Obama began hanging around with terriers, and also too, the media lies about a certain someone and her family too because not all the daughters have been knocked up yet. As Obama grew older he attended the finest schools in the world, including Hogwarts, which may explain why republicans call him the "Magic Negro."

The rest of the United States of America and the world call him Mr. President.

This is very fine prose indeed.

You should send this to Rachel Maddow, who also attended the finest schools in the world (although not Hogwarts). She would appreciate your talent.

You're not suppose to let the secret out!


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


Most Excellent post!

Ok, that was a bit much

Well done , sir! :rofl:

President Obama met Doctor Who. The Time Lord had a few beers with him and one night asked him what he could do for him. Obama said he'd like to be President of the US, but didn't have the right birth certificate. The Doctor said, "no problem, mate," and promptly used the TARDIS to go back in time and arrange for all the proper elements of Obama's birth to come in place in Hawaii. Problem solved.

Threads, well, there are always dangling threads in a Doctor Who story. The Time Lord is good, but sometimes gets rushed.

and btw, great story. If only the birthers were that logical to actually construct a narrative. They don't have a narrative, they have a few assertions, some anger and a howl of despair. Sad really.

:rofl:

I have a spell checker
It came with my PC
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot see

Eye ran this poem threw it
Your sure real glad two no
Its very polished in its own weigh
My chequer tolled me sew

A cheek or is a blessing
It freeze yew lodes of thyme
It helps me right awl stiles two reed
And aides me when aye rime

Now spilling does not phase me
It does knot bring a tier
My pay purrs awl due glad den
With wrapped words fare as hear

To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud
And wee mussed dew the best wee can
Sew flaws are knot aloud

So ewe can sea why aye dew prays
Such soft wear four pea seas
And why eye brake in two averse
Buy righting want to please

edit: for mat

Everyone knows Robert Conrad caught Obama as Obama's mother gave birth while Connie Stevens was watching over Robbert Conrads shoulder. They where on break from fiming the Hawaiian Eye TV series!

Elvis held Obama out of the hot air balloon during the filming of Blue Hawaii.

the balloon, but many other republicans insist that it was Michael Jackson who held the baby as Elvis organized the ground efforts to catch the baby. Obviously Ann Margaret and Colonel Parker were deeply involved as well.

and varied history..it is only our good karma that has allowed him to be Mr President.

Thank you, tosws!

And even though I heard he was born in a submarine 5500 feet below the coast of Bondi Beach, I think your hot air balloon theory holds more water. (Pardon the Pun)

Okay, you've explained 99% of the story but left out a very crucial bit. What about -- Those Ears?? Any explanation for that??

also, the baby Glen Beck, the baby Newt Gingretch and the baby Orly Taitz.

The baby Isis, however, is pleased as punch.

The baby Dionysus will be providing the punch.

Because this made my day....

!!

I must be slow this morning. It is funny though. You should add in that he beat up people at the records office to get them to accept his "fake" birth certificate. The thought of a baby doing this is pretty outrageous and fits in well.