A Modest Proposal: Common Sense for Birthers

Hmmmm. Hawaii is the 50th state. President Obama is 48 today. Fifty minus forty-eight equals two. This obviously indicates that President Obama is two-faced and leads us to the inevitable conclusion that the President has covered up his Kenyan birth, is not a citizen of the United States, and is therefore unfit for office.

Hmmmm. http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalpunch/2009/08/president-obama-serenades-helen-thomas-on-their-birthday.html President Obama and veteran reporter Helen Thomas share the same birthday. The President serenaded Helen Thomas and served her cupcakes to commemorate the day. Everyone knows that cupcakes are death-dealing artery-cloggers and that eighty-nine year olds are extremely susceptible to shock. We cannot but surmise that President Obama is trying to murder Helen Thomas by force-feeding her trans fats and shocking her by breaking out into Presidential song. Clearly our President is a homicidal maniac and is therefore unfit for office.

Hmmmm. President Obama was born in the eighth month on the fourth day. Eight plus four equals twelve. Twelve backwards is twenty-one. In Revelation, Chapter 21, verse 8 (the eighth month) it is written: But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death. Line 4 (the fourth day) of this verse contains the phrase "idolaters, and all liars." The Bible is the incontrovertible Word of God. There can be no doubt that God wants us to know that President Obama is an idolater and a liar and is therefore unfit for office.

In the face of all the mounting evidence, it is our duty as citizens of these United States of America to: 1) throw off the chains of deceit and the shackles of perfidy and rid ourselves of The Tyrant Obama by impeachment in the House of Representatives to be followed directly by trial and conviction in the Senate; and, 2) to ensure that, at this time of national crisis, Chief Justice John Glover Roberts, Jr. of the Supreme Court of the United States of America appoints, as President and Vice-President, the legitimate heirs to the George W. Bush presidency:
Rush Hudson Limbaugh III (President) and Lou Dobbs (Vice-President).

To this end, I am preparing a pamphlet, entitled "Non Sense," to be circulated among the populace.

:rofl:


K&R

The point of a Modest Proposal is not simply snark. It is to reveal the hypocritical beliefs held by many people by taking them to their logical extreme. To wit:

In Jonathan Swift's original, the Irish insisted on having children - not practicing any birth control - and thus they starved to death by not being able to support them. Swift suggested selling the infants to the English to roast, thus making the Irish breed-mares money. This showed how little real love the Irish had for children, and how rapacious the British were towards the Irish.

In music critic Gene Lees's version, pop music promoted drug use, despite its destruction of people who used drugs - including the musicians themselves. He suggested that, since America's youth was given everything they wanted by their parents, they should be given free rein to use whatever drugs they wanted, including heroin. The resulting depopulation would make life much nicer for everyone. Lees had seen generations of jazz musicians die from drugs, and he hated it - and he hated the fact that drug abuse was such a popular and uncriticized part of the 60's youth culture.

Now...here's a genuine Modest Proposal for the Birthers.

If Obama's birth certificate is so important, everyone in America must be able to produce his or her original birth certificate whenever doing anything; voting, getting a driver's license, entering a political rally, marriage, divorce, burial. This is not too different from the "papers" required to be held and shown by every citizen in places like Russia, China, Chile, Argentina, and other "enlightened" nations. You have to prove that you were born here to do anything important.

This would obliterate the need for that big-ass fence on the Mexican border. You present a Mexican birth certificate, you get kicked out of America so fast that you hit the Panama Canal on the first bounce. This also goes for those "technical visa" people brought in to do all that work for Microsoft that is apparently beyond the capability of those stupid, lazy, salary-demanding American techs.

Same thing for those Canadians sneaking across to provide comedy and acting talent to American productions.

Naturally, to check this business will require a new infallible government bureaucracy far better built than the defective Department of Homeland Security. It will be a huge army of agents spread across the country for birth certificate checking. It will be called the Department of Universal Motherland Birth Accreditation Security Service. If you're so smart, figure out the acronym yourself.

Now THAT is a Modest Proposal.