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Despite a still shaky economy, there is one product that people just can’t get enough of – and are willing to purchase regardless of its exorbitant price tag.
Yeah, I know. At first glance, it would seem that The Lie™ is free of charge. You can read it, hear it – even download it on the internetz and share it with your friends! – without paying any user fees, royalties, or commissions of any kind.
Of course, the real price of The Lie™ is a hidden cost. You accept one and happily go on your way, not realizing – until it’s too late – that you’ve just voted against your own best interests, or supported a politician who will ensure you get royally screwed by the corporation that is filling his/her campaign coffers with the very dollars they are going to suck out of your pocket – same dif.
As a result of the incredible popularity of The Lie™, I have decided to capitalize on the current demand – and just how fuckin’ American is that? (Well, at least in some quarters, anyway.)
I plan to start small – a boutique-style operation, if you will – with an initial launch of the Healthcare Reform Lie™. This particular lie has been flyin’ off the shelves (and/or TV screens, websites, radio shows, etc.), and I don’t see why I shouldn’t make a buck or two (or a brazillion) creating, packaging, marketing and distributing the very product the whole country seems to be clamoring for.
The Healthcare Reform Lie™ can be customized to fit any purpose, any media outlet, any political need – and any budget! – and will range from little white lies, a slight distortion of facts, misrepresentation of universal healthcare statistics from other nations, graphics depicting non-existent government bureaucracies that will never need to be created – right up to providing our higher-end customers (like FAUX-News et al) with our top-of-the-line Death Panel Lie™ XTreme Series, guaranteed to outrage (and completely sucker) even their laziest, most dim-witted viewers.
For those who feel they are not adept enough to “sell” the Healthcare Reform Lie™ to their audience/constituents, we will have professional liars on staff – ready to travel to a town hall meeting or teabagging event in your area. (Note: Travel expenses, per diem rates to cover meals and lodging, mis-spelled protest signs, and acting skills to pose as a “local concerned citizen” ARE extra. All prices quoted in our brochure are F.O.B. and include applicable taxes.)
I am, needless to say, extremely excited about the prospects for The Lie™ Inc. After the expected success of the Healthcare Reform Lie™, we will be launching a series of new and exciting Lie™ products in the coming months – e.g. The Dems Are Going To Take Your Guns Away Lie™, the Obama Is A Secret Muslin Who Was Born in Kenya Lie™, the Diebold Voting System Is Flawless Lie™ – in addition to repackaging some previously popular products, like the Torture Saves Lives Lie™, hopefully in time for the Holy Christmas Birth-of-The Prince-of-Peace gift-giving season.
For those among you looking for a good investment in these troubled economic times, The Lie™ Inc. will be selling franchises to those who can demonstrate an ability to lie well and repeatedly, without concern for the consequences to their fellow citizens or their nation’s wellbeing as a whole.
In keeping with current American corporate policy, I expect, as CEO of The Lie™ Inc., to earn in excess of six figures in the first quarter of operation, along with an annual $24,000,000 “performance bonus” . This means that some franchisees may not see any return on their investment for the first fifteen to twenty years of operation – give or take.
What can I say? Lies don’t come cheap – but if you’ve ever been lied to by a politician you supported, a TV “journalist”, or an on-air radio personality who led you to support Lies™ you’ve been told to your own detriment, you already know that.
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