All the president's emails: In a unique experiment in democratic transparency, Barack Obama - a BlackBerry owner, and the first American president to use email while in office - has agreed to copy G2 in on his otherwise highly confidential electronic communications. Each week, we present a selection from recent days:
To: Sarah Palin <sarah@palin2012victorycommittee.com>
Subject: Re: Re: olive branch?
... And I appreciate your gracious response, believe me. I know we've had our differences, but as I like to say, just because we disagree, that doesn't mean we have to be disagreeable! (Nice line, huh?) Anyway, so: if you do decide to accept the offer, here's how it would work. The title would be president's special envoy to Palau, and you'd have responsibility for overseeing the integration of the Uyghur detainees after they leave Guantanamo. To do your job properly, you'd really have to move to the remote Pacific archipelago, and probably, you know, stay there for ever and never leave. But it's beautiful there - similar to Alaska in lots of ways, I think. As you'll find out when you get there. WH travel office can sort tickets. (Or should I say "ticket"?!) Am keen to get moving on this asap.
Warmly,
Barack
To: VPOTUS <joe.biden@whitehouse.gov>
Subject: Re: Somebody pretending to be me on "Twitters"??
I get that it makes you uneasy, but no, I don't think it means they can access your bank account. You've been reading too many USA Today scare stories about identity theft, haven't you? Anyway, I took a look at the page, and I've gotta say, it makes you look ... well, it makes you look like you know what Twitter is. So I'd leave it, if I were you. BHO
To: VPOTUS <joe.biden@whitehouse.gov>
Subject: Vacation arrangements
Well spotted! Yes, it's true that the trip we've organised for you coincides with my vacation, but it's an extremely important project, so I'd like you to go ahead with it anyway. Few things are more of a priority, at this point in my presidency, than our policies regarding the Utah wilderness. And specifically those parts of the Utah wilderness still without any form of cellphone coverage or internet access. I know you're a hands-on guy, so you'll want to check out the terrain for yourself. The cabin we've rented for you is pretty luxurious, I'm told, and it's so beautiful out there. Enjoy.
BHO
To: Sasha Obama <nickjonasfan@yahoo.com>, Malia Obama <hypoallergenic_puppies_are_cute@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Sasha poured Gatorade on my copy of The Wealth of Nations
Girls! If I hear any more reports of fighting between you I won't be inviting Nick Jonas OR Joseph Stiglitz to join us at Martha's Vineyard. And then you'll BOTH be disappointed. You're just going to have to learn to accept that you have very different interests. It's what makes you each so special! Although don't forget, Malia, that Sasha has a point: sometimes it *is* fun to go outside and play, run around, things like that. Even if you don't want to play with her. Don't get me wrong – I love that you love macroeconomics so much. I just want you to be happy. xxDad
To: Tony Blair <tony@tonyblairoffice.org>
Subject: Re: Mideast brainwave!!!?!!?!
Tony, you know I love you. (No, not like that! But in a respectful, statesman-to-washed-up-warmonger kind of way.) But you're really beginning to test my celebrated Zen-like calm. My first objection to your plan: there are particular sensitivities surrounding alcohol where Muslims are involved. My second, broader objection: even if the Muslim thing wasn't a problem, you just are NOT going to solve such an intractable, bloody, decades-old geopolitical problem by "getting Netanyahu, Abbas and Haniyeh round to the White House for a beer". You don't solve anything by having a beer.
Best, Barack
To: VPOTUS
Subject: Re: Dude, you met the frickin' POPE? OMFG!!!
To address your points in order:
1. Yes, he's a head of state and so am I. It's not really that weird. Sometimes I think you forget we're running the world's most powerful country here! Or, you know, I am. You're probably shopping for motorbike parts on the internet or something.
2. Whether or not it's true that "Old Grandma Biden would have choked on her communion wafer to know her son's boss had met the frickin' POPE", I appreciate the underlying sentiment.
3. Yes, I have bought you a little trinket from the Vatican City. It's a snow globe featuring a figurine of St Catherine. Tacky, but I reckon you'll like it. To answer the question in your forthcoming email, no, her clothes do not come off when you turn it upside down.
Later, BHO
To: VPOTUS
Subject: Re: another NK nuclear test?!!
No, I heard that too. But I think it was just a car backfiring somewhere on Pennsylvania Avenue.
To: VPOTUS
Subject: Re: Fw: possible diplomatic overture?
Calm down, Joe. It's not code, it's gobbledegook. Do you think the real Kim Jong Il would sign off by offering you cheap Viagra and Cialis? Don't send me any more of these. BHO
To: Melissa Hathaway, Acting Senior Director for Cyberspace for the National Security and Homeland Security Councils
Subject: email security
Melissa, I know you're very busy, but if you have a minute could you show Joe how to turn on his spam filter? He's not good with this stuff and I'm worried he'll infect all the White House servers. Thanks, Barack
To: Malia Obama
cc: Sasha Obama
Subject: pets and responsibilities
Hey, I thought we had a contract. When we agreed to get Bo, we also agreed that you two would assume all the duties involved - that includes feeding the dog, walking the dog, cleaning up the dog's business and answering the dog's emails. The IT desk tells me there's a 6.5 GB pile-up in his inbox. I know you've got a lot of homework, but it doesn't take much - "Thanks for the message, woof woof, Bo" and on to the next one. Let's aim for a significant dent in the backlog by the end of the week. Dad.
To: Michelle Obama
Subject: Bo
I thought this dog was supposed to be for the kids. It follows me up and down the corridor. It watches me while I'm on the phone. It's watching me now. When I go to the bathroom it stands expectantly on the other side of the door. I'm the President of the United States, dammit. I have people for that. Bx
To: Michelle Obama
Subject: it won't leave me alone
Every time I turn around it's there, staring at me. At least I think it's staring at me - I can't see its eyes. I know it's just bonding, but can't it live somewhere else during the day? What about the East Wing? Or the North Wing? Is there a North Wing? You took the tour. Bx
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/series/all-the-presidents-emails
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