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This from a friend of a friend:
Abraham Lincoln was a great man, but even great men get things wrong sometimes. We probably should have let the South go while we had the chance. Over 100 years later, differences still seem irreconcilable and cohabitation has become particularly strained. So here is my suggestion for a more perfect union. Or rather, dis-union:
1. All Teabaggers move to a southern state. Or a conglomeration of southern states. Heck, take them all!
2. Secede.
Yes, please, secede! We won't fight it this time! Really! We promise!
Teabagistan could be the country of their dreams. A place where they can scream at Town Hall meetings and yell insults in their Senate and elect Rush Limbaugh president and ride their motorcycles without helmets and trash the environment and hoot and holler and display the 10 Commandments and abolish abortions and torment gays and minorities and shoot each other and not pay taxes and whatever else they want.
Life will be rosy in Teabagistan! All the big industries will want to move there. NO REGULATIONS! No unions, no worker protections, no taxes, no EPA, no trade laws, no anti-trust, no health care, no minimum wage, no cap-and-trade. It will be a corporate paradise. Big money to be made! Wall Street might even want to relocate. (Oh Lord, please, please, please.)
Yes, Teabagistan will need lots of money for all the countries they plan to invade. Meanwhile, up north here we'll just quietly tool around like an electric car and mind our own business like some Scandinavian country. Maybe we'll join Canada. Wouldn't that be nice? We'll see.
The one thing we won't do is take Teabagistan back. And they'll want to come back when their infrastructure is falling apart and their food is contaminated and their water polluted and they've depleted their resources and families are homeless and children are hungry and sick and their old people dying without "socialized" medicine (i.e. Medicare.) They'll want to come back because things will have devolved into a corrupt corporate fiefdom with a fraction of wealthy elite owning everything and rising numbers having no food, shelter, health care, education or employment, and an economy destroyed by reckless military adventurism, regressing into some over-sized banana republic........wait a minute.......this is beginning to sound familiar. We're almost Teabagistan as it is! So what are they are complaining about?
Well, I suppose it isn't bad enough for them yet.
So yes, please go. We have some serious repair work to do around here and you're sort of getting in the way. While we hate to see things end on such a sour note, you've become aggressive and abusive and before you start blowing up more Federal buildings, we think you should just leave. But as a token of our best wishes, we'll throw in Texas. Fox news. And Sarah Palin....though she may be tapped as Queen of Northern Teabagistan.
Please don't forget your Hummers, Old Testament, assault rifles and Ann Coulter. And don't let the screen door hit you on your way out!
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