report from the Battlefield

I got up this morning looked out my window. I saw headless bodies, heard gun shots all around and I worried because I needed to go to the store and buy food. I put on my flak vest, combat helmet, grabbed my rifle with some grenades. Dang, I thought, wish I had a tank. I unlocked the 57 locks and slide back the bolts, opened the cast iron gate that I had installed to keep out the enemy. Slowly I emerged into the soup. I looked toward the pool and saw the headless bodies floating, but then I realized the bodies were headless because the trees were blocking my view, and they were actually swimming and having fun. I walked down the street, fully armed and equipped as passer-bys looked at me as if I were a nut. Surprisingly, not once was I shot at. I got to the store and the clerk laughed at me as I walked in, one girl looked at me and told her mom, "Is he an escapee from the mental ward?"

I got back home without a single shot, although some did yell out their car windows making fun of me. I then locked all the locks, and realized I had forgotten to turn off the war movie I had been watching. Suddenly it dawned on me those were the shots I had heard earlier, and I started to feel rather foolish about calling my family members warning them not to come visit me here in Arizona because they were most likely to be killed and/or kidnapped. I wish I had never never believed those reports from Jan Brewer, now my family is too scared to come here and begging me to leave Arizona.

Well, thanks Jan for making my life isolated, and now you want my vote? Don't think so moron.