Texas Enacts Leviticus as State Law

01-Apr-2005

Texas governor Rick Perry today signed into law the entirety of the Bible’s Book of Leviticus after it passed both houses of the legislature by more than two-thirds majorities. Meanwhile, Congressman Tom DeLay forced a mandatory kneel-down prayer meeting in the U.S. Congress to give thanks for this first enactment of Leviticus. The book is being incorporated into legislation in fourteen states nationwide, and legislatures have been racing to see who can make it law first.

Immediately after the signing, the Texas governor privately removed and then publicly burned the cotton-polyester leisure suit he had worn to the ceremony. It was replaced with an all-polyester leisure suit.

The Texas Gulf shrimp industry is being sent to Louisiana and all Red Lobster outlets in Texas have been sold to the Black Eyed Pea restaurant chain. Shrimp, lobster and shellfish are being removed from supermarkets along with pork. Wearing his “other Stetson” as a lobbyist for the beef industry, Governor Perry explained that beef would not be considered unclean even if was not actually clean. Locusts, katydids, crickets and grasshoppers are expected to replace shrimp and lobster on the plates of Texans.