So, ... an atheist was taking a walk through the woods. (email joke)

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods.

"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.

As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes.

Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster.

He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him. At that instant the atheist cried out: "Oh my God..."

Time stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent.

It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying:
"You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit cre ation to a cosmic accident.

Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice.

The light went out. And the sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke:
"Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful. Amen."

Or being an atheist makes one a slower runner. Something like that.

:rofl:

:eyes:

A man who had studied much in the schools of wisdom finally died in the fullness of time and found himself at the Gates of Eternity. An angel of light approached him and said, "Go no further, O mortal, until you have proven to me your worthiness to enter into Paradise!"

But the man answered, "Just a minute now. First of all, can you prove to me this is a real Heaven, and not just the wild fantasy of my disordered mind undergoing death?"

Before the angel could reply, a voice from inside the gates shouted: "Let him in - he's one of us!"

no one to talk to during orgasms.

:spray:
You owe me a monitor!

he'll totally comp you one.

Fortunately a sip of wine is easy to clean off my monitor and keyboard!

:rofl:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Ha!

When I have an orgasm, I am never alone in the room. :hi:

... Am I to count you as a believer?"

So God can save a dude from a horrible death, but chooses not to because of what the guy thinks about.

Moral of the story: God is an egotistical bastard.

One day, a Christian was walking through the woods.

Then a bear jumped out of the bushes and started chasing.

And the Christian said, "Oh, Lord! Please protect me!"

Suddenly, the bear caught the Christian and ripped him to shreds and feasted on flesh.

Because there's no such thing as God.

Sid

The atheists on this board constantly bash the Christians, yet, when the tables are turned - you have to get snarky.

:eyes:

I like this thread - along with the Northern racist thread. They both prove an excellent point regarding the stereotyping that goes on here. When someone makes fun of Northerners, all hell breaks loose - the same with atheists, yet, you guys both do it all the time to Southerners and Christians.

Not everyone fits the stereotypical mold.

Peace.

Sorry, but when people claimed that saying "Christians are normal people like everyone else" is anti-christian bigotry, I really lost respect for the view that Christians are bieng bashed by the atheists.

Bah.

Now, the north-south thing, that is more serious.

go ballistic.

Ach! The heathens!

Besides, a joke isn't exactly criticism anyways.

Bornaginhooligan took that mildly ammusing joke and made it ever more funny. Quit being a whiney christian hehe.

:rofl: :patriot: :thumbsup:

it was a new development, and lots of construction issues in the new homes.

Two 10 year old girls ran inside to use the restroom (their moms were sitting in the driveway talking.)

The bathroom door wouldn't unlock. They called out, the moms heard, they went to look for a construction worker with a screwdriver nearby.

When they got the door open, one girl was on her knees praying for God to help her get out.

The other was almost finished prying open a window that was swelled shut.

So... what do you suppose the story that circulated was:

A. The Christian girl prayed for help and received it?
B. The atheist girl realized she might be responsible for her safety and opened the window to get herself out?

was too busy protecting Christians over in EYE-raq.

No, that's not it. Come to think of it, what has God been doing lately?

CEOs. Moreover, if you think about it, god has a bit of the capitalist in him too...he has even codified his monopoly.

He was behind the sofa the whole time.

Jeez, what a vindictive jerk.

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

Though, I still am not sure, what position he plays.

I find this offensive.

So let me slam christians for a while, then moslems, then Hindus, then agnostics, then atheists in that order.


"Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes."
George Carlin

And I didn't care for the joke either.

Sid

We use the same expressions everyone else uses being as we were raised on the same planet as everyone else.
Lee

I'm sure hindis have their own expressions given their many gods.

A while back some christian tried to "prove" to me that god was real, and cursing came from the devil wanting us to say "goddamn," citing the American english expression as proof, and that they had never heard someone say "Buddha-damn." :eyes:

I had to point out to her that she had never in her life, left the confines of her english speaking judeo-christian based/influenced culture, and that she was completely ignorant of what was being said elsewhere. Therefore her "proof," wasn't proof at all. Her confused expression upon realizing how limited her life experience and understanding was, was priceless.

Feh.

...just kinda lacks that certain swing.

Phrase courtesy of Terry Pratchett.

continuum, because it is also a metaphysical representation of the inherit meaninglessness of an undefined God, but let's not go into that.

We have a winner.

Sid

obviously

It makes no sense for an atheist to expect that a Christian bear would be any nicer to him than a nonreligious bear. Just the opposite.

This is probably another instance of a Christian distorting reality to take a swipe at atheism.

The bear, mightily pissed off at this newfound "religion" thing depriving him of lunch, became an atheist himself.

It is a nice day out and a priest and a rabbi are out for a nature walk. It is kind of warm so when they notice a pond they decide to go skinny dipping. They're having a good time when they hear some people walking through the woods. They're afraid they might be caught so they dash out of the water grab their clothes and run into the woods. The priest holds the clothes over his privates as he runs, but the rabbi holds his clothes up over his face.

After escaping, the priest asks the rabbi, "Why didn't you cover your privates?"

And the rabbi responds, "Well, I don't know about you, but it's my face that my congregants would recognise..."

Bryant
Check it out --> http://politicalcomment.blogspot.com

I like jokes but I find this not really a good joke or at a good time.

But since i don't think Atheist or Christian bashing jokes are likely to stop anytime soon, at least put it in the Religion forum where those who don't want to participate don't get sucked in.

Bryant

Because i know you've seen them as much as I have.

It's not like I got amnesia when I left the religion forum.

But how about the one about "If you believe in the rapture, you shouldn't be allowed to have a drivers license cause you might get raptured and wreck your car."

Bryant

I would have thought it was about fundies only, so I have a serious question to ask you:

Do you feel that that joke was about Christians, as a group or whole, and dependent upon internal properties assigned to the group "Christian"?

May sound arcane but curious minds have to know. :)

(Thank you Mods) I won't participate further, as I don't participate in the religion forum.

But to answer your question, while the Rapture is not a belief of all Christians or all Christian sects, nor is it a belief restricted to the Fundamentalists. And I'm not keen on being a "tame" Christian, i.e. a Christian who adjusts his or her beliefs to eliminate the bits you find offensive or ridiculous.

Bryant

disappear", it kind of follows logically that those of us left "behind" on the road are going to be put in danger.

:ROFL:

I have that as a bumper sticker except it says we crashed in the Andes...<g>

My girlfriend won't let me put it on the car.

She also won't let me put the bumper sticker that says:

"In case of rapture, can I have your car?"

Some people don't get that one. In bible belt places like where I live, there are certain fundies who think when rapture happens they will just be pulled up to heaven immediately, even if they are driving down the road so they have..."In case of rapture this car will be unmanned" as a "warning" to those behind their car. So I have..."In case of rapture, can I have your car?"

....but alas, as we do live in the bible belt, my girlfriend is afraid to put them on the car.

Lee

please leave the keys in your car. Thank you.

In case of rapture, their clothes are all staying behind anyway. So we get their car keys AND all their loose change *Rubbing hands gleefully*

those joke detached arms, drill a hole through the hand, paint blood on it and hang it out of my car trunk, along with a sign saying "I Found Jesus." But being that I live in the bible-belt, I'm afraid I'd get shot.

A scientist and a creationist are out in the woods on a hike, debating debating evolution.

A bear springs out and gives chase to the fleeing creationist and scientist.

The creationist turns to the scientist and says "Save your soul and accept God now - you'll never outrun that bear!"

The scientist replies "I don't have to outrun the bear - just you."

I was just waiting to use that punchline! :evilgrin:

:rofl:

Though, I have always heard it was a missionary doing G-d's work and asks that the bear be turned Christian. Whatever. Still funny!

though, huh?

Although everybody enjoys jokes about watching those pain-in-the-ass atheists die. :eyes:

Actually, it would be just as funny if a Jew said "G-d, please make this bear a Jew and the bear said the Barucha! The only problem is most people wouldn't get it.

On edit: Did you even read my fucking post? I had never heard the "atheist" version. So your little crack about Jews, then about how we all find it funny to see atheists die is all IN YOUR HEAD!

then see if it's not offensive. Because, frankly, it is.

You are reading way too much into a very simple joke. I told you the way I heard the joke, so why is G-d punishing the missionary? It is not about "punishment" but about being "literal."

ON EDIT: I couldn't understand why you were so cheesed off. There have been PLENTY of worse things said about atheists here. So, I went back and read the whole joke. I admit, I read the first part and the punch line because I have seen the joke a number of times. It was what was in the middle that is problematic. So, I apologize for biting your head off. If that part was left out, it would be less offensive. I still think it is a funny joke because it is about getting what you wished for, but not quite what you wished for.

It's not the worst joke in the world, but in the context of what is going on in this country right now, which includes a solid vibe of "Why can't these pain in the ass atheists shut the f*** up", maybe I'm a little more touchy than I might otherwise be. :hi:

...I think there's a joke about a genie in a bar which makes essentially the same point about literalism, except the punch line is "I didn't ask for a 12 inch pianist!" The good thing about that one is, it only offends uptight prudes.

I have to chastise myself for things I get onto other about, which is not reading the entire post or linked article before commenting. I can't say, in all honesty, that I would have changed my post, but I don't that I wouldn't have. The comment you made about "what if it were Jews" no makes more sense, and I am sure that would have raised my hackles, especially considering the past week here.

I am watching all the "this person is/isn't a racist" threads and it is really shining a light on quite a few people. Perhaps we all should look more inside before projecting onto others, but it doesn't mean we should excuse bias and bigotry when it pops up.

:hi:

anti-semitism here. My point about "what if it were Jews" is this- and it is something we all would do well to keep in mind when dealing with these issues IMHO- the gist of that joke, as I understand it, is that the pesky unbeliever is being punished for being "wrong" and denying the truth about "God", and the listener to the joke gets to enjoy the mental image of him being mauled by a bear.

This is the same kind of crap that some Fundamentalist Christians have flung at Jews for time immemorial. Aside from dragging out tired old "atheists in foxholes" stereotypes, the undercurrent of that joke is one of meanness and intolerance towards "heretics".

Your explanation is understood. We were on the same page since my prior post. I thought, why this response? Then I re-read my post...

"The comment you made about "what if it were Jews" no makes more sense, and I am sure that would have raised my hackles, especially considering the past week here."


That should have read..."The comment you made about "what if it were Jews" noW makes more sense, and I am sure that would have raised my hackles, especially considering the past week here."

Damn spell check! Where's the grammar check!?! I should have proof-read. I apologize, for once again, screwing it up!

Ah, now it ALL makes sense.

that doesn't exist.

but frankly, I find obsessing over people's sex lives and harassing unbelievers to be far more entertaining. Don't forget to tithe!"

choose to wait until moments before the man's death to finally make his presence known to him? Is god a sadist, or does he just have really bad timing?

God doesn't have any control over those damn bears. You can't teach them anything.

Remember Elisha, the angry baldy? 2 Kings:

2:23 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.

2:24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

I fully expect atheists to get as upset as the Christians do when an atheist makes a joke,because neither group has much of a sense of humor when it's THEM being poked fun of.

Because so far I've seen 5 committed Atheists exposed to this joke and not one got pissed off.

And won't be the last.

Though there is someone who thinks it's "atheist bashing".

on edit - I had an atheist here on DU harp on my sig pic for leaving out atheists,so yes,some are looking for any slight,just like many religious people do.

I've seen the humanist/atheist symbol, and can't figure how it'd fit in the word "Coexist"

In my eyes, I've always viewed your sig pic as a command to people to curb their own religious intolerance, and hatred of the other religions. A message that doesn't really apply to atheists/agnostics such as myself.

I've actually been thinking about taking it out because I can't live up to it myself.

The atheist then used his superior mind and pulled his firearm from his pocket and killed the bear.

He then took it to town and said to the Christians "This bear spoke to me through some divine voice" and left. Then the Christians gathered around the bear and started shaking and speaking in tongue.

They then put the bear on a cross and began to worship the corpse of the bear. As the bear decomposed, they saw it move. Devoid of all scientific senses, they say the bear rose from the dead, so they buried it in a tomb in white cloth, made up some stories about the bear's life, and pillaged and plundered and murdered and battled.

All for the bear that didn't exist anymore.

Bear died for your sins. Repent, and with me, learn the joys of becoming bearn again.

abandon all hope, ye who enter this website

http://www.yourgoingtohell.com/

But the 'Disgusting Vision of Hell' may be right on one thing@

'There appeared also schools and universities where in all manner of "wisdom of the world" was sought after....So it came to pass that all labor and never ending seeking came to the acquiring of a document a certifying of their worthiness. This certifying was such that all desired the documents and would turn from nothing till it was attained. Yet upon that acquiring of the certification that all would glory in ...it was blank ...for it was worth nothing ...And so these would start all over again with all lust, labor and drivenness to obtain again that which they might be gloried in...'


But you don't need to go to hell for that! You just need to be a university teacher in Blair's Britain! This particular torment is properly known as the Research Assessment Exercise (imagine NCLB for universities...)

God prefers correct spelling.

and a bear jumps out and starts chasing him. Atheist says "Help me, god," or whatever.

Time stops, a bright light pierces the clouds, and a booming voice from the sky says, "All this time you denied my existence, now you expect me to save you?"

The atheist scratches his head and says, "Either I'm hallucinating from fear, or there really IS a god; only an irrational person would conclude otherwise. I've got nothing to lose--I'll take door number two. Sorry for not believing in you, god. Now, could you help me out here?"

"Yes, my son--better late than never! I will save you," says the voice from the sky.

Then the bear eats the former atheist. Because the apparition of god really was a hallucination after all.

Atheists and religion bashers has sticks up their asses about this joke. Just pointing that out.

Huh. I hadn't noticed that.

I just don't think an atheist would cry out to god, is all. It's kinda like that "no atheists in foxholes" meme. Whoever made up this joke just doesn't know what an atheist is.

Sid

Why won't they just accept our preachy nonsense and shut the fuck up?

Whatever you answer in response to this post will prove every point I'm ever GOING to make.

Hey, this is fun!

:)

The "joke" is not only offensive, it's not funny.

Of course, I guess if one is too terrified of a giant invisible man to have an enjoyable sex life, the bar is set pretty low for entertainment.

there you go.

but THIS committed atheist doesn't find ANYTHING offensive in that joke, either to Atheists or Christians.

It's about God having a wicked sense of humor.

But last night ..... when you were saying "Oh God! Oh GOD! Ooooohhhhh GOD!" you were lying to me???

WELL!

I didn't fake ALL of it :evilgrin:

I think if atheists are saying the joke is offensive, maybe folks should take us at our word.

Hey! This is easy!

Fucking atheists, they should just accept that they really want to have God and as just to proud to admit it, huh?

Yup, nothing offensive about that joke whatsoever.

And HOW could they even be religion bashers? As you just demonstrated, religion just makes people full of sweetness and light. :)

Bush died, and knocked at the gate of Heaven. St Peter started to open it and shook his head at Dubya: "Sorry, wrong floor, please go downstairs." About half an hour later, there was an absolutely frantic knocking at Heaven's gate, and St Peter saw Satan himself, complete with horns and tail, gasping out: "I demand political asylum!"

(Originally told about Thatcher.)

For some reason, many Christians feel just fine about openly expressing their hatred of atheists. Why is that? Any person of a non-Judeo Christian faith is also inherently denying Christian beliefs.

Maybe it's seated in some Christians' own insecurities. Perhaps many aren't all that convinced, and choose instead to externalize their "flaw" and hate it from afar, by hating others.

they're supposedly "fine" with it, they will "allow" people to live "that kind of lifestyle". They just don't want it "shoved in their face". i.e., atheists should keep their mouths good and shut.

After the "Joke", did the email -which sounds like rw tripe, frankly- finish with something like...

"GOD BLESS AMERICA! If you agree, pass it on!"

...just curious.

of founding fathers quotes justifying prayer in public schools, or a bunch of Rush Limbaugh agit-prop against the ACLU. In fact, I'll assume that it was sent to you just as you posted it here, the "joke", completely by itself, no other text.

I can't help but wonder what your purpose was in posting it. Do you really find it that funny? Also, a number of people here find it offensive- offensive in a way that, if the person in the joke was a "Jew", or a "Buddhist", there is NO WAY this thread wouldn't be locked by now.

Any thoughts on that?

Sender is a middle-age, white professional male. He is/was Jewish and resides outside the US.

Sorry, but I thought it was funny. It skewered everyone.

It made me think.

some people have here, that it presents "God" as petty, vindictive, and small-minded. Really, the only person it 'skewers', in my view, is the atheist, and it provides the listener with the added satisfaction of envisioning the pesky unbeliever being mauled by a bear.

But, fair enough. Thanks for the straightforward answers. Although I still think the joke about the twelve inch pianist is funnier.

I'm somewhat surprised by the number of posts in this thread.

If you had told a joke emphasizing negative stereotypes about about African Americans or gays, this thread wouldn't last 10 minutes before being blasted into the ether by a mod. But, atheist stereotypes are a-okay.

Get real.

Anytime someone mentions being a Christian, the shit hits the fan. "Oh those Christians are all Bush loving anti-gay, bigots ..... blah, blah, blah!"

If these ever-present examples of generalizing about "All Christians" are really everywhere on DU (geez, we sure are supposed to believe that they are), why don't you complain about them THERE, instead of trying to justify the posting of anti-atheist hate?

Have fun

I mean, if the casual swipes at Christianity you describe really are the standard around here, surely a little anti-Christian humor would've brought it out. But you chose to antagonize atheists instead.

You know what I think would've happened if you'd posted an anti-Christian joke? Pretty much the same thing that's happened in this one. Some would laugh, some would get pissed. I wonder, though, if you'd be quite as anxious to point out all the people with "sticks up their asses"?

since it makes their God out to be a mean, petty little jackass. the Atheist in the joke is willing to die for his beliefs and the Chrisitan God apparently has the emotional maturity of the head cheerleader at a badly managed high school.

how is this not anti-Christian?

Jesus and Moses were hangin by the beach one day and Moses says to Jesus, "Hey J. Let's try some of our old tricks. It's been a while, but I think it's time we whup out a couple of the ol' miracles". Jesus tell Moses, "Ok, Mo! I'm down with that."

So Moses walks up to water, raised his arms the sea parts.

"Wooo HOOO, J! I'm the man! Lemme put the sea back and you try that walking on water gig."

"Cool, Daddy O! I'm game" Jesus replied taking the cigarette out of his mouth.

Jesus walks toward the water and starts walking on the water. "How'd ya like that, man?" Jesus shouts back to Moses. Suddenly Jesus sinks to the bottom.

Jesus swims back up, pulls the sea weed out of this hair and walks back up to Moses.

"Oh my Dad! What's up with that shit?".

Moses tells Jesus, "Shit babe. Try it again."

So Jesus starts out and walks out on the sea. He gets about 10 feet from the shore and BLAM! Sinks faster than Shelley Winters in the "Poseidon Adventure".

Pissed off big time, JC stomps back to shore and plops down next to Moses and lights another Chesterfield.

"I don't get it, Mo. When I was younger I could walk my ass across the sea any day of the week. What's up with this shit?".

"Jeeze, Jesus. I don't know".

The two hommies chill for a bit and then look at each other and say in unison. "It's the nail holes."

thankya thankya vury much, I'm here all week.

"Daddy-O"

Chesterfield

Jesus is old-school!

:rofl:

and friends means that we're just so susceptible to hearing stereotypes, y'know.

Of course we think Christians are all bush lovers while surrounded with examples of the opposite.

You've neatly demonstrated that you think atheists are stupid. Pah.

And I rarely see the sort of thing you're talking about. But, feel free to bitch about the anti-christian message in the joke. Just don't do it in a response to my thread that had no mention of christianity.

I'm tired of people assuming that atheists automatically turn to gawd when confronted with a rough situation. A close cousin to the whole "no atheists in a foxhole" myth.

If I told a joke about an African American using stereotypes, the thread would be killed, and with good reason. Why isn't the same thing true about rotten jokes stereotyping other groups?

to a thread that has that comment in it. Please. I don't want you to name names or link to a specific post because that is against the rule, but just give me a link to a thread that has that post in it.

If you can't, which I imagine you can't, then please stop making baseless accusations.

I am offended, as an atheist, that this is not in the religion forum.

Lee

:crazy: :crazy: :crazy:


God: "Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

(former) Atheist: "Why should my belief or disbelief affect whether you help me? Your actions or lack thereof say more about your nature than mine."

Heaven asking for "political asylum" after duhbya gets sent to hell.

And some amazing anger here, too -- which kind of blows my mind. (but shouldn't, of course, this IS DU after all...)

I'm pretty sure that the joke in the OP has been around for quite awhile, I remember coming across it a few years ago. It cracked up then, and cracked me again up just now.

I think it's hilarious in a totally dry, cynical sense. It appeals to my own dispassion and general cynicism.

I am a Buddhist/atheist/animist. I was raised Roman Catholic (including 7 years of Catholic elementary school), delared myself an atheist at age 14, and went on to study Eastern philosophy in college.

Along the way I ended up making connections within several American Indian communities and participated in a number of traditional ceremonies over the course of many years.

And then there was all that Jung and Joseph Campbell I read, studying astrology, learning to read Tarot cards, yoga, studying herbalism, gardening, hunting and gathering (in Alaska & northern Minnesota)...

Long story short: I think of the Universe as being conscious and intelligent. I emphatically do NOT believe in any sort of Sky God laying down (obviously contradictory) rules for human behavior. I believe that the laws of physics and laws of nature suffice to promote good behavior and discourage bad behavior in sentient beings -- that is to say, the laws of the Universe tend toward balance. As to whether there are many sentient beings among humankind, I believe that is an open question for now.

I dropped lots of acid in the late 60s, early 70s. I remain quite convinced that there are other dimensions to our "reality" than what is normally perceived through our strictly physical senses. What some what consider "belief", I consider to be experiential knowledge. Whatever anyone wants to think about it makes no difference to me. I'm old and set in my ways. I've been doing what works for me for a long time now.

I'm just sorry to see people get all worked up and angry about this little joke. I think it's a damn good joke because it highlights absurdity from many different angles.

Irony may or may not be dead. Far more dangerous may be the death of appreciation of the absurd. If we can't laugh about the human condition, then we are way more fucked than we think.

sw

atheists as people who deep-down believe in God and turn to him in times of crisis, right? That old no-atheists-in-foxholes bullshit?

Rather than the manner of his death, per se?

this one is about an atheist who refused to turn to God even when it cost him his life.

or did I mess a section of the joke?

This is also a joke in which we get to hear the wonderfully stupid insipid version of God pushed by RW'ers - that is, one who absolutely cares lots about what people think and cares nothing for the suffering of the world, and finally this is also the joke that is not quite offensive as the last version I heard, whoops about that. The rest still stands.

God basically punishes the person for atheism. That's a high and mighty attitude that is foolish.

EVERYBODY.

I mean, sure, yeah -- I get that argument. I just don't care. The entire setup of the joke is absurd from the getgo. The first absurdity is apparent to anyone who knows anything about how to react to a bear encounter (speaking as someone who has lived many years in bear country).

Since the entire premise of the joke is absurd, it seems foolish to me to take offense. I would think that atheists would find solace in the fact that the one who comes off as the most dishonorable character in this little fable is "god".

sw

People are conveying an image of a God that is a complete bastard - I really don't wanna hear about the kick-arse Jesus throwing people with wrestling moves into a lake of fire and laughing, I don't want any of the other angry-nasty-God right wing bullshit on DU either.

So we're not likely to get an answer to this:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=214x121896#121994

But I'll bet this email "joke" came along forwarded with a slew of Rush Limbaugh quotes about the ACLU.

If not, what's your point?

Maybe this guy doesn't know what he's talking about:



http://www.atheistfoxholes.org/

So I ask again. What's your point? Please. I'd like an answer.

It never occurred to me to ask the marine next to me if he believed or did not believe in god. Yet folks want to make a point that all troops in combat believe in god. I don't know that they do. This is something I hold sacred, if you haven't been in that foxhole, just leave it alone.

And frankly, it's insulting to atheists, whether they've been in the military or not.

If you don't mind me asking.

Is it to defend the saw about how there are no atheists in foxholes, or not?

Or am I just not allowed to say the word "foxhole"? You know, because you're completely ignoring the context of the larger discussion.

Or the larger discussion that to insult is OK as long as your not the person being insulted? You can say what you want. I'm asking that you let the "no atheist in foxholes" die. I'm NOT defending that crap. It never matters what you believe or didn't believe. It matters that those who served not be exploited for some trying to score points for their side of the argument. Now do you have a problem with that?

They are entitled to their opinion, and to their right to speak out against a lame-ass stereotype.

Beyond that, you're right, it shouldn't be used. But, then, someone else -not me- posted the "dumb joke" which is clearly based upon it.

Hence, the discussion.

Seems if I ask a question folks get all kinds of defensive. My request is simple, please don't give credibility to that propaganda. As you said it is offensive.

If I were Jewish, would the assumption be that I would immediately become a Sihk if I were to get into a foxhole, and that I could only refute that if I had personally been into a foxhole? Nope.

The reason for that is because assumptions like that are pretty damn stupid, and a long way away from common sense. Given the fact that we know there have been atheists in foxholes, what has the fact that this atheist has not been in a foxhole got to do with anything?

I'm waiting for a response. :)

That's why I asked. It has nothing to do with what religion you had or did not have. It has nothing to do with your atheism or beliefs. If you haven't been there please leave it alone. You are certainly competent enough to make your arguments and views known without referencing such judgmental propaganda.
And no,I'm not telling you to STFU. I'm respectfully asking you to respect those who have been there.
Sorry it took so long to get back to you.

Hah! If that was what you meant to say, it certainly did not show up in your post.

So, here is how the (paraphrased) conversation went:

Me: That line about "no atheists in foxholes" is a sham

You: Have you been in one? (What would you know?)

Me: I don't have to go to a foxhole to know that it's a bullshit line. I also don't have to go my entire life without killing someone to know the idea that "atheists are evil murderers" is a bullshit line.

You: That's disrespecting the troops. That's referencing judgemental propoganda.

Me: No it isn't. I said what I mean and I mean what I say - the idea that atheists deep down want to believe in God and turn to Her in times of trouble is false. It doesn't matter the setting, whether it is foxholes or almost bieng hit by a car, whatever. It's still a lie, and a damn lie at that.

Though, I must say, given the tone of your post, it seems to me that this might just be us not understanding each other.

Is there something I'm missing?

The question was have you been in a foxhole,not do you believe in god? You don't have to believe in god to be in a foxhole. The use of " there are no atheist in foxholes" is disrespectful period. Leave the troops out of it is all I'm asking.

so often that it is basically a figure of speech.

But no, my points had nothing to do with the troops.

Basically, I was arguing against the stupid, condescending idea that atheists turn to god in times of crisis, which is usually told in the form "there are no atheists in foxholes".

But I know a way to check if we're getting through to each other, my point basically was:

"I'm an atheist and I think the idea that atheists turn to god in times of crisis, usually denoted by the right-wing saying 'there are no atheists in foxholes', is a stupid, condescending, disrespectful and unhelpful idea"

Now, we see if we agree...

"There are no atheists in foxholes" is a stupid, condescending, disrespectful and unhelpful idea.

Ah, I feel much better. I'll be seeing you around, westerebus! :pals:

to the one troo religion, christianity.

Yeah, and I also noticed that it's raining virgins.

Bah.

Way funnier.

I don't know the OP's history (don't care that much, really), but the joke taken at face value seems pretty tame.

Making a bear talk is retarded. hehe.

The joke is okay, but its a real old joke (and I think the original actually had a christian in it, but I digress). I found the alternate forms of this joke much funnier for some reason...probably because this joke is so old and I've heard it so many times.

What I find interesting about the joke (if you will allow me to analyze it), is how ironic it is. There is supposedly a lesson here (atheist in foxholes deep down believe in god), but it comes out looking really bad for god (who is a really sadistic pos in the joke) and the bear turns into something unnatural (with the exception of polar bears, bears don't really hunt or eat people...they just kill when they are afraid or feel threatend). Third of all, it completely misrepresents atheism....it wouldnt be hypocritical to ask god for help, because the reason atheists DON'T believe in god is because he hasn't bothered to show up before. I'm pretty sure if god appeared to me like this, I would be christian in a second.

When will you people start respecting our beliefs?? After all, none of you can prove that bears DON'T talk. Really, it's just two sides of the same coin.

I'm not judging.

;)

;)

:yoiks:

And your mom was close by, and is better looking anyways.

(Lol...okay..I'm finished...somebody reading this might think I don't have respect for you, when thats not the case at all.)

e0m

and it got me thinking how many atheists do say "oh God" or "God damn it," etc.

Kind of cultural phrases. But do some of y'all (atheists) consciously resist using them?

sometimes I do it on purpose just to stir up the shit. It is like the atheist's response to "god bless you".

continuum" instead of "God"

:)

I have been Tivo-ing Voyager, which I missed first time around.

A touch too predictable for my tastes! :)

It is mildly humorous, though only mildly. I think it does rely on some negative stereotypes of atheists, but a lot of humor relys on those and this instance doesn't piss me off. It's just not that funny.

It is interesting to see that there are theists on here are saying "Oh, atheists can't take it." If you think this is bigotry toward atheists, why are you taking the attitude that it is OK since you feel there is christian bigotry. Wouldn't your lord want you to point out and fight against all forms of bigotry whether against christians or apostates? Again, I'm not saying this is bigotry, but the reaction of many christians on here seems very unChristlike.

I thought the Repugs kept a monopoly on that.

From snopes:

An atheist professor was teaching a college class and
he told the class that he was going to prove that there
is no God. He said, "God, if you are real, then I want
you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"

Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God,
saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting."

He got down to the last couple of minutes and a
Marine just returned from the Gulf and released from
active duty and newly registered in the class walked up
to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and
sent him flying from his platform. The professor
struggled up, obviously shaken and yelled, "What's
the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

The Marine replied, "God was busy watching
over my buddies engaged in combat."

:eyes:

The Marine got a "A" from the professor. He also got some "A" from several females in the class. He will be interviewing you for your next job. LOL.

:evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin: :evilgrin:

And since this jarhead's god has let so many of his "buddies" that were "engaged in combat" get killed or fucked up for the rest of their lives, I'd say the dipshit can't even do ONE thing at a time.

Their god sounds more like dubya, actually.

when he "should" be in church. Now that would be funny, like the joke about the orthodox rabbi who skips service to go golfing on the sabbath, and on his first shot, he gets a hole in one. And on his second shot, he gets a hole in one. And on the third. And the fourth. And one of the angels looks at God and says, "What are you doing? He's committing a mortal sin, not keeping the sabbath. And you call that a punishment?" And God just laughs and says, "Who's he going to tell?"


My evidence that this is a souped up joke, stolen to make a point about atheism:


It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying:
"You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit cre ation to a cosmic accident.

Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?"


The first part is not part of a joke. It's part of a Chick comic book, at best. The "credit creation to a cosmic accident" is a dead give away. That's a Christian fantasy of what science and atheism teach.

The second part makes absolutely no sense at all. An atheist would not ask a deus ex machina to make the bear a Christian. We don't expect Christians to be nice to us. Quite the opposite. It's more likely we'd ask to make the bear a Jainist or a vegan vegetarian.

I was AMAZED that none of the people on here that thought this was hilarious even mentioned the fact that this joke is pushing Intelligent Design.

Very well said.

Lookie lookie, it IS a recycled joke originally about a pastor skipping services:

http://www.ajokes.com/jokes/1888.html

;)

I probably heard this joke as it really was a long time ago and it stuck in my memory. It sure doesn't make sense as a joke about an atheist.