"Ten Commandments?"

For those of us who grew up as Christians, the "Ten Commandments" are a familiar list of "dos and don'ts"; even if we are not Christian by nature or nurture, we know them in a general sense. After all, they are apparently the "basis for our system of laws," to quote a certain former judge from Alabama. The presence of the "Ten Commandments" on courthouse walls and stone markers in public parks has sparked court battles that have reached to the US Supreme Court.

Evangelicals and self-righteous Christians everywhere draw the Big Ten like a gun and fire it off with righteous anger.

Or, do they?

What are the REAL Ten Commandments? Do they actually exist?

If you are, or were, a Catholic, you learned that the "Ten Commandments" are:

1. "I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself a graven image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them or serve them." (actually 3 separate commands, but let's not pick nits at this point).

2. "You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain."

3. "Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy."

4. "Honor your father and your mother"

5. "You shall not kill (murder)."

6. "You shall not commit adultery"

7. "You shall not steal"

8. "You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor"

9. "You shall not covet your neighbor's house"

10. "You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his servants, nor anything else that belongs to your neighbor" (a pretty exhaustive list, considering the Hebrews' lifestyle at the time).

Protestants change the order, and the wording, but keep the basic idea. Generally, they also believe that God wrote the Ten Commandments onto stone tablets and gave them to Moses.

The problem is, they're all wrong. Catholics, Protestants, politicians, judges, and journalists misquote the Bible and proffer a list that is NOT the Commandments as the "word of God writ in stone."

Are you ready for a trip down the rabbit hole? Follow me!

(SCENE: Bible creaking open. SFX: "cryptkeeper's door")

The book of Exodus describes the escape from Egypt of the Hebrews under the leadership of Moshe (Moses), who led them to the base of a mountain that was spewing smoke and fire (called, in modern parlance, a vol-ca-no). Moshe left the Hebrews at Base Camp (under the less-than-effective leadership of his brother Aaron), and ascended the volcano. All in all, Moshe made about a dozen trips up and down the rockface between chapters 19 and 34.

In chapter 19, Moshe came down from one of those climbing expeditions, and told the Hebrews that Yahveh had revealed to him a set of laws. Those laws were kept in Moshe's head, but not written or carved anywhere. You may recognize those laws as the "Ten Commandments," but there are actually 17 of them (those "thou shalt not covets" really add up!), and neither Yahveh nor Moshe call them "Commandments."

(Why did the Church call these 17 laws "Ten Commandments?" Maybe it had something to do with their inability to count past 10 without taking their shoes off. "Nine, ten, eighteen, fourteen....oh, hell, let's just say that there are ten of them." "Brilliant, your eminence!")

OK, back to Exodus...

As Moshe told the Hebrews about the laws that he had brought them, the volcano began to act up, and it scared the Hebrews badly. To placate the Hebrews, Moshe went back up the volcano and spent some time getting right with God. Moshe then returned to Base Camp, and told the huddled masses that Yahveh had given him some more laws (4 chapters worth, to be precise! That'll teach those Hebrews to be afraid of a little molten magma.) At this point, the poor Hebrews are bound by over 100 laws, but they have no written list of them. The Hebrews in the back may have heard something about "cheesemakers," but that is not recorded in the scripture.

After yet another trip up the hill, in which Yahveh taught Moshe how to make blood sacrifices, and some other jaunts for administrative purposes, Moshe finally presented the Hebrews with two stone tablets "written on front and back by the finger of God." The contents of those tablets are described later (and we will get there, bye and bye). Moshe saw the Hebrews worshipping a local agricultural/fertility god, lost his temper, and broke God's holy words into tiny bits. He also killed a bunch of people and made the rest drink a weird tea of ash, gold dust, and river water. One thing we can say about Moshe- the man had a temper.

Well, as you might expect, Moshe had to go back up the volcano and tell Yahveh that he had dashed God's own words onto the rocks, and he needed a new set. Yahveh, ever obliging, said "make two more stone tablets, and leave them. I'll get to them this evening, and carve the same laws into them as the ones you broke. Come back tomorrow."

The next day, Moshe went back to the summit, and Yahveh told him, "Take a letter, Moshe." (We may presume that Yahveh got busy, and didn't get around to the tablets the night before.) Yahveh talked and Moshe carved, a 40 day chore without benefit of coffee breaks (Ex 34:28).

We know these are the real commandments, because Exodus 34:11 puts these words in Yahveh's mouth: "Observe thou that which I am commanding thee this day", which is the first time that the word "command" is used in this story.

What are those REAL Commandments, written by Moshe onto the stone tablets that rested in the Ark of the Covenant?

1. Do not make friends with the people who live in the lands you travel through- instead, you must destroy their altars, their statues, and their sacred groves (are you paying attention, my Pagan friends?)

2. You shall worship no other god (which presumes that Yahveh knew that there were other gods to worship).

3. Don't make any contracts with foreigners. Foreigners are bad.

4. Don't marry foreign women, Foreign women are bad.

5. You shall not make any gods/idols of molten metal.

6. You must keep the feast of unleavened bread (Passover) once each year.

7. All firstborn males, human and animal, belong to Yahveh.

8. You shall work six days, and rest on the seventh.

9. You must observe the Shavout (Feast of Weeks, the early harvest festival- 7 weeks after Passover).

10. All Hebrew men must appear at the Temple three times each year.

11. You must not dilute sacrificial blood with water or oil (Yahveh demands 100% pure blood for his sacrifice.)

12. You must remove your Passover sacrifices before sunrise (wash the blood off the doorways).

13. You must provide the best fruits of your first harvest as a sacrifice (no seconds or generics).

14. Don't boil a baby goat in its own mother's milk (I know, it doesn't make sense to me, either).

These commandments were the Hebrews' part of the "covenant," a contract between Yahveh and the Hebrews. In exchange for the sacrifices and non-boiled goats, Yahveh promised to protect the Hebrews, give them their own homeland, and destroy all who opposed them. That was the extent of the "covenant", and it was only binding on the Hebrews.

As we know, that whole "covenant" thing didn't work out well for the Israelites. I wonder who boiled a goat in milk?

You may have noticed that the Real Commandments actually number 14, and not 10. The inescapable conclusion is that there is no such thing as "the Ten Commandments." Personally, I want to see "Mix not the Blood of your Sacrifice with Leaven" carved over the door of the Alabama Supreme Court. I suppose I'll be waiting longer than 40 days and 40 nights for that to happen.

(Bible source: Douay-Rheims Catholic Bible of 1899.)


The Pagan Preacher
I don't turn the other cheek.

It refers to any manufacturers of dairy products."



The Pagan Preacher
I don't turn the other cheek.

BTW, good post on the story of the "commandments."

It also shows, King Arthur was not the only historical figure who couldn't count (i.e., One, Two, Five... Three sir... Yes, Three.).

He could never remember if it was "the six wives of Henry VIII," or "the eight wives of Henry VI."

He had to look at the tag in his underwear to remember which Henry he was. Bugger all, anyway.


Call me Hanes, King of England!

The Pagan Preacher
I don't turn the other cheek.

You can't beat "History of the World - Part 1"

was an ancient religious practice of the Canaanites. This was why it was forbidden to the Jews.

http://www.bardo.org/ani/ch125_p2.html

O Far-strider, who comes forth from Heliopolis,
I have not done wrong.

O Embracer of Fire, who comes forth from Kher-Aha,
I have not committed violent robbery.

O Nose, who comes forth from Hermopolis,
I have not stolen.

O Eater of Shadows, who comes forth from Qernet,
I have not slain people.

O Stinking Face, who comes forth from Re-Staw,
I have not stolen offerings.

O Double Lion-God, who comes forth from the sky,
I have not pilfered.

O He whose Eyes Are As Fire, who comes forth from Sais,
I have not stolen the property of the god.

O Burner, who comes forth from behind,
I have not spoken lies.

O Breaker of Bones, who comes forth from Heliopolis,
I have not seized food.

O Commander of Flame, who comes forth from Memphis,
I have not cursed.

O God of the Cave, who comes forth from the west,
I have not committed fornication.

O He Whose Face Is Behind Him, who comes froth from his chamber,
I have not caused weeping.

O Bast, who comes forth from the sarcophagus,
I have not devoured my heart.

O Burning Feet, who comes forth from darkness,
I have not trespassed.

O Eater of Blood, who comes forth from the execution block,
I have not behaved wickedly.

O Eater of Intestines, who comes forth from the court of the thirty judges,
I have not robbed farmland.

O Lord of Truth, who comes forth from the hall of truth,
I have not eavesdropped.

O Wanderer, who comes forth from Bubastis,
I have not slandered.

O Sower, who comes forth from Heliopolis,
I have not been angry without cause.

O Evil of His Evil, who comes forth from the Busirites nome,
I have not made love with the wife of man.

O Serpent, who comes forth from the slaughterhouse,
I have not made love with the wife of man.

O He Who Sees What Has Been Brought, who comes forth from Panopolis,
I have not ejaculated.

O One Who Is Over the Great Ones, who comes forth from the tree,
I have not caused terror.

O Overthrower, who comes forth from Canopus,
I have not trespassed.

O Speaker Of Words, who comes forth from Werit,
I have not been hot with anger.

O Child, who comes forth from the nome of Heliopolis,
I have not been deaf to words of truth.

O Darkness, who comes forth from the Oasis of Khargah,
I have not spoken out.

O He Who Brings Peace, who comes forth from Sais,
I have not brought forth violence.

O Preparer of Voice, who comes forth from Wenist,
I have not disturbed the peace.

O Lord of Faces, who comes forth from Nedjeft,
I have not hastened my heart.

O Teacher, who comes forth from Weten,
I have not eavesdropped.

O Lord of Horns, who comes forth from Sais,
I have not made my voice numerous with words.

O Nefertem, who comes forth from Memphis,
I have not sinned, nor caused misery.

O Atum-Sepu, who comes forth from Busiris,
I have not spoken out against the king.

O He Who Acts According To His Heart, who comes forth from Atfih,
I have not held up water.

O Prince, who comes forth from the Celestial Ocean,
I have not raised up my voice.

O One Who Makes The People Flourish, who comes forth from Sais,
I have not spoken out against the god.

O Subjugater of the Ka, who comes forth from his chamber,
I have not exalted feebleness.

O Subjugater of Beauty, who comes forth from his chamber,
I have not stolen the bread of the gods.

O Holy of Head, who comes forth from the shrine,
I have not taken the sacrifical bread of the glorified spirits.

O Bringer of his Arm, who comes forth from the hall of truth,
I have not taken a child's bread, nor belittled the god of my town.

O White of Teeth, who comes forth from the Fayyum,
I have not slain the divine cattle.

It seems a bit more strict than the Ten Commandments. We seem to be paring them down over the Eons. Maybe one day, it will be down to "Be Nice."

that Mr Gibson and Co. derived the "Passion of the Christ" story from?

(BTW: Cheesemakers...LOL)

"Douay Rheims" is the official English translation of the Bible for Roman Catholics. I have the 1899 edition on my library shelf.

"Passion of the Christ" was based on The Dolorous Passion of our Lord, Jesus Christ, a series of 'visions' by Anna Katerina Emmerich, a sickly 19th century German nun.

She was bedridden between 1818 and 1824, and a fellow named Clemens von Brentano wrote down her accounts of those peculiar visions. They are significantly different from the gospel accounts. Brenatano published his versions of Sr. Anna's visions after her death.

The Church examined her case around the year 1900, and rejected her for beatification (which attaches the title "The Blessed" or "Blessed" before her name). However, last autumn Pope John Paul II beatified Anna Katerina Emmerich, which is generally the first step toward canonization.

The Pagan Preacher
I don't turn the other cheek.