Guardian: Australia, Dame Edna, suck on it and like it that England beat you at cricket

Suggestions on how to gloat:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/blog/2009/aug/24/england-ashes-victory-gloat-blog

The Ashes: 'Ponting, Dame Edna, Rolf Harris, can you hear me? Your boys took one hell of a beating'
England are rarely winners at cricket, so why not contribute some tips on how to make the most of 'Victory over Australia' day

Ahh, the sweet, sweet taste of victory. But let's be honest, it doesn't happen very often, does it. And if 2005's historic Ashes victory is anything to go by, we may not have that long to actually enjoy England's glorious success before it all goes up the swanny. England's complete annihilation by the rampant Aussies in the 2006 Ashes is a stark reminder that defeat, misery and self-loathing can lurk around the corner.

So how can you ensure you really do make the most of today?

Yesterday may have been about punching the air/hugging your granny/spilling your pint when Freddie smashed Ponting's off-stump to smithereens (as the Australian newspaper put it so poetically: "Flintoff went down on one knee and held his arms aloft as he jabbed another nail into Australia's Ashes coffin.") but today is all about the gloating.

As we are quite some distance from Australia, and the defeated Australian side will soon be heading home to face the disappointment of their compatriots, the only sensible option is to terrorise one's colleagues in a typically restrained, English way. Either that, or tell some really bad jokes. (Thanks to the Sun for their admirable contribution in this area. What's the Australian version of LBW? Lost, Beaten, Walloped. It's funny because it's true.)

For those of you unfortunate enough not to have Aussie colleagues, a trip to your nearest Walkabout pub at lunchtime or for a swift half after work is probably your best bet for finding a depressed Aussie at which to poke gentle, ironic fun. (For our US readers, you really needn't worry about all this nonsense, normal service will resume as soon as possible).

For those lucky enough to have Australian colleagues the options are limitless. Perhaps you may want to turn everything on your colleague's desk upside down in a friendly attempt to make them feel more at home? Or leave champagne corks on their desks, both a fitting cultural reference and reminder of last night's celebrations?