A personal question aimed mostly at the GB men here, although I'll take advice from the other LBT

portions here as well. :)

First off, I have to preface this by saying that not only do I have HORRIBLE gaydar, but I am just generally oblivious. I have had more than one instance where I had no clue someone was interested in me until that person grabbed me and started making out with me. I also had one instance recently where a cute guy gave me his phone number and email address, and it wasn't until two hours later that I realized, "Hey, he didn't want to talk to me about music. He wanted to get into my pants."

So my question is this: is there any way to find out if a guy is G or B without offending him? Because there is a really cute guy in one of my classes who I find fairly interesting, but I really can't get any orientation vibes off of him whatsoever. And when I say really cute, I mean REALLY cute. :P

:popcorn:

:)

BUT--since you asked!!11!!911! I was waiting. :D

My thought is, not so much if the other person is G,S or B, but what the vibes are.

They could be G,S or B, but just looking to be friends.

Or, they could be str8, but strangely attracted to you! ( and just need a nudge).

I usually go on the assumption of friendship first, it saves those awkward moments and also heartache.

But, some of my longest relationships were with people who had been str8, and yet... la amour!

It all depends on what the signals are, in terms of interest, eye contact, seeking you out, if it were me and I was not sure of their orientation to start with, I would probably wait for them to make the first move in terms of a social offer for some activity, like coffee, or meeting at the gym.

Why did you guys have to mention gym and the waistline??? WHY!!!??? Don't you know it's winter, it's ok to gain a few pounds...oh the guilt........but, I digress.

Either way good luck, be safe and let us know how it goes, you have now inherited a couple dozen gay aunts or uncles who love nothing more than a nice romance. ;)

:P

Yeah, I'm trying to avoid making any assumptions now... at the very least, I'll try to be on good terms with someone who's pleasant to look at. And at best, well, like I said below, I don't wanna go into too much detail and get this thread locked. :evilgrin:

Or, two good reasons. :evilgrin:

:9

Here's taking you at face value.

I would just ask him on a very non-threatening date. Like a cup of coffee or something. If he looks at you like you're insane, he's not gay. Or he just thinks you're not his type. Whatever. You know it ain't happening.

Otherwise, you get to have coffee and you can converse and find out more about him. You may make a friend . . . or a lover.

But I have to say, you're post kinda implies that gay guys just can't help but throw themselves at you. Do you really have to work at it that much?

I'm very much an introvert most of the time. Not that good around people. And I'm bi, the two that I mentioned who had to make out with me to get my attention were both girls.

In this case he's a bit of a fitness kinda guy, so maybe I'll just see if I can work out with him or something. Get some decent hanging out time, get to know him a little better. At the very worst, I'll be one step closer to getting myself back into shape and I'll have another friend to hang out with. At the best... well, don't wanna turn this into a sex thread. :P

Thanks. :)

Good luck. Who knows? If he caught your eye, possibly it's mutual. And if not, you can have some nice pecs. I'd say a win-win.

but I do need to work on my pecs. I spent three years doing heavy warehouse work, so I built up a lot of muscle. It's starting to atrophy 'cause I haven't been doing anything with it. And my pecs were the one muscle that didn't get a lot of work at that job anyway. :P When I first moved up north, I realized I could actually partake in some kind of winter sports so I started ice skating. Unfortunately I didn't have any free time to do it last semester. I managed to get my schedule set up this semester so that I have at least one day a week that I can skate though.

Hmm... maybe I can invite him along for that... :)

Don't even START on the belly with me.

Ugh.

I can say I have never in my life ice-skated. I'd be in traction before the day is out. Skiing, yes; ice skating, no.

Mostly because from the age of 6-26 I lived in FL. Not much opportunity for it there. :)

Alas, when I was still in high school I had one of those metabolisms where I could eat as much as I wanted and still stay ridiculously skinny. I actually looked a little funny, 'cause I'm very 'big-boned'. Broad shoulders and hips, big joints. So I looked all knobby. Then I filled out a little, was starting to look good... lookin' good..... then BAM. Acne. Worst you've ever seen. By the time it went away, so had the metabolism. D'oh.

I love nothing more than waking up at the cabin in the winter, gearing up and driving the 20 mins to Breckenridge to the slopes, then schussing down all morning until I'm too tired. It's magical. Really. The snow is like ground diamonds, the air is so cold you can taste it, the sun so bright it hurts. You get to the top of the lift and curve around and there's the slope just waiting for a soft slide down. Love it. Just nothing makes me feel more connected to life than skiing.

normally I don't like doing crazy dangerous stuff but this looked like fun. People have started ice skating... down luge/bobsled tracks. :wow:

I took one look and said, "That is insane. Dangerous. Stupid. And by the gods, I want to try it at least once."

Maybe trying a bobsled would be fun. I just can't imagine ice skating down one.

Back in my fundie days, I was on a summer project in Lake Placid, NY. We worked on building the luge run. I cannot imagine even riding down it.

but those only protect you from impacts, not from bad angle hits that break bones. :scared:

"Hey, watch this y'all!" :evilgrin:

But once or twice in my life I'm gonna have to throw caution to the wind and do something crazy. And this looks pretty damn crazy. :)

My most dangerous thing is looking up recalled peanut butter- on line- these days. :rofl:

:P

Usually just a series of hints and code words like non gender specific pronouns. Of course I am old , a different generation,but have found being straight foward is usually the best way. sometmes strate boys lead you on just for the adulation, I made a horrible mistake one time and kissed a strateboy who I was convinced wanted me. He almost died. Anyway I'd rather the weak ones fly away quickly. Good luck

that other people aren't. :) Maybe I'll just find some way to mention my orientation and see how he responds to that.

all should be made clear shortly there after.

And the awkwardness of going to class for the rest of the semester after that. :P

... it's tempting though...

take him out for drinks and ask him where he is.

seriously -- he may not be up for romance -- but there are a lot of othe options available.

when the radar isn't working -- one must go boldly forward.

I may have better social skills than a good portion of my geek crowd that I hang out with, but that ain't saying much. :(

Shout out from south-west of Rochester.

You'd probably be just as well taking my advice and doing the opposite--I too have been single waaaaaaaaaay too long. However, I would second what donco6 said. It can't hurt to simply ask, and as long as you're reasonably confident that he's cool about it and not likely to freak out, no harm done if he's not interested.

One other possibility would be to try and elicit something from him in conversation by making an offhand reference to your own sexuality. Even if he didn't volunteer his own orientation, his reaction to finding out about you might tell you something.

I'm pretty much straight to the south of Rochester.

Yeah, I can't think of many ways the conversation can go where I can mention that I like boys without it being random and out of the blue, but I can mention being involved in GLBT Pride Alliance or something like that. :)

Nice town, I've been around there. I'm about a half-hour from there, actually. Been to the campus (attended a couple of Dem events there, actually), strolled the main drag, bought a Tom Toles collection from the left-leaning bookstore. Been to Aunt Cookie's and the Big Tree Inn.

Of course if it turns out you're not from Geneseo, I just demonstrated a lot of useless information. :)

There's other ways to drop the hint too, like expressing the hots for both Brad and Angelina. Not saying that's the best, just noting that there's similar stuff that's kind of subtle. But the Pride Alliance thing is a winner too.

Going to MCC right now. :)

Actually I'm not sure where Geneseo is in relation to me. I've only lived here for about a year.

*edit* Ahah. Quick googling gave me a map there. It's a little to the southwest of me right now. I'd have to pass through the town I lived in when I was little to get there.

Geneseo, and the SUNY branch named after it, are about 15 miles down 390 south of Rochester. Liberal arts college mostly, but one that nicely keeps the town alive and doing well. Wish my little redneck town the next county over to the west had something similar.

So I'll have to choose whether to A) find a 4 year college, B) stay for a second degree at MCC or C) say 'screw it' and get out into the workforce again. Well, technically I'm still in the workforce since I'm basically working two jobs while going to school full time... but you know what I mean. :)

And it looks like Geneseo is the closest non-community college to me. I'm actually a little closer to Finger Lakes than MCC, but I had connections at MCC so I went there instead.

I'm wondering if I should have gone with Finger Lakes though, 'cause the music program at MCC is pretty lacking.

Geez, with the demands on your time it's a wonder you haven't just gone the tongue-thrusting route, and come what may. :)

I know Geneseo is pretty well regarded as a school, and they've got an active Dem outfit in the county if that appeals to you at all. They're also the venue of choice for a lot of political stuff that doesn't necessarily go straight into Buffalo or Rochester. I was there for a couple of Congressional debates. Like I said, mostly liberal arts, but they do other stuff too. Beyond that I don't know much about the school itself. Never went there other than for events, and even then my attention was split between the event and looking for cute college students. :p

Pretty much the only thing I know about FLCC is that they've got active Dems in Ontario County, and that FLCC grants same-sex marriage benefits to their people.

I'm a compulsive learner. Back in elementary school I'd read my textbooks the first week of class, then spend the rest of the year reading whatever I damn well wanted to. Hell, I kept doing that all the way through high school and still occasionally do it now that I'm back in college for the second time. Whenever someone has a random, bizarre or obscure question they come to me. Because I know all kinds of useless crap. I've lost count of the number of times I've said, "I'm a suppository of useless knowledge." And when someone tries to correct me, I say, "Yeah, I can pull all kinds of useless knowledge right outta my ass."

But it would be nice to learn some useful stuff too. :)

My brain is stuffed to the gills with things, some useful some not. But come on, dude, we're all human and need a little fun. ;)

it could be worse. :rofl: I couldn't resist when I saw this LOL cat. :P




BTW--that would be mois and the dawg door. :eyes:

:spray:

The real irony here... is that while we were assigning silly titles for people who hang out in our corner, I was voted the corner kitty. :P Mostly because I like being petted.

Go from there.

:)

Of course I can't think of 'You want a cup of coffee' without thinking of Eddie Izard's routine about that... "I like my coffee like I like my women... hot... with a spoon in them..." :P

It is certainly appropriate to find out if someone you are interested in is at least orientationally compatible. As long as you are not worried about a violent reaction that you can't subdue, ask him already. Gaydar can be unreliable.

I guess I'm just a l'il more chicken than I realized. :)

:) Then invite him over to watch "Spartacus."

'cause he kinda looks like a younger and prettier version of Robert Patrick... :P

:)

Despite never having seen the movie all the way through, it's pretty much impossible not to at least know a few lines from it. :)