(The rest of the story) The Omaha family of an 8-year-old is ready to let Ben be Katie

The first part of the story on DU here: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=221x131802

The rest of the story,




The correct path is not so clear to everyone.

The term Gender Identity Disorder itself is controversial, with advocates for transgender people arguing it’s natural diversity, not a disorder.
The advocates also say not all therapists making diagnoses are versed on nuances, including the distinction experts make between homosexuality and identifying with the opposite gender.

Science has not yet ruled about the degree to which biology influences gender identity.

Few medical specialists oversee hormone therapy in children with Gender Identity Disorder.

“We have not been able to find a pediatric endocrinologist who feels comfortable dealing with this issue,” Dr. Jennifer Larsen of the University of Nebraska Medical Center wrote in an e-mail. “Some of us do care for individuals who are transgender as adults. But the issues are quite controversial as kids.”

Furthermore, professionals who do treat children with the disorder are deeply divided.

Psychiatrist Paul McHugh, who closed the nation’s first sex-change clinic at Johns Hopkins University, called the medical treatment of transgender children child abuse.

And Canadian psychologist Kenneth Zucker says he has helped hundreds of youths return to the gender of their birth through behavior modification. Parents must remove clothes, toys and other items used to identify as the opposite gender.

Zucker says the children who continue to exhibit Gender Identity Disorder after this are in that small minority of transgender people.
Other psychologists balk at the idea a transgender person can or should be cured. Diane Ehrensaft is a California psychologist and author who says Zucker’s approach doesn’t work.

Children who end up accepting their birth gender were never transgender, she said. They might be gay or be more fluid in their definition of gender, but they do not hold the deep belief that they were born into the wrong bodies.

Such children, she said, when forced to conform to the gender of their anatomy, may hide the behavior. That can lead to anxiety, depression, acting out and, for some, substance abuse and suicide.

Ehrensaft wrote a book, “Spoiling Childhood: How Well-Meaning Parents Are Giving Children Too Much— But Not What They Need.” But she said there is no comparison between a child pushing for a later bedtime and a child insisting he is really a girl.

***
Last spring, toward the end of first grade, Ben pestered his mom and dad for a new name.

He hated that china plate on display in the dining room curio that listed his birth date and name, Benjamin James. Together, they came up with a new name: Mary Kathryn. Katie for short.

Katie at home, Ben at school.

Katie was Katie all summer, and his mother began buying girl clothes.

She also realized she and her husband needed help.

They rejected Zucker’s approach. “This does not go away, this is not a phase,” said Katie’s mom.

Instead, they enlisted Megan Smith, an Omaha therapist who works with transgender people. A licensed therapist with a master’s degree in counseling who initially was a social worker, Smith has counseled women in prostitution. A number were transgender— men passing as women.

Smith declined to comment on Katie’s situation, saying she would not discuss a client.

In general, she said she has heard a lot of sad stories from transgender adults. Many were rejected by families and kicked out of their homes. Bullied at school, they dropped out. They turned to prostitution to survive and drugs to cope.

“If the child is truly transgender,” Smith said, “it’s not going to go away.”

***
At most schools, the emphasis on gender is reflected in the same-sex lines of children walking down the hallway and the gender-specific restrooms, locker rooms and sports teams. Schools often are not equipped to deal with gender identity issues. The Omaha Public Schools try to discuss concerns, like restrooms, while honoring the family’s choice of gender for the child. Millard said it was a private family matter. Westside said it hadn’t dealt with any cases.

Teachers at St. Wenceslaus Catholic School appeared to take Ben in stride. They allowed him to use the nurse’s restroom. When his letter to his Kimball, Neb., pen pal said “I’m a boy-girl,” his first-grade teacher told him that was a little personal for the first letter and saved it for his parents. Last fall in gym class, a classmate told Ben he was a boy. Ben responded by spitting on the classmate.

Ben’s parents decided they had to move faster to transition Ben to Katie.

The church leaders, however, said Ben was welcome as Ben but not as Katie. This came just as Ben was telling his parents he would refuse to go to First Communion if he had to wear what he called a “tuxedo.”

His mother didn’t want to force Ben into a suit; nor did she want to spring “Katie” onBen’s classmates atMass.

She found the option of First Communion at Sacred Heart parish in north Omaha, where her family had worshipped with Katie as Katie.

But when the mother took the case of Ben’s transition to Katie in third grade to the chancellor for the Archdiocese of Omaha, the Rev. Joseph Taphorn, he said no. In a recent interview, he explained the decision. From the church’s perspective, Taphorn said, one is either male or femaleand can’t change.
He added: “It’s not fair to other children or families to introduce this question and this issue that is obviously a very real and serious one.”

Educated in Omaha’s Catholic schools, Katie’s mom was hurt and upset. She asked friends by e-mail to show their support by putting empty envelopes in the collection plate.

Later, she said she didn’t want to hurt the school, but wanted to spark discussion.

Katie’s mom decided to end the school year a week early. “Katie’s waited long enough to be Katie,” she said. The child will enter third grade at a public school in fall.

On Mother’s Day, Katie was oblivious to all the grown-up turmoil. She showed up at her grandmother’s suburban home wearing a turquoise tank top with a sparkly star, and jeans that had the cuffs dotted with faux jewels.

She played in the basement with her 5-year-old brother. She sat on her mom’s lap to nuzzle.

Her thick, sandy brown hair now is past her chin. Blue clips pin back the short parts.

Dancing into the kitchen to color a picture, her voice and manner were so girl, it would be difficult to tell she was a boy.
***
Puberty, of course, could change that.

Unless Katie decides to be Ben before age 11 or 12, her parents will try to get her on puberty blockers.

The blockers, the first stage of medical intervention, delay puberty. A boy on blockers won’t get his Adam’s apple. A girl won’t get her period. If the blockers are stopped, the child proceeds with puberty.

If not, the child proceeds to take cross-hormones. Boys develop female characteristics, including breasts. Girls gain deeper voices and facial hair.
Most of the transgender patients Dr. Carol Milazzo treats in the Sacramento, Calif., area show more than physical change.

“When I first see them,” the former Omaha pediatrician said, “they are very introverted, very insecure, and then they come out of their shell. They just blossom tremendously in social skills and, generally, happiness.”

Milazzo’s clinic has treated about 150 transgender patients, some as young as 10. The youngest prescribed cross-hormones was 15. They come from as far as 500 miles away.

***
The Omaha parents constantly ask themselves: Are we doing the right thing?

Then they think about how their middle child loved to play with Polly Pocket dolls, still is a Hannah Montana fan and often strikes a pose with hand on hip.

And how Katie is unequivocal when choosing girl clothes.

For Katie right now, there is no uncertainty.

Several days ago, a present arrived in the mail.

Her grandmother had ordered a replacement plate for the curio. Overjoyed, Katie took the old Benjamin James plate and wrapped it in three plastic sacks.

She threw it with all her might, shattering it to pieces. In its place, on display in the dining
room, a new china plate reads: Mary
Kathryn.
Katie.

■ Contact the writer: 444-1136, erin.grace@owh.com

That this child is being allowed to "be" is an incredible gift.

What a great family. :)

Thank you for posting. :grouphug:

The ending made me giggle. What a nice symbolic gesture. :)

:hug: :grouphug: Best wishes to Katie and her family.

has adults who are prepared to take the child seriously and nurture the Self whatever that may eventually prove to be. Wow!

I'm sorry, was that a poor word choice for this thread? He was one of my younger brother's best friends in grade school.

Helping their child be who she really is would always be the right thing. May they be truly blessed, and may anyone who stands in their way meet the clue-by-four. Katie is obviously doing better as Katie, and that's what counts.

I needed something that made me feel good today. Gods bless Katie and her awesome family.

It really, really makes me angry when people say that children should be "protected" from GLBT issues. No, children are living with the reality every day. The last thing they need is ignorance and isolation. They need education and support, and they need for the people around them to get educated too.