Despite suicidal thoughts, Oneonta lax captain Andrew McIntosh found his way out of the closet.

I had just finished my junior-year lacrosse season at Oneonta State University in New York when word came that I was going to be a captain of my team for the 2010 season. I was excited. I was honored. I was depressed.

At home I reflected on my life: How will people remember me after I take this bottle of pills so I can just die and no one will ever know I ‘m gay? I could see my funeral being played out: The images brought me to tears as I watched my father, brother and former teammates as pallbearers, all of them wondering why I decided to end my life. “How could Andrew do this to himself? He had it all.”

I had experienced no lonelier point in my life. I felt no one could understand my feelings. Who the hell is gay and plays sports, especially lacrosse?

I remembered the first time I tried to kill myself, after I lost a football game in high school. I thought I should have just hanged myself then and I wouldn’t be dealing with any of these problems…Why I am in love with my best friend Mike?...Why don’t I love some girl like the rest of my friends?...Why couldn’t I just be like everyone else?

http://www.outsports.com/os/index.php/component/content/article/54-coming-out-stories-that-have-appeared-on-outsports/299-college-lacrosse-player-comes-out-to-his-team

Maybe it was just the shenanigans in the shower....