Question for a Black and Gay person

Having observed the Grey's Anatomy off-screen saga, I have a question. Let me preface this with the fact that I am white and straight and very sincere in this question (i.e my ignorance). Are the f-word and n-word equally offensive to you? I know both are offensive, but to me- in my environment, it seems that the n-word is...I don't know...harsher? That is, I don't use either word in conversation, but to use the n-word FEELS racist, while using the f-word depends on context; i.e. it can be hurtful if used to verbally attack someone or it can simply be a synonym for gay. It's how I have heard these words used by people. Just curious, and really, I apologize if this question is really stupid for this forum, but I am sincere in my lack of understanding.

not used hurtfully? I know the word Queer has been taken back by some but f-word is still hateful. Plus it's still ok to hate gays in America.

:hug:

I had a gay friend who told me how hurtful it was when his straight brother called him (in anger) a fag. But, my friend also used the word casually to describe an effeminate gay (he was one too). Like "Oh, he's such a fag"... so "he" is flaming.

Honestly, I've used the word in this context when talking to my husband. While I understand it's not a complement, I NEVER meant it as an expletive. I simply meant it as a "he's a really flaming gay guy...not straight acting". Funny. queer seems more offensive to my ears. Shows how much I know. (Except for the childhood game "Smear the queer". When I played it I had no idea about the real context. Queer meant something odd; hell still does to me, but I know better not to use it.)

Most gays and others deemed gay have been tormented in school by being called "fag". I'm sure my SO and I have said it to each other at times. I guess it depends on the context and the people who use it. In private between friends it doesn't offend, in public, by strangers it does. We used to laugh at the people who would come in to the gay chat room to insult us by calling us "fagits". The idiots couldn't even spell it correctly.

I remember when I was about 12 and my father said to me, "What are ya, Queer?" It was hateful but today it doesn't bother me anyone. Maybe someone from the 40's or 50's might be more offended by that word.

so, would you say "he's such a nigger" to your husband? Even if there's no one else around? Words are offensive, and it doesn't matter if you're in private when you say them!

Americans - I've always wondered if others found it offensive, but based on record and concert ticket sales, I would guess not.

Perhaps ownership of the word gives liberties to use it in ways that people outside of the group aren't entitled to. I use fag, homo and queer all the time without any intent to offend another, but can't stand the N-word. If I were black, I might feel differently, but from the outside looking in - it's offensive to me (or at least I think it would be offensive to others).

and if you use the word 'faggot' as simply a synonym for 'gay' you are heading for trouble . I am not qualified to answer the OP ,but F-g-t is always offensive.

But I think that because gays are still deemed okay to discriminate against and attack, that the uproar against Isiah Washington has been relatively minor. Had the situation been reversed, and someone had referred to him as a nigger heads would have rolled. So, in society I think the n word is considered harsher and more offensive, but in reality both words are horrible, and shouldn't really be used in any capacity. IMO.

the one word I really can't stand is "faggot." Maybe it's the way the homophobes seem to spit that word out of their gaping mouths; I dunno. Like someone else said, as a kid I was tormented with that word, so maybe that's why I hate it. To me it seems much more spiteful and mean than "queer." "Queer" has been reclaimed, I guess, and I don't find it offensive at all. I'm sure that a lot of older gay men don't like it, since "queer" was used as an insult for so many years. Also, I don't think that ANY word can compare to "nigger." We all shudder in disgust when we hear that one.

The word "faggot" is tossed around a lot more than the "N" word. Like, as in on a football field after a dropped pass, "Don't be such a fag!" OTOH, I have never heard a white person use the "n" word unless they actually were racist.

The problem is that people almost universally consider 'nigger' (I have a hard time even typing it) incredibly offensive, but don't think twice about "faggot." Also, it is known to be absolutely unacceptable to use the N word in the company of an African-American, but you can't make the same judgment about "faggot," since homosexuality is often hidden. There are numerous times when people I casually knew used "faggot" in conversation, but I can't make a big deal about it without revealing my orientation (which I do, but it's just a pain to have to do it every time...).

Where did the f word come from? Did you all know that faggots is a dish? I happened upon this recipe when looking for foods high iron.

Faggots with onion gravy

Makes 4-6
Preparation time 1-2 hours
Cooking time 30 mins to 1 hour


Ingredients
25g/1oz unsalted butter
1 medium onion, peeled and finely chopped
175g/6oz minced pigs' liver
2 lamb or pigs' heart, trimmed and cut into chunks
450g/1lb belly of pork, trimmed and rind removed
½ tsp mace
4tbsp freshly chopped chives
1 tsp freshly chopped sage
1 egg, beaten
salt and freshly ground pepper
115g/4oz fresh white bread crumbs
25g/1oz beef dripping or 3 tbsp olive oil

For the gravy
4 red onions, peeled and each onion cut into 8 wedges
4 sprigs of fresh thyme
1 tbsp olive oil
900ml/1½pt fresh beef stock
290ml/½ pint red wine
salt and freshly ground black pepper
http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/database/faggotswithoniongrav_3899.shtml

I don't know the history of how N-word was changed. But its pretty obvious black people took back the word that was used against them. Not all that long ago , the N-word was used to degrade and discriminate against them. But now other people can't use it without being a monster. They own it, they own the rights to use the word and no one else.

The same can be done to the F-word. Maybe all it takes is confronting people who use it, even in a context that feels 'safe'. If it is wrong, its wrong. We can take back the word, make it ours. So that it can no longer be used to harm us.

I think both words are offensive. Just because you are a member of a group of people those words are normally directed at doesn't make it right. I whince when I hear a black person use the n word, and the same for a gay person using the f word. Even if in jest, it just perpetuates hate and bigotry.

We only have one world, and we're all in it together. We must have respect for other people, animals, and things. There are no other options available to us at this time, unless Bush gets that Mars thing up and running really fast.