Newsweek: One Son's Choice: Love or Country?

My Turn: One Son's Choice: Love or Country?

By Nadine Chaffee
Newsweek

Feb. 5, 2007 issue - My son Cameron is a model American citizen. He is a hardworking, tax-paying, law-abiding young man. An honor student, a National Merit Scholar, a dean's list mainstay. He is liked by his teachers, co-workers and bosses; he's kind to cats, dogs and little old ladies. He is an environmental engineer because he believes we need to save our planet. He is wildly in love with the first and only person he ever dated and their monogamous relationship is an example of what it means to be soulmates. Except for a brief interlude with hideous pink hair, he has led an exemplary life. My son will be an asset to his employer, his community and his country, but unfortunately for us, his country will not be the United States. Cameron is moving to Canada. As soon as he graduates from school, he says, he is packing his bags and leaving.

Why is my son compelled to leave the only country he has ever known? Cameron is leaving because he is gay and because he wants what heterosexual American citizens take for granted. He wants to marry the one person in the world who makes him happier than anyone else. He wants to be able to go to the hospital when his partner, Aaron, is sick and have the same decision-making rights that heterosexual couples have as soon as they say "I do." He wants to be able to take advantage of family health-insurance rates that Aaron's company offers to all its heterosexual married couples but not to domestic partnership couples. He wants the tax breaks that heterosexual married couples get and the ability to inherit shared assets without paying taxes. He simply wants what he cannot have in this country.

According to our federal government's General Accounting Office, there are more than 1,000 automatic federal and state protections, benefits and responsibilities that accompany civil marriage, and Cameron and Aaron are not eligible for any of them. This country that he loves so much is saying more and more loudly, in state after state, that he is not worthy of all the rights and privileges that heterosexual citizens assume. Because of that he has decided that he doesn't want to live in a country that makes him feel like a second-class citizen.

(snip)

In contrast to the United States, Canada has legalized same-sex marriage and has gay-friendly immigration laws. Though it breaks my heart to lose my son, I can't argue with his choice to move to a country where he will be able to enjoy the full rights of citizenship.

(snip)

In a matter of years Cameron will be gone. He is moving to a country where he will have the same civil rights that heterosexual couples enjoy, a country that will benefit from his immense talent and skill, a country that does want him no matter whom he wants to marry. We are close, and we will find a way to stay close, but it will not be the same easy back and forth we have now. Distance and borders will make it harder. I will miss him terribly, but it is not just me who will suffer. We will all be the poorer for his moving and the reasons that drove him.

Chaffee lives in Boise, Idaho.

URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16840018/site/newsweek/

Thank you for posting that. Wow...

better known for the home of right wingers and extremists

My partner and I have been wrestling with the same choice for the last couple of years. Still no final decision but we are leaning toward making a new life for ourselves up North.

BTW, from the tone and content of the article it sounds like Cameron has a great mom. Hope he appreciates her.

Nobody should ever be forced to make the choice Cameron was. :grr:

All GLBT Americans should have a mother like this one, she sounds like a wonderful person. And we owe it to her to continue working every day and in every way, no matter how big or small, to ensure that Cameron's move will not be a permanent one.

I miss my Mom.