Problem of classification

It seems that there are discrete divisions out there that pertain to who someone wants to have intercourse with , and is immensely confusing to me .

The reason am going on this train of thought is because I was confronted by my ex-wife today and told I was actually gay ? That when I met one of her gay friends he told her that he was sure 90% I was gay . Oh my , I never knew !!!!!


She claims that the main reason for my severe depression and bouts of fatigue are that I am refusing to confront that aspect of my self.

I don't buy it , I may me an effeminate man , but you can be effeminate and still straight ? can't you ?

I remember when I was a kid , I would get very ashamed and blush if my father or mother walked in on me while I had no shirt on and my chest was bare , once my father got very angry at me and screamed in my face : "A MAN does not cover cover his chest !" when I instinctively tried to cover myself.

Until I fell in love I never wanted to have sex , as I reached puberty I started to find women sexy , but I was always disgusted by the vagina . To me a however scantily clothed woman with a beautiful face , nice sculpted luscious legs and feminine form seemed more attractive than the same woman totally naked , something just disgusts me about the vagina.

I was honest with my ex wife , and told her EVERYTHING before marriage , but she was young and naive like me and she agreed to marry me anyways . The first 2 years where ok , we would have sex with imaginative foreplay so that I don't have to think about her vagina . We did it once a month which was not enough with her , she was misrable.

Then I started not being able to get it up at all ,even while masturbating. Two years ago our marriage ended , and I haven't recovered since , not have I touched a woman.

The problem is , I am NOT attracted to men at all.

Maybe I am asexual , but sometimes I get aroused when I see a sexy woman . Nevertheless I never had an erection since 2004.

I am very confused , and depressed , and I just don't know what I am.

What I know is that I am neither Homosexual or Hetro ... I am a freak.

:cry:

You may have a low sex drive. I am not an expert, but you must not call yourself a freak because you and your ex-wife were not able to remain married.

I recommend ruling out organic problems first: see a physician. See what the Doc says, then if appropriate, see a Psychiatrist and therapist if you want to explore more. Perhaps a sex-therapist.

Labeling yourself "a freak" is harmful to your psyche.

My brother-in-law is very feminine and VERY heterosexual. We have been friends since childhood. I am gay and never harassed. He is called names in public all the time. My sister loves him.

I have known 3 asexual people in my life. They were happy. Many humans are disgusted by sex. If it bothers them they should seek help.

I am so sorry for your seeming despair.

Trust me. Have at least three drinks while you're there. :P

it's not very funny to me either.

Ugh. Here we go again.

My tranny friends love to see people like the OP in their bars. Hot, fresh meat :P

Or, wait, actually I think you do. Asinine.

I have several tranny friends. None of them are in the slightest offended with that term. In fact, that's the term they use among themselves. Frankly, I'm not impressed with your fake insulted attitude.

does NOT give you license to use that word the way you do. But it's clear to me that none of this explanation means squat to you. You will desperately hang on to your right to demean and insult others and laugh at anyone trying to educate you.

*plonk*

I wonder if they accuse their wives of "faux outrage" when they're upset.

Not bullshit PC crap from people who aren't even involved with trannys. Taking offense when none is intended is simply an attempt at control. Fuck that crap. I'll show this to my tranny friends and send you their responses, if I don't put you on ignore first. :)

what they call you behind your back then.

I am obviously seeing "Ignored" for a reason.

Be glad you missed it. :puke:

don't set people on fire just because you can.

namaste

about his life and you offer this:

"Go to a tranny bar and get over it in about two hours
Trust me. Have at least three drinks while you're there."

No matter that this is a message board, and no matter if you were trying to be funny I think you're way off the mark here. I'm really pleased to see the majority of posters on this thread were more respectful and kindhearted.

:wtf:

Come on. You aren't flying under the radar enough for me. My BS detector just went off big time.

Is maybe the OP would find the female form attractive on a effeminate male and should try going to the local drag show lounge. Have a few cocktails and possibly befriend of one of the gender dysphoric patrons that are known to frequent such an establishment...?

lol

Assuming the issue is not biological, counseling might help to uncover who you are. Some people have low sex drives, and that's ok. You might be gay, you might be straight, you might be bi. Either way, as long as you're happy, it doesn't really matter.

If you're unhappy, maybe working with someone to sort it all out so you have a clearer understanding of how your body and mind work might be a road worth exploring?

I agree counseling could help, but pls make sure to check the creds of the counsellor, and that you personally, truly feel the person could help you -- they have to have knowledge, insight, brains, and genuine concern. If you don't find all of that and feel good about them, keep looking.

I don't believe any of us are 100% one thing or the other -- there are not only degrees, but also branches.

You were brave enough to be honest with your ex-wife about your feelings, so I believe you can be brave enough to figure out what's best for you.

Congratulations. Like the I Ching says, perseverence furthers.

You are a person just as worthy of happiness in your life as anyone else. I only hope you don't expect too much in the way of finding answers to these deeply personal and extremely complex issues you are processing here. If you just felt like you need to vent, feel free. You are among friends here who should have no need to classify you in anyway that you don't classify yourself.

>>It seems that there are discrete divisions out there that pertain to who someone wants to have intercourse with , and is immensely confusing to me .>>>


.... seem to have occured to people in antiquity or even pre-industrial revolution or even in present day non-industrial cultures. In other words, don't beat yourself up because you can't/don't conform to this particular modern construct or mythology.


>>>I don't buy it , I may me an effeminate man , but you can be effeminate and still straight ? can't you ? >>>

Absolutely.

>>>I am very confused , and depressed , and I just don't know what I am.>>>

You are what you are. We humans are full of quirks and twists and turns. We're all idiosyncratic in different ways. You sound like a more complex constellation than most; but it's really just a difference of degree.

To echo the advice above... explore the medical and therapy/counseling routes.... to get yourself to a better place. Can't hurt. ( If it does, quit.) Might help.

Hope this helps.... at least a little.

I echo the above sentiments about getting a check up and counseling if you want to really understand. Sex is not what should define any of us, at least in my thinking. It is part of our lives, a large and pleasant part but it is not all of us.

I know several asexual people who are wonderful, talented and giving. They are smart and productive and good citizens. They are good friends. Mostly though, they are happy. They have learned to accept who they are but they did not do it without help. Society asks us all to conform. Those of us who can not or will not always find it more difficult to get to that place where we can accept ourselves.

From my perspective as a kid who grew up in a terrible environment I can say that therapy changed my life. You may not have grown up like I did but it is possible that you have conflicts because of some of your family experiences as you stated in your OP. Check it out. You will then be free to be who you are or even who you decide to be and you will be OK.

You are not a freak.

counseling and therapy -- it certainly doesn't make you a freak because you may need some help. Some problems can't be solved by message boards, and I think this is one of them.

Yes, there are heterosexual men who are a bit effeminate or "girlish." But just in case you might be gay don't be ashamed of it. That will only make things worse.

However, on the assumption that you're not gay, being repulsed by a vagina is a bit of a problem. Even gay guys (like me) may be disinterested in vaginas but that doesn't mean we're necessarily repulsed.
Some people think asexuality is a perfectly natural and normal condition. I don't. I believe a complete disinterest in sex is generally caused by extreme depression, Yes, a person can be happy it for some reason he just isn't "gettin' any" anymore -- there's more to life than sex -- but if someone willingly chooses to do without it it can be an indication of a deeper problem

Don't be depressed. You're not in any way, shape or form a freak. If some people think you're gay because of a certain style you have, or whatever, try to deal with it in a humorous way and don't let it get to you.

Talk to somebody about this. It will help you deal with it, and help ensure that you have a happy future.

All the best.

and maybe you are one of those. As long as you are happy, don't hurt others, and love yourself, then you will have nothing to be ashamed of. I wish you the best and do suggest you find a good, trustworthy therapist.

If you can find a copy of Gavin Arthur's "Circle of Sex" it explains the continuum of our sexuality. Very entertaining and informative. Tell wifey to go fuck her gay friend, and him to fuck himself.

you may be asexual. you may be straight. you may be something else entirely

but you DEFINITELY should see a therapist.

you are dealing with a lot of issues and untrained folks like us are just going to project our own issues on to you...get professional helps so that you can feel better

asking for professional help.

i think it very likely that a therapist and a sex therapist would not be out of line.

you sound sweet and adorable and have a right to a good life with a good partner.

go do the things that can give you those things.