How to brew beer in a coffee maker....

...using only materials commonly found on a modestly sized oceanographic research vessel.

by Southern Fried Scientist

Introduction

Beer brewing is as much an art as a science. Finding the right blend of delicate grains, hops, malt, adding just the right flavoring agents, boiling for exactly enough time to release the tannins, starches, humic acids from you wort, these are all skills that take a lifetime to master. Perfect beer is meticulously planned and carefully crafted.

Screw that.
You’re six days into a 2 month expedition, and if you were lucky enough to not be on a dry ship, it’s de facto dry by now anyway. You’re eying the ethanol stores, the crew is eying each other, and all hell will break loose if y’all don’t get some sweet water soon. This is no time for artistry.

This is not, as a rule, a terribly good beer (though, with a good brewmaster on board, it can be). This is a beer to pass the time. I can guarantee that if you are careful, it will be at least as good as the cheapest commercial alternative.

more:
http://southernfriedscience.com/2009/04/26/how-to-brew-beer-in-a-coffee-maker-using-only-materials-commonly-found-on-a-modestly-sized-oceanographic-research-vessel/

A plastic garbage pail is much better.

The initial fermentation takes a couple of weeks. When the foam subsides, you'll have a skunky, flat, but drinkable brew that will get you there.

If you want a carbonated brew, you'll need plastic tubing, bottles, caps, and a capper. You'll rack the juice from the pails into the bottles and add a scant quarter teaspoon or so of dextrose. Plain sugar will work, but give the brew a cidery taste. Then cap and wait at least 2 weeks, 4 being better.

Most people in dry areas far from bars just use the plastic trash pail and drink the skunky stuff as soon as the layer of nasty foam is gone.

The truly desperate can make a brew from any carbohydrate and bread yeast.

The product will be safer and much more fun.

It turns out the liquid in the ship's compass is ethanol, 200 Proof, undenatured.

They ordered enough Alcohol to redo every compass in the Navy, in 5 gallon cans.

Our division was lucky too. One of our classified spaces had a hatch that led into Dry Stores, like fruit cocktail, juices, peanut butter, jam and all of the other goodies.

I got caught in Germany, when the Captain was giving a German Admiral a tour. He pulled the covers off my Torpedo tubes to show him the warhead end and cans of peanut butter and fruit cocktail went scattering over the deck. He was pissed. The Admiral thought it was hilarious. He had been a U-Boat captain in WWII and stated that it was exactly the type of thing his men would have done. It really broke the ice.

thanks for the larf!

I never did hear any more about the incident.