Charmers and Con Artists and Their Flip Side...

My EX-Abuser was a "Charmer". He chronically exhibited in his behavior most EVERY BULLET point characteristic listed at the link below for "Charmers" - almost without exception - including and especially discrediting his accusers when confronted with his abuse. He even tried to blame the COUNSELORS - AFTER his attempts to charm them didn't work! The ONE EXCEPTION? He NEVER, EVER apologized. NO MATTER what he'd done or said or what the situation was, he NEVER apologized. Because in HIS opinion, he never did or said anything wrong!

These guys will initially come off as the nicest, most considerate, attentive, generous, caring guy you've ever met. They'll sweep you off your feet - and then...once they got ya "hoovered" in - things CHANGE - gradually they change - until you are daily getting a barrage of criticism, put-downs, name-calling, public and private humiliation, sudden personality changes (they can't USE PMS as an excuse), crazymaking, constant belittlement and when confronted - the most logistically impossible excuses and blame (YOU) for it all. I mean these guys are a PIECE of work! They are above all, narcissists and the most marked characteristic is a COMPLETE absence of empathy for their partner - in stark contrast to how they appeared during the 'romance' stage of your relationship (THAT was only a mask). Beware the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde personality of a Charmer. The "Iron fist in a velvet glove" type. And all that 'generosity'? THE BILL WILL COME due, mydear - in SPADES.

Here are a few characteristics, and there are MORE at the link, along with descriptions for "Con Artists":

Charmers and Con Artists
by Sandra Scott

In her book, Charmers & Con Artists & Their Flip Side , author Sandra Scott identifies the following characteristics:

Charmers . . .

* are often described as "the nicest guy you could ever know," but in relationships they are very controlling, self-serving, and irresponsible.
* seldom agree to therapy. They don't see a problem with themselves so why should they change? If they go to therapy, they try to charm the therapist.
* look good on the outside, but an ulterior motive lurks on the inside
* see themselves as victims rather than those they hurt
* believe they are special and entitled to special behavior; rules that apply to others do not apply to them
* have their own brand of logic and an excuse for everything
* appear to be very giving, but there is always a price to pay for their attention
* can apologize easily, but there is no true repentance
* don't feel love or guilt deeply, tend to minimize the pain of those they have hurt
* discredit their accusers when they are confronted
* cope by making themselves the hero in the worst situations
* are very clever, and often able to keep from being caught
* have extreme shifts in personality, may be kind and sarcastic in the same instant
* are very needy, and blame others for not being able to meet their needs

MUCH MORE at link:

http://www.troubledwith.com/AbuseandAddiction/A000000679.cfm?topic=abuse%20and%20addiction%3a%20physical%20and%20verbal%20abuse

Sounds just like my ex-wife. Never marry a cop. Also, see Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Affects both genders.

...women aren't exempt from such behavior either. I've seen some pretty abused men too. Had their careers ruined by their narc partners.