Really having a rough time lately

I am having a very difficult time at my job. I work so hard trying to get it right. I don't know that I have put this much effort into something with so little success or progress. I take one step forward and three steps back. I find I am not even liking what I do (nursing) and am not looking forward to doing this in the months to come. Instead of feeling anticipation when I look at my schedule --seeing the names and excitement at the thought of what we will work on etc. I feel dismay and stress. I thought I wanted this badly and now I am frustrated with my inability to work it out. It is not getting easier like it should with practice, concentration, time and hard work. I just am exhausted and have now come down with a horrible bug.

I realize I have to make a change but to what? That is what is really immobilizing me. I thought that I would have made some progress since August of 2007 when I quit my job d/t being so burnt out. I wonder sometimes if I am a bad person for not wanting to take care of sick people anymore. I don't know what direction to put my efforts. I know that while I can continue to work as a nurse part time, I don't really care to invest myself into the profession any more than that-- I need to go in a different direction. Right now, the jobs are in health care so I am somewhat stuck there. I really hate being stuck. The energies and pressure exerted in the opposition between Saturn and Uranus are really pissing me off.

I am so over Saturn in Virgo, I tell you. Can't wait for the switcheroo. (10/29, right?) Huzzah.

you are emotionally drained. That's why you don't have anything to give the patients. You've got to find a way to nourish yourself. No one can give when they are wiped out. Can you think of anything not related to work that you can do to feed your inner self? Yoga? Dance lessons? A book club? Art class?

You simply can't care for others until you care for yourself first. I'm stunned that you're expected to report to work sick. What the hell kind of hospital wants a staff spreading more illness around?

The US for-profit and only-for-profit healthcare system is horribly, horribly broken. And not just for patients.

I've read how the nurses are treated over in the health forum. Hospitals are terribly understaffed and the delivery staff are horribly overworked. Executives/BOD treat delivery staff like "resource units" not human beings. While they're staying home during blizzards and evacuating for hurricanes, you're locked in at the hospital and forced to work.

Only now it's worse -- workers are "disposable resource units."

I'm halfway through Med Lab Tech school and have pretty much decided to drop out at the end of this semester. We were lied to coming in, we are being jerked around now in every way possible, in an attempt to get us into a "debt trap" and make us slaves for life.

Of course you hate being stuck. Can you do the nursing part time temporarily, while you get the rest you need and then start your search a more nourishing career?

but still have the guilt for being ill instilled in me when I was a new nurse, working at the hospital. The hospital rule was after 24 hrs on antibiotics show up and wear a mask. Never ever call in on a weekend (cause for discipline if done more than once).

I just feel guilty because someone else has to pick up my patients on the day I'm out and work short. My job has a policy in which you are disciplined for 6 episodes of calling in sick (one episode can last a few days) in a year or 6 months (can't remember correctly). People do call in a lot at my workplace mostly because it is hard to get time off (submissions 8 weeks in advance are advised) and easy to get behind in paperwork so I think they call in so they can catch up or they are just tired.

I don't have anything against my patients. Most are not really "sick" -- they just have chronic disease (congestive heart failure, COPD, diabetes, peripheral vascular disease, chronic wounds, Parkinson's disease, MS etc.) and my job is to educate, encourage to adhere to the therapeutic regimen to stay out of the hospital and prevent getting sick. It's frustrating because sometimes they don't want to take care of themselves and see me in an adversarial role. Other issues are people who are long term care and just end up not having adequate support of which I may easily end up on the hook for (aide doesn't show up--who does the bath and the aide's job? guess--and then I am still required to meet my productivity for the day. It is very easy to get behind. It is not the visits per se, the data entry is tremendous and we are still expected to stay on top of all the meds (half the time we have no idea something has been changed-- doctors offices don't communicate because they are so busy) So there is a lot of phone calling dr offices, pharmacies and faxing as a last resort. Dr. offices and pharmacies tend to put you on hold a long time. So it really is not the patient, it is everything around them. I come home exhausted and drained, usually after putting in extra time and having no lunch break.

It is time consuming and tedius-- the paperwork, etc. We are chastened daily that something was not filed, signed out, returned etc. appropriately. The admissions have been coming in without consideration as to the workload. I see how the administrative and managerial staff treat the longstanding employees. I don't think I want to end up being similarly abused. My second week there I saw my senior case manager break down in tears d/t the pressure. This is before our team lost 2 nurses. One left d/t stress, she had a cerebral bleed a number of months ago and her Dr. told her to go half time but the PTB said they could not be flexible. Another left to work in a prison. Yes. She clearly preferred to work in a County Prison rather than our company.

I've read your posts and you have certainly been jumping through hoops for your program and not gotten very much for the efforts. Why does it have to be so difficult?

Since healthcare reform is the agenda, I would definitely write your representatives. I would make a list of improvements I can think of which would make all of you happier, please make it and send it to congress.
Regardless of whether you will change your profession, you will have provided the lawmakers something to think and act about.

I have seen the workload dumped onto the nurses firsthand ...

I will send you positive light...

:grouphug:

I'm sending light your way. :hug:

and like you got burnt out.
So she opened a business where she helped nursing homes and hospitals get nurses to come and fill in etc when their staff is short-handed etc.
She is now her own boss, bought a new house and is doing well.
There are many other things as well..such as perhaps becoming a traveling/home nurse so that instead of taking care of 50 different people you have just a select few that you chose.
There are no limits...but for you to find your path there must be two things.
The first thing is you must look for what will please you and make you feel worthy and satisfied at the end of the day. To say it another way...you need to find your bliss.
and the second is to look within yourself for your answers. You are the master..awaken and look to yourself for the answers instead of outside. You already know what you like better than anyone else on the planet.
I wish you all the luck and joy of your journey that life can give you.

are very, very difficult right now, and, I hate to tell you, are with us until NEXT AUGUST.
Kripes. The reason it's been so amplified recently (besides Mercury Rx sucking) is that the Sun just crossed over Saturn, amplifying it. I believe Saturn will not only go into Libra in late Oct, but that it will reenter Virgo again APRIL THRU JULY of 2010. It's gonna be rough, but we have to be rougher.

I contend that one BIG reason it's so hard is that Saturn is really resistant in Virgo. I don't have your chart on file, however.
I wish you ease and better luck.

It doesn't bode well with the placements I have-- my natal Saturn (in 15 Pisces) is opposite within a degree or two both Pluto and Uranus (13 and 14 Virgo).

Pluto is sitting on the top of your chart.
That means that it's time for YOU to make YOUR move. No more waiting, no support, just you; standing up, making your move.
It's because now is the time and you can do it. That simple with Pluto.
Best of luck.

That is part of what is so maddening. I can't verbalize what it is I want to do, just that I want to be free.

THe midheaven, or top of your chart is what calls you, your occupation, your reason to be.
Pluto has been heading for that spot since your birth. At the top of the chart, it is VERY PUBLIC. It (your passions) wants you to mean more, to do more, to have more purpose. No longer can you be satisfied with status quo. It is time for sweeping changes.
If you don't know that to DO, then start by getting rid of (and I do mean getting rid of) what you no longer want.
If you are doing massive cleanup in your basement, this is a good sign that the purging process (PL) is starting.

Follow your passions.
You KNOW what you want.

means stop holding on
PL is showing you what needs to let go of
I know it sux to have this answer, but it is the answer (astrologically speaking)
PL is trying to tell you that you don't need to hold on to those things anymore