In Agony Over Ghosts

I tried to post this situation before, but tonight I have hardly slept, I am in a great deal of pain, and I need to talk to SOMEONE who understands what this is all about. This is not for a counselor, and worse, my friend told me not to tell anyone, but the pain here is beyond belief.

How does one cope with ghosts who have ruined your life, your relationship, your whole world? I am *not* making this up, these are actual ghosts. It somehow has to do with me, they did not want me around someone I love dearly. I finally left and was gone for over three months, and I was told that while I was gone, they completely disappeared, and everything is a lot better. It KILLED something inside me to think I brought such a thing there. I actually felt my heart breaking...I have never felt such pain and I have lived a painful life. They almost drove my friend crazy. I did not think they had anything to do with me. I thought I was being protected and that it would help to know they were protecting him as well.

Today I have to go to work and pretend everything is normal when it is not. I am usually good at this because I know most people do not understand. But today, well, I do not even want to face anybody or anything. I have to but i am not sure I am going to do it without breaking down.

The guilt here is: This is a relationship of 15 years. I do not want my friend to hurt and he told me it had gotten to the place where he was fighting for his life. He asked me if I wanted that for him, and of course I don't! Of course I am glad he is better because of my absence. But I am hurt beyond belief at the same time. I caused this...and I am furious at those spirits for ruining our lives, furious at him for allowing it, furious at myself for bringing them there. He says I should not think I caused it, but what the fuck else could it be, if they are gone now because I am no longer in his life?

I am not sleeping, I cannot eat, I am keening it is so painful, I am in a place where I wish the pain would just go away. He says he loves me still, he says he misses me, but I could never ever step foot in his place again knowing what I know now. When I told him it was breaking my heart to know that, he tried to tell me not to let them ruin my life, but they already have! It is agony to know I have to make a choice between my mental health and his, because my presence caused his agony. But it is a terrible choice. It is bad enough to know a relationship is ending....but because of fucking GHOSTS??????

I am violating his request to talk about this, but what the hell am I supposed to do when my world is crashing in? Who can I talk to about such a thing? How do I want to even exist on this planet when I know I bring such evil? I do not have any money to consult anyone and even if I did, whom could I trust to even talk to, much less help?


Please pray for me, I am a good person, I did not dream I could bring such a thing into anyone's life. This is *not* some flaky reason for breaking up this relationship. This is real. I talked to a counselor but they just don't get it. Those fucking spirits took my loved one from me and they won. Now I am now terrified I will bring it to others ~ and maybe already have. I am glad you are all here, I do not know where else to turn.


Cat

I hope I don't sound unsympathetic, but you haven't actually provided any detail here.

1) What makes you think "ghosts" are involved? What actually happened to put your relationship under this stress? Specifically?

2) Did these ghosts never show up before in your life until you came into contact with your friend?

3) Could the two of you not simply move away from the ghosts, if you loved each other? "Ghosts" should be tied to a place, traditionally. If that didn't appear to be the case, I don't think it's ghosts that you're dealing with.

I do not live there, never did. I live in my own place. But I have had some of it as well.

1.There was significant phenomena happening starting about three years ago. Moving objects with no one near them, the smell of smoke when there was none there, appearances (i did not see those myself, but he did). One time I witnessed water from a spigot literally go parallel, with nothing underneath it, it sprayed me in the face. Knockings, sounds of something running on the roof, (nothing was there, but it sounds like someone in a pair of army boots). Pounding in the walls, I mean loud pounding so that sometimes the room shook, knocking on the door when no one is there. I awoke one night hearing heavy footsteps walking in a circle by the bed. I thought it was my partner, but he was dead asleep beside me. When I rose up thinking someone was there, and they immediately stopped, but the odd part about it, you know how certain floor board squeak, you always hear them when you walk over them? The same ones were squeaking, and nobody was there. There has been long distance phenomena as well, like once when we were up at my sister's 100 miles away and the rapping and pounding began where we were sleeping. Several times a friend he has in North Carolina began to have rapping, etc.

2. No they never showed up in my life before ~ that I know of. They have shown up in his before I knew him when he lived in another place

3. He cannot afford to move and also has decided he should not allow them to "run his life". He says they will just follow him.

The most significant part is that when I stopped coming around, all the phenomena stopped.

I do not think you sound unsympathetic. I have asked those same of those same questions too. Believe me, I not as much of a skeptic as he is and he thought the times before had gone. This is part of the reason he thinks it will follow if he moves.

Thanks for asking. I really apprciate it.

Cat

Your friend had experiences like this before you ever knew him; but you never did before you knew him. And the "ghosts" have manifested in other people's homes, even if you weren't there (the friend in North Carolina?). And your friend's attitude is one of defiance; he won't let them run his life, he says.

Given all this, it seems like whatever is going on is tied to your friend, not to you. If there are "personalities" involved, perhaps they do have some reason not to want you around; but that's not on you. I some guilt into your original post (maybe I'm wrong?); you seem to hold yourself as much responsible as you do the ghosts, but I think that's clearly not the case.

I agree with Shine on this--it may not be ghosts. It sounds like classic poltergeist phenomena to me, which is often tied to psychlogical factors. Regardless, I think there must be a way to remove these influences from your friend's life. I would imagine that a competent ritualist could probably do this for you.

I'm saying all this mainly from having lived with an accomplished ritual magician for 19 years. We just bought an old house and we sorta kinda think there might be the ghost of a former resident in it, a woman who lived her entire life in the house. A friend of ours, when we told her about this, offered to put us in touch with someone who could "read" the attitude of the ghost, and Michael (my partner) said, "That's okay, I can do that. If she's friendly or neutral I'll live with it. And if she's not, I have ways of getting rid of her." So I'm pretty confident it can be done, given the right person.

I don't know if this helps. But one thing to keep in mind--I doubt that ghosts can really "do" anything to you, unless you let them. In this case I think you've let them, or whatever it is, run you off.

I had a choice; stay around and make it worse for his mental state, or leave so he had peace of mind. I did not realize it would stop at the time I left because I thought it was about more "mundane" issues...But it was a shock and an agony to find out after I had not been there, the phenomena immediately stopped. I had no words for what was happening except 'ghosts'. It is agonizing to think I was the cause. it is a horrible choice to make to be honest. It still is. I just realized if it were me, I could no longer be in his place anymore. I really appreciate everyone's input...it really helps to not feel so alone about this when most of the world thinks this is not real.

Thanks so much...

Love
Cat

it seems to me these things are more related to him and the fact that they stopped when you left seems to say very clearly that they/it accomplished what they intended. To split the two of you apart.

Please please do not take this as your burden. YOU are NOT RESPONSIBLE for these activities. YOU did NOT "BRING" them or "cause" them.

My sense- for what its worth - is these energies are attached to him and guard him jealously. There are ways to detach them and send them "home" (to the light). Is is at all possible that he could be using these events to "make it OK for you two to split"?

Sometimes energies feed off intense emotions and right now, all your sorrow and pain...well, it may be just what was intended. How do you tell someone not to feel so bad? How do you stop hurting?? Not easy but perhaps knowing YOU are not a VICTIM...that you can do something about this might help. I agree with Shine & Terran....there are things that can be done to send them on their way.

Shine's suggestions are excellent, burn some sage and clearly state that you no longer give them permission on ANY level to interfere or cause problems with you and your loved one(s). It is time for them to leave and they must go to the light. They no longer have any control over you and THEY MUST LEAVE. Call in YOUR guardian angels/guides/whatever you are comfortable with for protection and assistance. (Always nice to have backup!)

As to your friend....he must do this for himself- on some level he has given permission for this energy to attach to him....and perhaps couples counseling is not a bad idea. Seems as though there may be more than just the "ghosts" here.

Please remember...this is certainly not your fault and there is NO BLAME...sometimes these things just happen but choose to see it as a lesson on taking your own power back and banishing fear. KNOWING you are protected, loved and a powerful being in your own right.

:hug:
DR

Is it possible that the "ghosts" you are experiencing could be a projection of the stress of your 15 yr relationship ending? In other words, perhaps it is easier, on some unconscious level, to pin the blame for your relationship being "ruined" on something as amorphous as "ghosts" in order to avoid dealing with the deeper emotional issues between you two. Maybe you should consider couples counseling.

I believe you are a powerful spiritual being who is living on the material plane and these "spirits" are incapable of "taking your loved one from you." You are NOT a victim! Claim your power and know that you do NOT have to live in pain. It's all in how you choose to look at it, my dear. Our perception creates our Reality.

Perhaps a cleansing ritual would also be helpful, in this regard. Burn some sage, speak your intentions for healing on all levels...Know that you are Safe, Protected and Well and you live in a beneficent Universe.

:hug:
Shine

edit: spelling

It is probably better to follow your intuition as far as possible. If things are better when you are not there, then just stay away for awhile, and let the situation stabilize to the extent it can. Also ask for guidance in this matter. Ask your own guides, if you can. Also try to find a person in your area who is knowledgeable and might have an objective take on what is happening. It seems that most all of us have situations everyday in our lives that are difficult, including potential confrontations, and situations over which which we do not have control. The fact that this one relates to energy or spirits makes it even more perplexing. However, it is not necessary to fully understand something, just act as if, and take steps to protect yourself. Probably being at work is going to be a good thing, and staying away from that situation for now.

Except maybe it is a way for him to get out of the relationship without having to talk about his real feelings or the real issues.

Cat, Do NOT accept blame for this. It is not a phenom associated with you, it is tied to him. Reading your original post gave me a most horrible feeling that you are being manipulated, and you are being hurt by somebody's deceptions.

Telekinesis and PK are extremely rare and I doubt that it is possible for you to have lived to any adult age and have been unaware of those abilities in yourself. Poltergeist activity is also somewhat uncommon, and if you had one attached to YOU, you'd know it by this point in your life...

Please calm down and try to quit beating yourself up over all of it.

I ask this, (and I have no way to do this and be delicate about it, so forgive me if I seem unkind) but is it possible your old partner is laying this at your door in order to get out of the relationship?

I just can't get past the feeling that you are being manipulated...


Laura

This sounds like his deal. Not yours.

I'm in the midst of a very intense kind of situation with someone I met a few months ago. It was magnetic.
He recently travelled to another state to help rebuild after the hurricanes. The other night my neighbor was over and we were talking and suddenly I could not stop thinking about my other friend. About 5 minutes later he called for the first time since he left town. He always tells me when I call him, "I was just thinking about you. That is so strange how that happens".

We just have a connection. I can't explain it. In fact I called him back that night and told him to stop thinking about me!
It was driving me NUTS!

Maybe the two of you together have some kind of magickal power.
Is he open to exploring magick?