How do I invite change?

Any suggestions?

I'm at a personal turning point and the choices as I see them are to carry on as I have, or make the change. The change I want is to have a more creative and productive life, one in which I can advantage of the opportunities that I've been given and use them to make my life and my family's life more comfortable and fulfilling.

But I feel stuck. I work 40 hours a week. I have a 10-month old son. I haven't written seriously in the five years that have passed since graduate school. My hours seem saturated with work and family and household maintenance. On one hand the idea of studying and writing again seems unattainable and impractical; OTOH to abandon my talents and training strikes me as economically rash and spiritually toxic.

I recently had an excellent tarot reading that indicated fruitful creativity (the reader suggested another child, but I think otherwise), but it also suggested that I need to free myself of my bonds (those bonds being "church and state," go figure).

But how do I make the break?

Stones?
Creative visualization?
Aromatherapy?
Vitamins?
Sitting and staring at the blank page? (not that, please not that, anything but that.... ;-) )

because your situation is similar to mine--I'm also a time-challenged creative person who has recently begun re-embracing my creativity after a period of stagnation that occurred due to a challenging and demanding degree program (which happens)--and I want to help. But--time challenged. :-) I'll get back to you. Except to say that I do want to emphasize what I'm sure others will--your choices with regard to the way you will apply what changes you invite are critical. However, I've found that certain stones, techniques, spells and other metaphysical strategies can be important agents for activating these changes, and for identifying where and how they can best take place. FYI, the thing that seemed to inspire the project I'm trying to finish was also a good Tarot reading.

Since you brought up vitamins, though, let me post first that decent health support in that area has been essential for me in terms of getting my interest in writing back on track. With the caveat that I don't have an M.D., any advanced degrees or anything like that, I recommend at least a good multivitamin and getting enough B-12. Not getting enough B-12 is one of the things that prevented me from having enough energy, focus and emotional stability to settle down and try to hammer out the novel I plotted out almost two year ago. It's key.

I'm b-12 deficient - pernicious anemia is what it's sometimes called. I'm supposed to self-inject B12 once a month, but I feel much better when I do it more frequently, 2x or 3x a month. I tend to wait until I start feeling crappy, then I think, "How long has it been?," and then I realize I'm due for another shot.

So, I'll go do that, and I'll look forward to seeing what else you have to share.

Thanks for the post.

Maybe you should think about what you would like to write if you had the time and visualize sitting in a room at a desk or table with a sleeping baby nearby. And if you can state your intention (to yourself in the mirror and to others in conversations) to start doing this in the near future. Instead of staring at the blank page, maybe you should get out the crayons and start doodling. Your 10 month old child is too young for crayons, but you're never too old. Good luck and happy beginnings... :o)

Before you go to sleep at night repeat several suggestive phrases to yourself, eg- "Joyfully, and with ease, I will complete my goal of writing..." etc.

It's funny how this really works! You will be amazed because somehow you will find the time.

Please, let us know how it works out for you!

:hug:

That's the hardest part for me, figuring out what to do. I know something as essential as affirmations should be obvious, but I tend to overthink things and miss the first steps to a solution.

I'll sit down and think about what I'd like to bring in, then I'll speak to it before going to bed.

Thank you!

I used to draw with colored pencils during my last year of school, when I was also working on my thesis. It was a good outlet, and it helped seive some of the crud out of my head.

Thanks!

I would try it. I'm a songwriter and have moments where I don't write anything and than out of nowhere I'll start feeling like writing which is what I'm doing now. I'm going to write later tonight. :D

"feeling like" writing... I've forgotten that feeling, see? That sudden strike, or spark, the "a ha!" moment...

I feel like I'm trying to build a campfire with two sticks. I'm rubbing, and rubbing, rubbing... rubbing...and occasionally a wisp of smoke comes up, or maybe a flame, but then it goes out, and I'm left with two very hot sticks and still no fire.

It's a phase, but it's one I'd like to move out of. I also know it's a result of enormous personal changes and upheavals. I need to feel I'm settled and grounded, "at home" is a good way to put it, in order to really write. My writing has always suffered during transitional times, but I never thought I'd have a five year transition with no roadmap out.

This could be kind a long post; I'll try to keep it concise. Basically, I think your problem is two-fold--intellectual and spiritual, so I wanted to hand out some suggestions that have worked for me on both fronts (I mean, metaphysical guides are great, but they only got me so far).

First of all, let me post that I understand the pain. Regenerating the joy you may have largely lost in creating writing after the enjoyment of the creative process (getting the "a-ha moment" and developing it) has been sucked out of you via the rigors of a labor-intensive degree program can be a long-term project. On the bright side, the drought has only lasted five years. And hey, at least you're past what I think is the "first stage"--the empty time after the degree is done and you may feel like you have nothing. left. to say. I mean, you seem like you're at the stage where the notion of having some of those long-lost a-ha moments is appealing to you. Some people lose the urge and never get it back--just from the educational experience alone, never mind the personal upheavals you mention. (I understand the pain of that, too, it's hell on a writer's identity--how and for what do your write now that your life looks and feels so radically different than it did the last time you were able to capture flashes of inspiration and want to make writing out of them?)

Second, just let me say that without knowing anything about what your process was like before your current situation developed or what your genre is, I'll have to be kind of vague, but here are two methods of "working" that really helped me. They might be controversial to some, (and definitely wouldn't have flown in any academic environment I was in) but I've found success with them. Essentially: don't work. 1) Don't try to write until you've got something you're really, really interesting in writing about. No, wait, hear me out. In my opinion, the "write everyday, even if it is just nonsense and you will subsequently tap into a means of creating great literature" maxim is one of the biggest lies told in academia and publishing. Maybe that can help you create if you have at least a rudimentary piece of inspiration to work with, but in my experience, after burn-out had set in, ideas worth developing only started returning after I stopped believing they would magically come solely from the act of writing or even imagining myself writing. Nothing against those for whom creative visualization is an effective means of drawing inspiration to you. If that's your thing, run with it. That's never worked for me. 2) After you've found your next ah-ha moment, don't try to write it out in any serious fashion until you're truly passionate about it. Have the great inspiration, jot down the basic concept, let it fester in your brain for a little while and then write only a bit at a time until you've stored up enough energy and interest in the hard work of creating writing again. 3) Try to let go of any remaining self-defeating, outrageously critical opinions of your ideas or your writing that you may still be carrying around from grad school. For me, it was very, very difficult to open up enough to receive inspiration again, let alone create art from it, in the years after completing my degree. I was always, always imagining a pile of harsh, deconstructive critics watching me as I tried to write--about nothing, since I'd even stopped being able to come up with an idea the imaginary critics didn't think was pointless for me tor pursue. It also took me years to figure out that the ever-present self-criticism was stifling the formerly-frequent creative urge, not my ability to communicate it. Education and formal training are important. They enrich your writing and critical thinking skills, as well as your ability to appreciate great art, and God knows where I'd be as an artist without having had access to those resources. But as you may know, formal training has a tendency to make even terrific artists feel like shit about themselves and their talents--especially if you worked with famous, amazing writers like I did. I didn't start getting ideas again until I had begun believing that I was a good writer, or that I had the potential to be. Make sure you love yourself, is all I'm saying. There are some other tricks I've used to start getting inspiration to return, you can PM me if they sound interesting to you.

About the spiritual side of your dry-spell, here are a few things I started doing which have really helped me "unblock" and draw ideas to me. 1) Regular smudging of my home and work area. I take a nice piece of sage, open a window, burn it for a while, close the window. It's a good, all-purpose barrier against negative energy for me. 2) Hook yourself up with a few stones known to help people cleanse themselves of negativity. I like black kyanite. You might have to order some, but it's worth the investment. This stone has powerful healing properties, never needs to be cleansed or recharged and has helped lots of people I know. Stones like India moss agate, picasso jasper, and amethyst have been excellent "unlocking" tools for me. 3) I have had superb luck with meditation candles designed to activate the minds of imaginative individuals. I'd list my favorite brands but you should probably just shop around if you're interested in trying that. And since a Tarot reading triggered your last post about this, go find a reader in your area with whom you can make regular appointments. My reader and I have had some ups and downs, but overall, being able to get some "inside" guidance about how my "new" life as a writer is evolving has truly kept that evolution moving along.

I have a few more suggestions, but I see this post is quite lengthy! Best of luck, really. For an artist, there is nothing harder than feeling disconnected from your craft.

"Doppelganger" comes to mind.

Thanks for the great reply. You've given me a lot to consider, and some great tips for action. It's helpful to know that you're speaking from similar experience. You also reinforce some of my deepest suspicions about writing.

There's a large metaphysical bookstore/supply near my home. I will plan on visiting it and looking at their stones and candles. I bought sage two months ago, but haven't smudged yet. I'm a procrastinator and also distractible, a combination akin to wearing lead slippers.

Cheers to you, and :hi:

You have something to start putting on a page, you can write about not knowing how to get back into writing.

Perhaps go to the page with less expectations, If you're struggling share the struggle with the paper, share the changes and upheavals, share whatever comes out of your hand to share.

Let it be a tool in just rediscovering you. I know journaling and creative writing aren't the same thing, but they are related. Your hand might turn to creative ways of looking at it all...or just working through the clutter of your life can reopen the flow.

Writing is a great way to get out of your own way and open up that flow...of life, of creativity, of your relationship with the divine. It's a great way to break free of bonds, writing them away.

In that flow you are drawn to the stones or the images or the way to learn what they are.

You titled this "How do I invite change?" By asking you did. And you can always title your page "An invitation to change" or "about letting go" or whatever words in comes in. You don't have to write about it directly or you might.

People gave great tips, just thought I'd add this little part.