Dog Day - Cat Day Excerpts

Provided by Alice in Virginia

:D

we must act and think like that dog!


:rofl:

I like the way you think!

:rofl:

...then what do you get out of any new thing? Same old, same old...:)

adding something new each day - an extra tail-wagging jerky treat

:)

They agree!

thanks for this...


:rofl:

Frisky



Who assures me that since she turned 10, she no longer has any desire to cause me to tumble down
the stairs or otherwise inconvenience me; however, she assures me that if I ever experienced a
phenomenon like the guy in "The Incredible Shrinking Man" she's not sure if she could restrain
herself from biting my head off, although it wouldn't be due to malice or any ill feeling, it would
just be what she and her sisters and brothers do. I'll have to be extra nice to her, don't you think?

btw, that jail cell looks quite comfy - must be the seniority thing.

:)

posting an e-mail I got like FIVE years ago.

Still it's pretty funny nonetheless.

Summarily spanked,

:toast:

thing...every minute of the day little guys & what a blessing all of them are! Cats and Dogs are the best...my favorite thing in the whole world! :applause:

My cat actually tries to groom, Otto, the 110 pound chocolate Chesapeake/Lab mix.

He tolerates it with a smile.

btw, my cat's a Pisces with Sagittarius rising and a Gemini Moon

I'm sure that it helps to understand her better!

:)

I am convinced, however, that they are psychically connected to each other. I try to have a regular feeding time, but every day, they all start doing their "vulture" act at the same time, which usually isn't the time I have set!

Even my oldest cat, Miss Kitty, The Queen of the Universe, who does not mingle with the other animals, is in on it. :rofl:

we have 3 dogs now (again) does the "vulture act" coincide with sundown or sunrise?

I think the get together and "plot" to drive me nuts! :rofl:

Just kidding. I love my furbabies!

the other daily plot of random occurrence: Steal anything from kitchen counter, or closet such as shoes - Plan A, run away - gang follows down hallway - make sure she saw that - make a lot of noise like barking, just in case. Plan B, if she still does not move away from computer make several passes with an extended stop in front of her door...look straight at her, make sure this time she sees what you have, run away.
Initiated by Aries, Taurus and Leo follow, lowest of the totem pole Leo challenges Aries (7 times his size), Taurus tattletales.

:)

...watch your cat go after the dry food from the cat's level. It's weird to watch them go after it, they actually show a bit of enthusiasm and are not easily distracted.

Miss Kitty, The Queen of the Universe (oh my;)

to their food. The two "upstairs kitties" prefer canned to dried, but they have been known to try to crawl into the big dry food bag on occasion. :rofl:

My downstairs kitty, The Queen of the Universe (hey, she gave herself the name!) totally loves the dry food more than the canned. She will yell her head off at me, if I don't keep her supplied! :rofl:

Edited to add: She also totally LOVES potato chips, and my dog loves fortune cookies!

I've got a 17 year old who yells at me, and only me, to lift her up to the counter for her food. She can't jump 7 feet from a standing start like she once did but she has access to the food. Yet, when she sees me get up to walk by the food, she ambles over and yelps. Never anyone else. I'm honored;)

decided that 12:30 (!) was the time to eat. The two upstairs kitties and the dog all started circling MrSG at the same time, and Miss Kitty, who lives in the finished room in the basement, started yelling at me AT THE SAME TIME. :rofl:

"The cat has too much spirit to have no heart." - Ernest Menaul

"Never try to out-stubborn a cat."- Lazarus Long

"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to
pull a sled through snow." - Jeff Valdez

Things my cat taught me.

Make the world your playground.
Make the most of unstructured time.
Always sniff it first.
Flaunt your hair loss.
Always find a good patch of sun to nap in.
Make yourself vulnerable, but don't be afraid to bite the hand that feeds you.
When in trouble, just purr and look cute.
Stare unabashedly.
Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours.
Shred all documents.
Variety is the spice of Life. One day, ignore people; the next day, annoy them.
Pee without getting any on your feet
Climb your way to the top, that's why the curtains are there.

Cat Haiku

I want to be close
To you. Can I fit my head
inside your armpit?

You're always typing
Well, let's see you ignore my
Sitting on your hands.

Grace personified
I leap into the window
I meant to do that


And Lastly If you Can..

* IF you can start the day without caffeine.

* IF you can get along without pep pills.

* IF you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains.

* IF you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles.

* IF you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it.

* IF you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time.

* IF you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when, through no fault of your own, something goes wrong.

* IF you can take criticism and blame without resentment.

* IF you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him or her.

* IF you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor one.

* IF you can face the world without lie or deceit.

* IF you can conquer tension without medical help.

* IF you can relax without liquor.

* IF you can sleep without the aid of drugs.

* IF you can honestly say that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, sex, religion, national origin, gender preference or politics.

THEN you have ALMOST reached the same level of development as cats.
Lastly this...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjSG-fkNfaE

I loved the cat haikus!

I photoshopped him. I did all 3 of my cats with butterfly wings.
Vinnie

Rustle

My daughter installed photoshop on my desktop, but I haven't yet tried to use it.

I thought I'd posted this.



Otto is the big guy, chocolate, and Sky is the love of his life, tan.

They love the cats and treat each other very well.

That is so spot on.

I just read this after opening 2 different cans of cat food, nope that is not what the queen wanted. Finally opened a wet package of food that she approved of. You would not believe the assortment of food I have for that 10 lb ball of fur.

My dogs are happy to do anything, anytime.


Too funny.

when cats go outside they generally smell the air an elevated their heads and noses.

Dogs generally sniff the ground.

From this I surmised that cats may represent our relationahip with the spiritual plane and dogs may represent our relationship to the physical plane.

If this is true, no wonder so many cats have big bad attitudes.

I also used to think that when cats sleep so much they may just be astral traveling to other universes where they run EVERYTHING.

That was my rationalization for their attitudes as well.

Funny the thoughts some kids have.

just for kitties pleasure and sport. You have to look up to see the flying menu of opportunities. Spiritual, perhaps, if you're a canibal;)

Doggie is just looking for a place to relieve him/herself.

It's all good and getting better in this best of all possible worlds...don't you think?

I do!

with tricky dick, his dogs, and disparaging remarks about my delightful childhood fantasies before we even knw what hit us.

Are you actually saying that cats only devour birds of prey and NO RODENTS whatsoever? If so, I've got a field full of mouse carcasses in various states of decay that you really don't want to see.

And if dogs only want to snuggle up to Gaia to relieve themselves, I've plenty of rabbits, (some of whom are named "Jessica"-of- "I'm not bad I'm just drawn this way," -fame) who would contest that theory as well.

Okay cheerful, how does life embroiled in the food chain make an animal that partakes of a weaker species. . . a cannibal. . .?

Oh do give your kitty my best. LOL

I do so love a "lively discussion."

;)

All joking aside, I have wondered sometimes if cats somehow have the ability to be in two places / realities at once. Have you ever noticed how they sometimes manage to look at a bare wall and act like they are seeing something they want to kill and eat?

Have you ever noticed how the cat can be sleeping on your bed when you walk out of the room but by the time you get to the kitchen they are ALREADY there and howling by the food bowl? But then when you go back to the bedroom again, they are on the bed sleeping...

I am serious when I say this, but a few weeks ago, I'd swear I saw my big fat cat Chaucer sitting in the sun in one of the neighbor's yards doing that "cat smile" blink he gives me when he's happy. But I know he he was IN MY HOUSE because he is not allowed outside--EVER. I walked in my front door and there he was sprawled in abandon on the living room rug.

I think cats have some kind of funky teleportation ability that we humans are just too stupid to pick up on.

Autorank, good to see you in here!


Laura

There have been times when I have been going into surgery and lo and behold I see a glimpse of one of my cats. First time it happened I thought I hallucinated it. But the time I got my hysterectomy before I went in and I was waiting in one of those curtained gurney rooms,My cats showed up astrally in my room and one walked out into the hall. A few seconds later I overheard a nurse in the nurses station say to another nurse, "did you see that?" The nurse she was talking to said "whut?" She replied "that cat,a CAT, a cat loose in the hospital??!!".He replied no. She kept looking for the cat, she checked my room but by then the cats had left.

Also I have seen cat spirits.
Once a cat was hit, and I saw it as we drove past. I get this shock pain in my heart when a cat is dead in the road and I see the cat spirit.Well, that time it was so painful I had my ex pull over,to get the corpse out of the road. As I walked to where the dead cat was I saw what I thought was another cat coming out from the trees on the embankment. I called it to me, hoping to keep it safe and find it's home. The cat took a few steps toward me and faded away. So I turned my attention to the dead one on the road. I was dripping tears, and I reached down to scruff the dead cat and he was still warm.Freshly killed and I dropped to my knees in grief and got back up and placed the cat where his spirit asked, in a pine tree weed thicket.I laid him there curled him up into a cat ball like he was sleeping and put dandelions on him and called Sekhmet and Bast,to take him home and I realized the dead cat looked EXACTLY like the cat that I saw fade away.

Also My cat Bigfoot died a few years ago. I saw him as a fast flying orb of light, lit up the yard,so bright objects in the yard cast shadows as he flew past them and the ball stopped at his grave and sank into the Earth.That's how I was SURE it was Bigfoot.

Anyways this is how Bigfoot looked in life.

A Cat's Guide To Human Beings


1. Introduction: Why Do We Need Humans?

So you've decided to get yourself a human being. In doing so, you've joined the millions of other cats who have acquired these strange and often frustrating creatures. There will be any number of times, during the course of your association with humans, when you will wonder why you have bothered to grace them with your presence.

What's so great about humans, anyway? Why not just hang around with other cats? Our greatest philosophers have struggled with this question for centuries, but the answer is actually rather simple:

THEY HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS.

Which makes them the perfect tools for such tasks as opening doors, getting the lids off of cat food cans, changing television stations and other activities that we, despite our other obvious advantages, find difficult to do ourselves. True, chimps, orangutans and lemurs also have opposable thumbs, but they are nowhere as easy to train.

2. How And When to Get Your Human's Attention

Humans often erroneously assume that there are other, more important activities than taking care of your immediate needs, such as conducting business, spending time with their families or even sleeping.

Though this is dreadfully inconvenient, you can make this work to your advantage by pestering your human at the moment it is the busiest. It is usually so flustered that it will do whatever you want it to do, just to get you out of its hair. Not coincidentally, human teenagers follow this same practice.

Here are some tried and true methods of getting your human to do what you want:

Sitting on paper: An oldie but a goodie. If a human has paper in front of it, chances are good it's something they assume is more important than you. They will often offer you a snack to lure you away. Establish your supremacy over this wood pulp product at every opportunity. This practice also works well with computer keyboards, remote controls, car keys and small children.

Waking your human at odd hours: A cat's "golden time" is between 3:30 and 4:30 in the morning. If you paw at your human's sleeping face during this time, you have a better than even chance that it will get up and, in an incoherent haze, do exactly what you want. You may actually have to scratch deep sleepers to get their attention; remember to vary the scratch site to keep the human from getting suspicious.

3. Punishing Your Human Being

Sometimes, despite your best training efforts, your human will stubbornly resist bending to your whim. In these extreme circumstances, you may have to punish your human. Obvious punishments, such as scratching furniture or eating household plants, are likely to backfire; the unsophisticated humans are likely to misinterpret the activities and then try to discipline YOU. Instead, we offer these subtle but nonetheless effective alternatives:

Use the cat box during an important formal dinner.

Stare impassively at your human while it is attempting a romantic interlude.

Stand over an important piece of electronic equipment and feign a hairball attack.

After your human has watched a particularly disturbing horror film, stand by the hall closet and then slowly back away, hissing and yowling.

While your human is sleeping, lie on its face.

4. Rewarding Your Human: Should Your Gift Still Be Alive?

The cat world is divided over the etiquette of presenting humans with the thoughtful gift of a recently disemboweled animal. Some believe that humans prefer these gifts already dead, while others maintain that humans enjoy a slowly expiring cricket or rodent just as much as we do, given their jumpy and playful movements in picking the creatures up after they've been presented.

After much consideration of the human psyche, we recommend the following: cold blooded animals (large insects, frogs, lizards, garden snakes and the occasional earthworm) should be presented dead, while warm blooded animals (birds, rodents, your neighbor's Pomeranian) are better still living. When you see the expression on your human's face, you'll know it's worth it.

5. How Long Should You Keep Your Human?

You are only obligated to your human for one of your lives. The other eight are up to you. We recommend mixing and matching, though in the end, most humans (at least the ones that are worth living with) are pretty much the same. But what do you expect? They're humans, after all. Opposable thumbs will only take you so far.

I could really use it.

:hug:

I received that in an e-mail 2 or 3 years ago and I've saved it all this time. It still makes me smile too.