I asked someone for forgiveness tonight.

I recently reconnected with an old friend on Facebook. Chris and I had once been quite tight for a period of time in our early twenties, then we weren't so tight, and the next thing you know, it's been thirteen years. I called her tonight and apologized for being a shit all those times I was being a shit, for not trying harder to understand, and for not nurturing the friendship. I told her that I loved her, and that I was proud of her, and that I was grateful to her for speaking to me.

It was an amazing experience. I am so full, I had to share it with you. It is the ideas I have learned in here that led me to have this conversation - indeed, a reunion - that has so lifted my spirit. Thank you all for your wisdom.

Namaste.

It's so wonderful that you have had this experience. Isn't it amazing that something we actually control ourselves (our own behavior toward others) is so much more powerful than something we don't control (the actions of others) in making us feel joyful and satisfied? You are to be commended--enjoy it.

Bluestar

And something I will be putting into practice more often. What an amazing gift, repentance.

:hug:

True healing took place in the world because of this act. It was more than just between the two of you. Anytime such an act happens, the Universe is changed in an amazingly positive way. As Elizabeth Baron said in one of OB's recent threads, the vibrations that you give out through your thoughts and deeds are far reaching.

:hug:

It still does. My filter has changed.

:hug:

I wish the "friends" who abandoned me in my early twenties had your compassion. Which, well, they won't ever (because they are sociopaths).

Good on you for making things right.

Abandonment was one of the issues that created distance between us. When I began to discover myself as a writer and returned to university, I began accomplishing things that once seemed improbable. It was difficult for me to understand what was happening myself, let alone explain to her what I was going through. Suddenly, all those things that made us compatible had changed, and we both had all-involving romantic relationships that really didn't leave room for other friendships. She was upset that I was "moving on" and I was upset that she couldn't enjoy my success. In sum, circumstances changed, priorities changed, and next thing you know - we're not speaking to one another, and thirteen years go by.

I wouldn't be surprised if she thought I was a sociopath at one time. Lord knows I probably acted it.

You are loved, BI, from near and far.

I don't really mourn their absence from my life anymore, just the years I wasted trying to please them.

It just wasn't as dramatic. In college a good friend of mine was engaged to a friend of my husband. Oh, man, I was NOT excited for her. I couldn't believe it. I practiced a whole lot of withdrawal from the friendship. She had plenty of other friends who were excited for her, so it wasn't the hugest deal.

This fall, several decades later, we reconnected. LOL, when I saw her, my first reaction was to keep my distance. But that didn't last long. Later I apologized to her in an email. It felt great. Naturally, she understood, because that marriage didn't even last a year I don't think.

This wasn't through Facebook, but I think Facebook is pretty revolutionary. I keep up with my kids and their friends through Facebook.

after I was laid off and when it became clear this was going to be longterm, I tried contacting old friends. It was sad and disappointing. My best friend when I was growing up has been diagnosed bipolar. I tried to set up a reunion between us...she sabotaged it. I look now at her manipulative behavior...and wonder what was going on when we were kids, when she tried to commit suicide and her (schizophrenic) mother blamed me. She told me (in '02) that after witnessing how our classmates abused me, she didn't want to live in a world where people were so mean. Is that why her mother blamed me back then for her suicide attempt? And now she was trying to make it somehow my fault? It was very, very wierd and she was truly nuts.

Other friends are missing or don't respond to emails. I did hear back from my favorite college roommate, who is French -- and thanks to W, very anti-American. What was charming then about her has hardened into stereotypical French snootiness.

More and more, bits and pieces at a time, I'm leaving my past behind...

My intent in calling this friend was solely to apologize - I had no expectations of renewing the friendship. I've always struggled with how to properly maintain friendly relationships - how much is too much, how much is not enough. I tend to be either overly attached or guarded/removed.

I've come to accept that just as people will move in and out of my life, I will move in and out of other people's lives. This used to cause me guilt - that I wasn't being forever-and-ever friends with every friend I made. Now I want to remove guilt from my life, and that's what led me to apologize to Chris last night. It helped, it helped a lot.

but see where people had been, what they were doing. I have nothing to apologize for that I was aware of. Everybody just grew apart and fell out of touch.

I suddenly had this huge space and time open up, and was reminiscing at the time...I had no expectations around it, although hoped to reconnect.